AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She stared at him in outrage. “So you agree I need to marry, but not to you?”
“Yes.”
She wondered if she spoke with the same man who had danced with her beneath the stars that had kissed her, that had made her feel so much. “And who do you suppose I should marry? I do not see a bevy of suitors calling on me.”
“Make a list of anyone you desire. Whether it be an earl or a duke or a baron. He will marry you.”
Constance glared at him. He really wanted her to marry someone else. He could relinquish her so easily? “That is not possible. I am ruined.” By my own foolish desire for you, her heart screamed, but she refused to show him any emotions. She would die before she gave him an inkling of knowledge of how much his disinterest was hurting her.
“I will make it so.”
“How?” she whispered harshly. “My brother is the Duke of Calydon, and I can assure you he cannot simply tell me to pick a name from society.”
“Your brother doesn’t own anyone.”
She stared at him appalled. Own anyone? Good heavens. “Such a gesture on your part is unnecessary.”
“If not for my attentions you would have not been in such a situation. You were not seen, but a misguided friend revealed the information that you were at Decadence hoping to force my hand. I will do all in my power to make reparations. If there is anything you want, and it is in my power, I will get it for you. You only have to say the words. And I pray that you will see this as a token of how deeply regretful I am.”
She nodded mutely, her heart a painful cadence inside of her chest. “Thank you. Do you really care about my happiness, Lucan?”
“Nothing is more important to me. Whatever you want, whatever you need, if it is within my power you will have it, Constance.”
Hope curled inside of her, yet she hesitated.
“What do you want, Constance?”
She braced herself. “You.”
Constance never imagined he would be so surprised at her declaration. Everything about him seemed frozen. Before she lost her nerves she expounded. “I will be your duchess.”
He went so unemotionally distant he shook her calm facade. But she would not plead with him.
“No,” he growled.
She nodded. “Then I bid you good-bye, Your Grace.”
She walked away from him with quiet calm. She would not wed someone she did not love. If he would not have her, she would travel with Anthony and Phillipa and see some of the world. She would not commit to a life of unhappiness to please society or even her mother, who had traveled a similar path that had led them to near ruination. Constance would not repeat her mother’s mistake.
Her heart lurched as hands gently encircled her waist from behind. She had not heard him move at all. She tensed. “Why are you touching me?”
He released her as if he had been stung, and she slowly turned to face him, curious to what she would see. Oh, Lucan. Emotions roiled in his eyes, and she saw the flash of fear before he buried it. She waited for him to speak, without any expectations in her heart.
…
Lucan felt a horrible sense of inevitability pressed in on him. “I will not marry you,” he reiterated softly.
“You have already said so,” Constance pointed out, her demeanor one of calm and indifference.
She stepped back from him, her pale pink skirt swirling in a gentle manner around her feet. An unidentifiable emotion swept through him. She did not comprehend how much he had influenced the pain she and her family now suffered. She also knew nothing about him. He had built his fortune on the sins of others’. Not only did they owe him a great deal of money, but Lucan had made it his business to know about others weaknesses. He never did anything with the knowledge, only alerting the unsuspecting fool when he needed him for something. As he had done with Lord Orwell. If she knew the depth of Lucan’s crimes against her, she would not be so open to marrying him. He opened his mouth to inform her, but everything inside of him shut down for seconds. He could not bear for the look in her eyes to turn to contempt and hatred.
His heart lurched at the thought of her discovering his secrets. He had known loathing and bitterness, but fear no longer had the power to touch him, or so he had thought. For he felt fear now that she would see all of him and be repulsed. “You do not know the manner of man I am, Constance. To want to wed me is a naive, foolish desire after how I planned to compromise you. I am incapable of giving you the kind of marriage—the kind of love—you seem to desire.”
Her chin titled, and damn if she wasn’t staring him down despite her head barely reaching his chest.
“And what kind of marriage do I need, Your Grace?”
He hesitated then spoke frankly. “One with love and laughter, picnics and balls, children and merriment…and family solidarity.”
“And why is it you cannot give me that?”
“Because all I have left inside since I lost Marissa is darkness.”
She shifted closer to him. “That has an easy solution. I cannot bring back your sister, and the ache of her loss will be with you for years to come, but I will take some of your darkness and give you my light. I will always comfort you when you feel pain.”
He looked at her in bemusement. Take his darkness? The last thing he wanted was for her to understand the depth of his demons. “I want you nowhere near my wickedness.”
Constance flushed. “I know you are not as dissolute as you would have me believe, Lucan.”
“Is that so?”
She gave him a rather wistful smile, and he wanted to give her the things she dreamed of. “I know about the Edinburgh Review articles that you write, championing humanitarian views of ending the practice of farming babies. I am aware of the motions you take to parliament. I know about your many charities. I know you did not ruin me when everything in you clamored to; instead you tried to protect me. So you see, I know of the good in you.”
The silence was deafening.
“You may well be wondering how I know this, but I do read,” she said in a teasing manner. “My brothers firmly believed in my education, and while I tend to indulge in penny dreadfuls and romantic novels, I also edify my mind with sensible reading. I have read all the arguments you have put forth. I admire them, and I believe they tell me a lot of your character, Lucan. And I see much to be admired.”
Much to be admired? Unable to face her hopefulness anymore, he turned away and closed his eyes.
He did not deserve her. Fear gripped his heart in the most unwelcomed manner. He wanted to reach out so badly and claim what she offered. A life with her. But he could never allow himself to become enmeshed with her, for the moment she found out the depth of his actions against her family, against her, she would despise him. And then he would know true pain.
For he was already in love with her.
Then why are you thinking of walking away you fool, his conscience screamed. You love her.
“Lucan?” her voice was soft as she touched his back with a feather light caress.
He groaned stifling the impulse to draw her into his arms and crush her lips to his. Though he fought hard against it, he’d had a startling realization during the early morning train ride to London—he needed Constance in his life. He’d missed her fiercely in the few days apart.
He felt as if it would take months, perhaps even years before the ache of Calydon’s involvement
in his sister’s death diminished. But he had to consider, more so than ever before, that the man should not be held as deeply in contempt as Marissa’s husband who abused her so cruelly. The night Constance had visited Decadence, Lucan had reread all fifty-six of Marissa’s letters. And then he had burned them one by one. All her hopes and fears, her pain and desperation had been infused in those words, and he refused to remember her that way anymore. He’d acknowledged what he had fought against for so long. Marissa had been as flawed as everyone else. She had taken a lover after marriage. A thing he had not thought his sweet sister capable of. He did not judge her for it, he only saw how much he had failed her.
And he only knew because she wrote how Calydon spurned her after taking her innocence, and that in her anger she wedded Stanhope. Then she had continued her affair with Calydon. She had told Lucan how her husband had beaten and tormented her after he realized she was still seeing Calydon. Lucan had been in the Americas when he received that letter, he had almost expired from horror, and traveled back to London immediately. But while he had been traveling back he intercepted her last letter to him, and realized he had lost his sister.
To now relinquish his anger against Calydon, and to recognize that he must have been as young and reckless as Marissa, was an idea that would take Lucan years to resolve. But he was willing to try, for Constance’s sake. He had to try.
“Lucan?”
He faced her and cupped her cheeks. Her eyes flared wide and the hope in them made his chest constricted. He was a damnable fool to make such a treasure slip from his grasp because of fear. “I was an insufferable ass for suggesting you wed another, forgive me.” He moved closer to her. “Will you marry me, Constance?”
