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He closed his eyes when he kissed me. One, two, three brushes of his soft lips, coaxing me to accept his apology. I resisted him for all of a minute before I gave in. However, the part of my mind that could still reason insisted I would hate myself later for it so I turned my face away.
“I want to know why?”
“Why what?” he asked softly.
“Why does it please you to humiliate me? What have I ever done to you to deserve such wrath? I don’t understand you… and quite frankly, I’m tired of trying.” I stared at my hands, my fingers laced together on my lap.
There was a long pause before he spoke. “It’s not wrath…it’s…you didn’t do anything. I just…” He blew out a deep breath and raked his fingers impatiently through his hair. “You make me feel things I don’t want to feel. But I promise you that I won’t take it out on you anymore. I don’t want to hurt you, I want…” He looked into my eyes with such longing that it made my throat close up. “I definitely don’t want to hurt you,” he murmured, his voice soaked in remorse.
I had recognized the intense desire simmering under his schooled features before, even when the armor of self-control he always wore put an ocean between us, kept me safely at a distance. In the silent shelter of the gazebo, however, for a fraction of a moment, he let his guard down, reveling more than lust, revealing something profound and important and way more than I was equipped to deal with.
He kissed my swollen lips again, ran his thumb along my cheeks and wiped the dampness away. The kiss transformed the moment I wrapped my arms around his neck. Less comforting, more urgent with need. When I raked my nails through the hair at his nape and tugged it, he broke the kiss and closed his eyes. A small smile played at the corners of his sensual mouth. I had never seen him look so unguarded. It was utterly fascinating.
He hauled me astride his lap, my skirt bunching up. I could feel him as if our clothes didn’t exist. The black nylon stockings I was encased in brutally heightened the sensation. He was hard as stone. Every time he rubbed against me, sharp sparks of pleasure ignited, burst forth. His long fingers stroked the rungs of my spine and traveled lower to my bottom. Cupping my cheeks, he pressed me closer until there was no air left between us.
Pushed beyond my limits, I could no longer fight my desire for him. Frantically, I tugged the back of his shirt out of his pants in search for the hot skin of his well-muscled back. He gasped at my touch and squeezed my butt cheeks in return, encouraging me to meet his hard pulsing thrusts while he devoured my mouth.
There was certainty in the way he touched me. Like he knew what I needed, knew things about me he shouldn’t. It was so easy to relinquish all control to him, to place myself in his skilled and capable hands without reserve.
On a last powerful thrust, he pushed me over the edge of a fierce orgasm. I gripped his hair even tighter as my body clenched and released in shockwaves that seemed to go on forever. A warm and heavy bliss spread all the way to my toes and fingertips, a haze of euphoria making me drowsy. We were both panting heavily as the last twitches left me.
“But you…” I gasped.
“Not now. It’s okay,” he said, exhaling harshly.
Tenderly, he placed soft kisses on my nose, my eyebrow, my cheekbone. One after the other––as if he couldn’t stop himself. I bumped against his still painfully hard erection and sucked in a breath.
“You go inside first…I need some time,” he mumbled. He helped steady me as I got off his lap on shaky legs. But I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to leave him, feeling vulnerable and unsure about how things remained between us. It seemed like every time we reached some kind of understanding, some semblance of peace, it would quickly blow up in my face. The emotional push and pull was exhausting. I worried my bottom lip, wondering if I should say something, when his eyes, catching every detail about me, flared.
“Go now, or I won’t let you go all night,” he practically growled, punctuating the order with a quick hard kiss. All night? After what he’d just promised, I ran out of there as quickly as I could on weak, uncooperative limbs.
I spent the rest of the evening analyzing everything that had transpired until I was going in circles. I could still feel his body imprinted on mine; desire coursed through me just thinking about it.
I made him feel things he didn’t want to feel. I guess I couldn’t fault him for being honest. I could understand how lusting after a housekeeper would be an inconvenience. I certainly didn’t want to be attracted to him either, but I had resigned myself to the fact that there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
