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“Yes! No! Not until he loves me,” she murmured in anguish. “Not until he himself wants another child, not until he sees me as a strong woman that can stand by his side.”
Beth stared at her with rounded eyes. “He has a child?”
“Had. A boy of four years, and he lost him in the most vicious way.”
“Is that why you were so silent at dinner? I thought it unusual how little you responded to the conversation.”
“Yes. What am I going to say? I…I—”
“You’ve always wanted a child, cherish the blessing you were given. I think you should—” Beth broke off at the slow closing of the door.
Sheridan turned around in the settee and her heart stilled. Elijah strode in with Grayson in his arms, his face a neutral mask. Had he heard Beth? She searched his face wildly, looking for signs of anger. Her fingers clenched in her skirt until her knuckles ached. Nothing was said, but tension stole into the room and Sheridan despised the dread that filled her.
He handed Grayson to Beth and then looked at her. Elijah’s mask slipped and the look in his eyes frayed her. She turned her attention toward the open windows unable to meet the condemnation in his gaze. She heard the door closing quietly as Beth slipped out.
“Sheridan.”
He said her name too softly. She glanced at him and almost fainted. His eyes smoldered with unnamed emotions. He moved toward her with a cold air of lethal efficiency and sat on the settee opposite her. She desperately wanted to move and could not.
“Are you with child?”
Buried underneath the question she could hear the fear and pain, and in that moment, she wished she had just packed and leave the ranch. It became difficult to force air past the sudden tightness in her throat. “No.”
The distance in his eyes grew, and Sheridan could not move despite the frantic racing of her heart.
“Are you lying to me?”
Her heart clamored. “Maybe.”
Confusion rushed through her at the slant of his lips. Why was he smiling? He certainly did not seem amused.
“Why do you think you are with child?”
He waited for her answer with a patience she admired. Her nerves were shattered and she felt as if her hope was destroyed. She had sworn to herself she would never lie to him again, but the truth was unbearable to speak. Heat crept up her face. “I missed my monthly…and I have been feeling queasy.”
“Ah,” His gaze pinned hers. “So you lied to me about bleeding?”
“Yes, but I—”
“Be quiet.”
She lifted her eyes to meet his at his cool command. His eyes were curiously devoid of any emotion. Her hands shook when she realized she looked at indifference. “I panicked when I realized I was late. I thought if we made love you would notice the difference in my breasts and how painful to touch they were for me. I wanted time before I told you. I do not want us to be married like this—”
“Take it. Go east. Assume widowhood. If you chose to stay at the ranch I will not oppose you remaining. This land belongs to you as well. Sullivan has been dealt with, and I have hired over eighty ranch hands. Miguel is fully recovered and you will be safe. I had already decided to go back to the mountains.”
He spoke flatly as if he had not just shredded her soul and destroyed all the hopes that she harbored for a home and a family. She welcomed the surge of anger that pushed away the pain. “Our child is not an ‘it’.”
Nothing flickered in his face. “I will be leaving tomorrow.”
“What are you saying?”
“I was not speaking in parables. I am leaving.”
“Because of the baby?”
“I decided days ago I would not stay. It was never my intention to stay. You knew that, Sheridan.” He rose and walked away.
“You are a coward,” she snapped.
