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He tried thinking over the fear that was beating at him. He waited for the terror to roar, to paralyze him, but instead he was only filled with a calm determination to not lose her. He had seen many men die on the battle field from far less serious injuries. Hers was a shoulder wound, but she could die from bleeding out. He needed to stop the bleeding, and wait until the doctor came. And God the baby. He hoped the stress of her body would not make her lose the baby.
“Bring me a basin with hot water. Clean linens,” he said to Beth and Mrs. Murphy.
He took Sheridan to his room and laid her gently on the bed. With quick movements he gently relieved her of most of her garments, cutting away those that required for her to be shifted too hard. She lay in her pantaloons and chemise looking pale as death.
He kept pressure on the wound watching the shallow rise and fall of her chest. He prayed to God for the first time since he had lost his family.
***
A shift in the darkness alerted Elijah to his brother’s presence. He looked away from Sheridan for the first time in hours. The icy fear that had been wedged in his chest had been slowly thawing as he watched her.
“How is she doing?” Joshua’s voice was a mere whisper.
“Good.” Elijah was silent for the longest time before he spoke again. “The baby is alive, and Doc said they will both recover as long as the fever does not set in.”
“Baby?”
He swallowed. “Yes.”
Elijah rose and walked over to the table where his Winchester lay. He felt Joshua’s stare as he slowly thumbed cartridges into his gun.
“You headin’ somewhere?” his brother demanded.
“Sullivan will not live.”
Joshua quietly drew one of the great chairs to Sheridan’s bedside and sat. “I can take care of it for you,” he offered.
“No. My eyes will be the last Sullivan looks into. I warned him and he still had someone shoot her.” Elijah cleared his throat as his voice broke. “I never believed I could feel such terror again until I heard the shot and saw her bloodied form.”
“You love her?”
Elijah hesitated almost too afraid to say it. But he would be dammed if he allowed fear to rule him anymore. What he felt for Sheridan was deep. More complex than anything he’d ever felt before. And he felt like a heel for not admitting it sooner. He could have lost her and she never would have known how much he cherished her. How much he looked forward to her smiles and the simple pleasures she took in life, to relax him, to center him. He couldn’t bear the idea of her being unhappy, living without the family and home she’d always hungered for.
The west was not made for women from her background. It was rough, savage and left no room for the weak. But she was not weak. She had dared to reach for love and he had almost crushed her for it. She had dared to find him when she was threatened, risking her life, knowing the wall he had erected around his heart. Many would have succumbed to Sullivan’s advances. Many would have wilted under the force that had been Thomas’s personality. But not her. She was his woman and he would not shy from it anymore.
“More than life itself. I cannot bear the idea of her being unhappy. I was pushing her away because of fear, Joshua, and it was damn stupid of me because no matter when I lose her, now or fifty years from now, it will leave me a shell of a man. I am determined for us to have years together, years filled with laughter and love.”
Joshua nodded. “Was wondering when you would take your head out of your ass and see what was in front of you. I know the fear you feel in losing those you love. What happened to Emma and Nathan was a tragedy I would never want to see befall our family again. You deserve peace, brother, and you deserve happiness with a woman who loves you. Losing Emma and Nathan, even almost losing Sheridan today, these are not your failures, we have no control over our fate, but we can control our reactions to them. We can control the despair when it tries to steal our soul. And the baby…Are you sure?”
Elijah smiled. “The doctor confirmed.” He raked his hand through his hair. “Why won’t she wake?”
“It i
s a good sign that she is snoring.”
He looked at Joshua. Snoring? Elijah listened and realized that was what the soft puffs of sounds were.
“I know you have been avoiding the ranch because of Beth. So thank you for coming.”
Joshua’s swift intake was loud in the room, but he did not respond.
Elijah strode to the door. “I am heading to the Double Diamond. Sullivan will not see me coming, so cease your worrying.”
Joshua snorted and Elijah smiled. “Do not leave her alone even if you hear Beth’s approach. And if Sheridan wakes before I return. Let her know I am coming back.”
Without waiting for Joshua’s reply Elijah slipped from the room. Calm settled over him. Sullivan would indeed not see him coming and he would put a bullet in his head for the vicious way he acted against Sheridan. And Elijah would have no mercy.
***
