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“Michael is right. When I first arrived here, Haydon did not want anything to do with me. I was so hurt and confused I did not know what to do. I had no money and no place to go. I could not go home, either, because my brother had beaten me until I could no longer bear it. That is when I placed the advertisement. I thought I was coming here to a man who really wanted me. Was I ever shocked to discover that not only did he not send for me, but he did not want me, either.”
“I know the feelin’,” Selina whispered, staring at the cup in her lap.
“What do you mean?”
Selina drew in a deep breath. Gathering up as much courage as she could, she caught Rainee’s eye. “I need someone to talk to about this. Promise me you won’t say anythin’ to anybody about what I’m fixin’ to tell you, okay?”
“It will not leave this room. I assure you.”
Did Selina dare trust her? The last person she trusted had done her dirty and now she and Michael were paying for it.
Then again, Rainee hadn’t told anyone about their reading and writing lessons, so maybe she could trust her about this, too. Besides, the woman knew what it was like not to be wanted by the man she’d come to marry.
“Remember when I told you that my friend Aimee wrote those letters to Michael for me?”
“Yes.”
“Well, Aimee didn’t write what I’d told her to. But I didn’t know that until after I got here and had Michael read the letters to me that Aimee sent him. Aimee had stretched the truth about some things. Plus, most things were what she’d say and do, not me. And she left out a lot of things, too. Michael was mighty shocked when he saw me.” Selina tore her eyes away from Rainee. “Aimee never did tell him I couldn’t read or write and that I carried a rifle and hunted. Or that I wore a cowboy hat and boots and trousers.”
Rainee giggled.
Selina yanked her eyes toward her sister-in-law, frowning and wondering if she was making fun of her.
Rainee stopped laughing. “I am sorry, Selina. I am not laughing at you. It is just that I have always wanted to dress like you.”
Selina’s mouth dropped open. “You did? Are you joshin’ me?”
Rainee shook her head. “No, no. I always have.”
“Well, I’ll be. Ain’t never heard anyone like you say somethin’ like that before. They usually make fun of me.”
“What do you mean ‘like me’?”
“Someone who’s got money. I ain’t had the best of luck with rich folks.”
“Neither have I.”
Again, Selina’s jaw fell open. “What do you mean?”
“Most people who come from wealth are such snobs and can be quite hateful.”
Selina didn’t know what to say to that.
“I really do envy you, Selina. I would love to wear a pair of trousers. Dresses are so binding. I would love to be like you. Free. A breath of fresh air.”
The back of Selina’s eyes stung. “Thank you kindly, Rainee. Nobody’s ever said anythin’ like that to me before, either.”
Rainee laid her hand on top of Selina’s. “I really do mean it, Selina.” She sat back. “The closest thing I ever got to wearing pants was my riding skirt.”
“What’s that?”
“Basically a pair of pants that look like a skirt.”
“Would you show me how to make some?”
“Sure will.”
Then Selina glanced at her lap. “Rainee, I know you said ya envy me and all, but could you help me to become a lady like you?” She looked up at Rainee, hoping with all her might her friend would say yes.
“Why do you want to change who you are, Selina? Everyone loves you just the way you are.”
“Not everyone.”
“Michael?” Rainee asked softly.
Selina nodded.
“I am so sorry, Selina. Of course I will help you. But, I wish you would reconsider.”
Oh, how Selina wanted to. She loved who she was and didn’t want to change for anyone. But she loved Michael. And if he wanted someone like Rainee and Aimee, then that’s what she’d give him. Her gut ached just thinking about being someone she wasn’t, though.
“Selina.”
Selina shifted her attention back onto Rainee.
“Please pray about this first, okay? I can see this is truly vexing you. But God did not make you to be like someone else. He made you the way you are for a reason. Did you ever think that perhaps God wants to use who you are to do something in Michael?”
The weight in her gut lifted. “I never thought of that before. Maybe you’re right. I’ll pray about it first.” She smiled, feeling much better.
“Selina!” Emily and Rosie ran over to her.
