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And with these thoughts in mind, I took a breath for courage and messaged her privately. I just wanted to make sure she was okay.
As I lie here in bed now, a couple hours later, it’s hard to believe how wonderfully the conversation went. I had expected her to ignore me, or to tell me to leave her alone, or to at least insist she decided she couldn’t let this thing happen between us, at which time I was fully prepared to convince her otherwise.
But then she told me she was sorry for running. She wanted to be stronger and hated she left this impression on me of her being weak. It seemed to me she just needed us to get to know each other better. Which I’m all for.
For me, it’s signed, sealed, and delivered. I know down to the marrow of my bones that she’s the one for me. If I hadn’t known when I saw her in the frozen pizza aisle of the grocery store, then I would’ve known the second I word-vomited secrets to her that I never told anyone. If I hadn’t realized then, I would’ve for sure known when she stuck up for me and protected my privacy by taking those students to the guy she knew, so they could get the information they needed for their project. And finally, if it still hadn’t occurred to me that I had found the one my soul wanted to reach out and cling to, then it would’ve slapped me in the face the moment I sank inside her tight heat and everything in the world disappeared but her.
But even feeling all this inside myself, I know we need to get to know each other. I know we need to learn each other’s thoughts, likes, and dislikes. Each other’s opinions and tastes. A long-lasting relationship can’t be built on a soul-deep connection and physical attraction alone. And thankfully, everything I’ve learned about her thus far has only made me like her even more. Plus, the more she gets to know me, the more she’ll trust me. Then, she’ll understand I wasn’t just telling her what she wanted to hear when I said it’s her I want, and if that means never having biological children of my own, so be it. I’ve been to countless countries around the world, cooking for fundraising events involving homeless children. There are plenty of kids out there who need homes, and from what Erin told me last night, it was always her dream to someday become a mother. No one ever said she still couldn’t be. It just won’t be to a child who has our DNA.
Or maybe they could. Can’t they like… take her egg and my swimmers and have someone else grow it? That’s a thing, right? She never said anything about her eggs being bad. Just that her uterus was “broken.”
It’s with these wild thoughts of babies and laboratories and eggs and jizzing in a cup that I fall asleep, and all night I dream of Erin and a family we create, consisting of kids of different races and ages, and one with white-blonde hair and turquoise eyes, just like mine.
Chapter 21
Erin
IT’S BEEN A month. A whole month since that fateful day I ran headfirst into the man even my dreams couldn’t conjure he’s so fucking perfect. I’ve lost count of the hours we’ve spent messaging, talking, and FaceTiming.
Before, I never would’ve believed a long-distance relationship could work out so great. For us though, it’s been exactly what I personally needed in order to heal on my own and also get to know Curtis without being swayed by the undeniable physical attraction between us.
At first, a week into waking up and falling asleep talking to him, it’d been frustrating. We both sat down with our calendars that night while we video chatted, and nothing lined up for us to be able to see each other anytime soon. He had chef obligations almost every weekend for events, and I had back-to-back patients who needed me during the week. On the one Friday coming up that I could’ve taken off, he had to film an episode of his show. By the end of the conversation, it had felt almost doomed, as if we’d never be able to see each other again.
But the very next day, Emmy called me, excitement pouring out with her every word. “We’ve been nominated for Best Documentary TV Series! Oh my God, Rin, please. Tell me you can take off and come be there for the award show!”
It was three weeks away, far enough in advance that I could maneuver my appointments around and be able to take a four-day weekend. So I told her, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Running on pure euphoria that I’d get to see my best friend for the first time in months, I immediately called Curtis as soon as Emmy and I hung up, telling him the news.
