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Bebe slips her phone into her messenger bag. “Come on, I’m starving. Let’s get some Rowdy burgers.” Rubbing her hands together, she smiles wickedly and I shake my head.
Little troublemaker.
As we walk through the fair, my senses are rushed by the sights, the sounds, and the scent of home. Country western music and kids squealing in laughter makes me smile. The scent of hay and livestock, barbecue and cotton candy reminds me of when Annabelle and I were kids, when we would come as a family.
All around us people move past us, clumped together. Families, high school athletes and sorority sisters, cowboys and bikers. A surge of nostalgia hits me. I’d forgotten how much I love this. We push in between the clumps. Some stop and stare. Their expressions curious, not placing how they know me. I recognize a number of faces from school. With their extended families. With a significant other. Watching them makes me want to have my own clump one day.
The crowd parts to reveal the Rowdy’s stand jam-packed with people waiting to be served. A little bit of pride rears up. It makes me sad that my grandfather isn’t here to witness it. It’s not lost on me that a few short days ago I was ready to wash my hands of all of this and now it’s a source of pride. Go figure.
A group of employees move, placing me in Noah’s line of sight. When his gaze catches me, he does a double take and pauses talking to someone hidden amongst the crowd. Copper eyes hold mine, expression neutral. But it’s a forced neutral. He’s trying to not give anything away when in fact he’s never been able to hide anything from me, and something in the careful arrangement of his face tells me he’s worried.
The clumps shift, move, and the person he’s speaking to comes into view. A woman holding a young child. I recognize her instantly. It’s impossible not to because it’s the woman Noah cheated on me with. Crystal Roy. Her gaze follows Noah’s line of sight and stops on me, her blue eyes flashing with something close to shame.
My stomach drops so fast I’m pretty sure it resurfaces somewhere in China. It’s amazing how much time has passed and yet seeing them together still hurts. All at once I’m dragged back to the past.
My grandfather’s words to me all those years ago come sweeping back and for the first time they make sense…
My grandfather drove me to airport the day I left Oklahoma for good. He pulled his old pickup truck over to the curb at Will Rogers Airport and parked. We hadn’t said a single word the entire hour-long ride.
I remember him staring ahead out the dusty windshield, jaw tense. He ran a fractious hand through his faded red hair and exhaled loudly, rubbed his bristly chin. I caught sight of myself in the side view mirror. My face was still tomato red from a crying jag that had gone on uninterrupted for days, the skin around my eyes raw. I was catatonic, so out of it I couldn’t even pack. My mother got me ready to leave while my father made all the phone calls and arrangements.
“Maren, I want you to listen to me,” he started quietly as we sat in the cab of the truck, the low hum of the AC blunting his words. “There are people you love that come in and out of your life and in their wake leave great memories and warm feelings. And then there are those who get into your soul…in a way they become part of you. Callin’ it love doesn’t do it justice because it’s bigger than time and distance.”
In the pause, I glanced over. Concern had settled in the deep grooves of his brow, made the lines around his mouth look more pronounced. “A moment could stretch into eternity and it still wouldn’t be enough––you get my meanin’?”
I nodded even though I hadn’t a clue. I was buried too deeply under the pain to hear the words, let alone understand them.
“Noah has lost his way and it has nothin’ to do with how he feels about you. Give him time to find it again.”
A love bigger than time and distance…
Most people spend a lifetime searching for that and never find it. I found it at ten and a day doesn’t go by that I wished I hadn’t. And if my reaction to seeing them together again is any indication, this is a curse I will never be rid of.
Bebe’s gaze follows my line of sight and the hold on my arm tightens. “I’m not feeling like burgers anymore. How about hot dogs? The kind with nitrites.” Without waiting for my reply, she drags me away.
* * *
“Oh, God,” Be says with a mouth full of hot dog. “He’s here.”
