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“Come to bed with me, Red. Let’s talk until we both fall asleep.”
She nodded. She got out of the tub and dried herself off and he just watched, absently toweling himself dry. He caught his breath when she padded naked back to her bed and climbed between the sheets. She’d washed the sheets but not the pillow case he’d slept on.
“This pillow smells like you,” she said.
“It does?”
“Yes. I’ve been pretending you are here with me every night... Tomorrow I’m going to deny that. But tonight I need you here with me.”
He understood. When the sun was out there were oceans between them and problems that wouldn’t be easily solved. And while he wanted to do what Bella said and put himself first—maybe marry Emily so that the rest of the world would have to accept her—he knew she wouldn’t go for that. She didn’t want a man who could be hers only halfway.
And that was all he could offer right now. But he knew he wanted to call her his and he needed to figure out a way.
He climbed into his own bed and curled on his side. “I don’t have a pillow that smells like you.”
“Sorry, babe.”
She smiled sleepily at him and he watched her as she started to drift off to sleep. “Thank you for being here tonight.”
“You’re welcome, Red.”
He watched over her until he knew she was sound asleep and snoring slightly. Maybe he kept the line open for longer than he should have before disconnecting the call.
He knew he couldn’t do this any longer. He was tired of making do with phone calls to Emily. He’d thought that the video call would make it easier but it hadn’t. Instead it made him long to touch her. Really touch her.
He got out of his bed, pacing to the window and looking out at the sea. The ocean was endless and as he glanced up at the moon that was almost setting he realized that in Emily’s part of the world the moon was rising. He wanted to be in the same place she was. See if there was anything really between them.
Honestly he knew this wasn’t real. How could it be? He was painting her the way he wanted her to be. And not to be oedipal or anything, but he was making Emily into the woman he wanted while imagining her as the mother he never had.
He got dressed and walked out of his room down the hall to Gabe’s. He figured Gabe would be easier to talk to than Juan Carlos. But there was no answer when he knocked.
He rubbed the back of his neck.
Damn.
He walked to Juan Carlos’s room and wasn’t surprised when his cousin answered the door wearing a dressing gown with the Alma royal seal monogramed on the breast.
“What is it?”
“I...I have to return to the States.”
“Why? You know that royal protocol states—“
“Screw royal protocol, J.C. I had a life before Alma came to us and I can’t just walk away from it.”
“You gave your word. Our family gave our word. You are the oldest.”
“I wish I wasn’t.”
“Stop being so selfish. This country needs a leader. It needs someone who can take it from the isolated kingdom it’s been into the twenty-first century. You are the man.”
“I didn’t choose this,” Rafe said. “I’m not sure I want this.”
“Too bad, Rafael, you’re birthright has brought you to this. Sure, it would have been easier if we’d been brought up on the island but that doesn’t make our legacy any less important.”
Juan Carlos would be so much better at this than him, Rafe thought. But he wasn’t from the right family line and Rafe really couldn’t—
“I have to return to the States,” he said again. “I’m the one who will be king so my decision is final.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“Why?”
“Because already I can see that your loyalty isn’t to your people. And they will see it too.”
“I can’t take care of the people of Alma until I figure out this part of my life.”
“Is there a woman?”
“Yes. Yes, there is, and I haven’t had a chance to resolve anything with her.”
“Is she...would the court approve a marriage to her?”
Rafe doubted it. Hell, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to marry her. He had to get back to her and figure this all out.
“I have no idea if I want to marry her or not. I need some time to myself to figure this out.”
“Hell. I’ll go with you.”
“I don’t want the entire family to know,” Rafe said. “Why would you come with me?”
“As you said, you can’t be a good ruler until you know where you belong. I want that, Rafe. I know I seem all tied up with royal protocol, but I want what is best for all of us. You’re like a brother to me.”
