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Olivia sauntered closer to him, and he restrained the urge to tug her to him and rub soothing circles on her shoulders.
“And because I despaired of hearing the M word so much, I took pleasure in insisting I’d only marry a man who admires all of me. I found the idea grew on me.” A dimple appeared in her cheek as her smile widened. “What manner of man would actually love the fact that I may ride, shoot, and fence better than he? I have made money from my paintings, and I am quite determined to create a reputation as a reputable painter. My passions and virtues are not ones gentlemen of society seem to admire. Your mother has made that clear to me several times and it is quite disheartening to think I must pretend to have false likes and interests for a man to admire me. Even you, my lord, take some joy in calling me a hoyden and avoided me at every turn. If not for…” Her face reddened. “You would not be proposing marriage if not for…” She visibly gritted her teeth. “You know of which I speak. I do not pretend to be extraordinary, but I am not lacking.”
I’ve avoided you because night upon night I have dreamed of you tangled in my sheets with me riding you to ecstasy.
He was desperate to get his wayward thoughts under control.
“It seems as if you are against marriage and not me in particular.”
“I believe, my lord, you should imagine the simple pleasures you take for granted—riding astride, swimming in the lake—being forbidden to you and you are encouraged to only do needlework, take long walks, and play the pianoforte.”
“Life would be dreadfully boring if I conceded to such expectations.”
She laughed and it enchanted him. “I am gratified to hear you say so, Tobias.” Then she sobered. “If you had some sentiments for me, I would marry you,” she ended softly with a wistful smile. “Now I shall not even consider it lightly.”
It was then that he truly appreciated how different she was from the many ladies of the ton. All would have been filled with glee for trapping him so thoroughly, but not her.
“I do not believe in the constricting emotion of love. Nor do I believe in anger, jealously, or bemoaning one’s fate. That invariably leads to an excess of ruinous emotions.”
The tempestuous clashes between his parents that had sometimes turned violent had evoked within Tobias a deep longing for calm and a strict control over one’s emotions. The day he had learned to compartmentalize his mother’s tears and fits of rage and his father’s virulent fury one minute and then his unbridled happiness the next, life became simpler and had stayed so. And he would damn well do nothing to jeopardize that.
He had vowed he would never allow intimacy with a woman who had the power to shift the ground from underneath him, to test the restraints he had on his emotions, namely anger, jealously, and that frenzied obsession which disguised itself as love. The gossipmongers and even a few who called themselves friends named him cynical, coldhearted, and too detached to appreciate the sentiments involved in loving a woman. But he was certain on what needed to be done and would never be swayed to act rashly.
“Are you implying you do not feel? Though I can well credit such an assertion.”
“I feel, Olivia, but feelings must always be tempered with logic and rational thought before one acts. When that is done, it should be quite evident the ridiculous ways in which people oftentimes behave are not required. I took the opportunity to speak with you instead of making my offer to your father. I tried to make allowances for your sensibility, which I can see was foolish of me to do. You are determined to be pigheaded.”
She gasped, clearly affronted. “I simply do not wish for a husband to dictate my life.”
“Yet you will have one within the week. I will not allow gossips to once more stain the Blade name. I will not allow scandal to taint my sister’s future prospect. I expect you to be a countess with good sense and temperance.” The very idea of stifling her vivacity and fieriness had discomfort churning in his gut. He swiftly buried the feelings, knowing it was best for their marriage if she understood his expectations. Though a part of him wondered what he truly wanted. Lady O was the very likeness of Olivia, never had he written of a heroine with such strong alluring complexities and vulnerabilities. “And I do expect all inappropriate behavior to end.”
“And I expect you can kiss my backside,” she said sweetly.
Her vulgar tongue had arousal singing through his blood. “I will. On our wedding night, I will kiss all of you. I regret that I did not love you as I wanted to earlier. I assure you, my oversight will be rectified.”
Her eyes widened and her face turned an alarming shade of red. Then she turned and darted from the library.
Tobias chuckled. Life with her as his countess would never be boring or predictable, but he would have to be ruthless in ensuring he did not fall into the trap of all previous Blade men. Those who fell in love invariably lost all of their honor along with their senses.
Chapter Ten
After several hours of staring at the ceiling in the dark, Livvie slipped from the bed. She tugged on her robe, thrust her feet into her slippers, and left her room. She moved along the corridor in the dark, finding her way to the east wing by memory. Propriety dictated she wait until in the morning to speak with Tobias, but the thoughts and anxiety dominating her mind would not allow her to sleep a wink. The day had been dreadful. Lady Peabody had wasted no time informing a few selected friends of Livvie’s mishap. The croquet match on the front lawn had been intolerable, as everyone had stared and whispered. Worse, the dowager countess had summoned Livvie’s stepfather and mother to Grangeville Park. She wanted all to be settled with her and Tobias before her parents arrived.
Panting slightly from climbing the winding stairs so rapidly, she paused on the landing and took several steadying breaths. The oppressive dark would be disquieting to most but not to her. She hurried along the hallway and as she drew closer to Tobias’s chamber, a single candelabrum provided a slice of light. Murmurings reached her ears and she slowed her steps.
“Please, Tobias, you cannot mean to leave me here in the hall, guests may happen upon us at any time.”
Livvie’s mouth went dry.
“I am in the doorway of my chamber, Arabella, and you are in the hallway, if anyone should happen along it is your own doing.”
“You are refusing to let me in!”
“I did not invite you to my chambers.”
Relief made Livvie’s knees wobble.
“My darling, please, you cannot be serious in your earlier assertions that you are ending our relationship. Please let me in, so we may discuss the matter in a more intimate fashion,” she said throatily.
