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The perfect blend of bliss and pain as he took her had Emma shuddering and shaking as coils of need raked at her, shattering all control she had long abandoned.
“I love you, Emma,” he whispered against her lips.
Joy soared through her along with blinding doubt. Delirious pleasure swept through Emma as she shattered, and she rode the sweet wave of ecstasy trembling and moaning. With a deep groan, he thrust one more time and then tumbled with her.
“I cannot marry you, Elliot.”
It was probably not the most romantic thing to say after what they just shared, but it was blaring from her mind.
He stiffened, then cursed. He pulled from her, withdrew his handkerchief from his top pocket and cleaned her. Heat crawled up her neck. How difficult it was to meet his eyes.
“You could be with my child now,” he said softly.
Their gaze collided.
Tears filled her eyes as she stared up at him, trembling, terrified and hopeful in equal measure that he could be right. “Th…the doctors,” she stammered. “We—”
He reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Hang the doctors. Anything is possible.”
God, what have I done? Why was it so easy to be free with him?
She pulled out of his grip, refusing to meet his gaze as she swiped at the tears that escaped her control and fell from her eyes.
“What must I do to convince you?” he said finally, quietly.
She bit her lip, trying to stem the shaking of her heart. He was so tall and broad, his body leanly muscled and graceful. And she very much wanted to just lean on him after their earlier passion. “Please take me home,” she said thickly, her heart thundering in her chest. The familiar comfort of her room was where she needed to be, to simply think.
His eyes flared before they went distant. “I see. I never realized you were such a coward, Emma.”
She felt ridiculously vulnerable and afraid. She was standing rather stiffly, her hands clasped tightly in front of her, struggling against the doubts inside and the fear. “I would shame you,” she whispered. “Most days I still use a wheel chair, and I fear I will forever need one. There are good days, but those are less than the bad ones. Sometimes the pain in my leg is so bad, I will be abed for hours. I am still broken, and I fear I will never be whole.”
“Why do you allow your circumstances to define you and the possibility of us?”
“I only protect my heart from the pain of your eventual pity and derision. Of your eventual resentment if I am unable to provide you with an heir. The doctors said with the back pain I’ve suffered from the accident and still suffer, even if I were to fall with child, I might never carry that child to full term.”
His face went blank, but not before she saw the flash of raw emotions in the depth of his eyes. Emma’s breath hitched, and her heart slammed into her throat.
“Do you truly think my love, admiration, and respect would be so inconstant? Do you think I am so puffed with vanity of myself and my position in society that I cannot adore and admire the woman you are, as you are? Do you think me so without substance and heart?”
The sudden emotional distance shook her. “I did not mean it like that, Elliot.”
“Then how did you mean it?”
Perceiving that she had offended his pride and possibly wounded his heart, she made no reply, for her throat was too tight. A muscle jumped in his jaw at her silence, then a smile of icy disdain curled his lips.
“I understand now, Emma. I’ll not bother you by renewing obviously unwanted and distressing sentiments.”
His words shattered something deep inside of her, and the indifference in his voice flayed her.
“I will see you home.”
They left, and she walked ahead at a jerky pace. Her legs knotted, and she stumbled, and then strong arms were about her as he lifted and walked with her toward the boat bobbing atop the placid water. Emma cried unashamedly. His eyes held a piercing sadness as he stared at her, and she was vaguely conscious that her throat was slightly raw. They made it to the boat and settled in. She could not row, only sobbed.
“Elliot…” She stuffed a fist in her mouth, not understanding the tearing pain ripping through her heart. His eyes were so indifferent. As he rowed, he watched her as though he waited for something. And she had no notion what.
Today had shown her so much what their life could be like, what she had always dreamed it could be, fun, sensual, an entwining of souls. She wanted to see his face each night before she fell asleep, and she wanted to wake nestled in his arms. If only that were possible.
“You will let me know if you find yourself with child.”
