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Whines and desperate moans came bursting out of me. I was on a straight trajectory to the most powerful orgasm he’d ever given me––and that was saying a lot. What troubled me was the why. The bruising hold on me, the filthy words whispered in my ear excited me beyond measure. Make me..go ahead and make me, the devil in me whispered.
“Let go and give me what I want,” he demanded, each word punctuated by deep and powerful thrust of his hips. “And I’ll give you what you need.”
I couldn’t resist any longer. I couldn’t fight anymore. I stopped trying to control my body––my mind. I stopped seeking, and received what he wanted to give me. Pleasure. So much pleasure a river of tears ran down my face.
“I’m begging, Sebastian, please…” My voice faded away, my mind grew quiet.
“I’ll give it to you, baby. I’ll give you everything you need, always.” And he did. He kept his promise and pushed me over the edge. I fell from the stars and landed in an ocean of euphoria.
I came…and came…and came.
Muscles expanded and contracted. I screamed his name, the sound muffled by the blanket shoved against my mouth.
Sebastian thrust one last time and stilled. Muscles turned to rock, spine curved around mine. He bit the space where my shoulder dovetailed with my neck and growled as he emptied himself inside of me. It launched me into a second orgasm.
And I came…and came…and came.
Love has a sound. It sounded like the rush of my husband’s breath by my ear. Love has a feel to it. It felt like the warm slip of sweat between our bodies, and the squeeze of his hands on my breasts as he held on in comfort. Love was all those things and more. It was the intimacy expanding between us into an unfathomable place where we were no longer two, but one.
To be so vulnerable should’ve frightened me to death, should have sent me screaming from the room. I was hanging over a cliff, trusting him to catch me when I fell. Relinquishing control was the hardest thing I’d ever done. Placing myself in his hands meant trusting him without reserve. In the farthest, darkest corners of my mind, a voice called out, told me to run and hide, to get away. Instead, I turned and wrapped him in my arms, and held him as he fell asleep.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Trust is a hothouse flower. It needs to be tended, nurtured, protected. It needs all your attention to help it thrive. While at the same time it takes very little to erode it…to kill it. One wrong move, and weeks, months, even years of hard work and care can be wiped away in the blink of an eye.
I accepted my fair share of the blame. I will admit that my actions didn’t exactly inspire trust in him. Though in my defense I didn’t do anything on purpose. But his own issues, which had everything to do with his upbringing, sabotaged it as well.
“I’ll be home after dinner tonight. It’s the only night of the week we see patients.”
Sebastian came out of the walk in closet wearing only his underwear and socks, his pants hanging from his fingertips. On cue, my reaction practically Pavlovian, my eyes roamed over him in appreciation. When they climbed back up to his face, I didn’t like what I found.
“I thought you were volunteering. That this was only going to take up a few days of your time?”
I really didn’t like where this conversation was headed. My attention descended to the shell buttons of the blouse I was busy closing. “It was at first, but Yannick––”
“Yannick?” he said, interrupting me. “Who the fuck is Yannick?”
“My God, Sebastian––language.” His scowl didn’t lessen one iota. “Dr. Kama. The attending physician. It’s his clinic.”
Four weeks had passed since I’d started working at the clinic. Sebastian had been so busy restoring order at the bank that he hadn’t noticed the long hours I had been working. All that had changed in the last week. The bank was back to running as smoothly as ever, and my husband back home earlier than usual. Russet colored eyes met brown ones––the brown ones wide with anticipation.
He looked uncomfortable, on the verge of saying something…important? “I thought you would…” He swallowed. “Now that the case is closed.”
“Would what?” My skin prickled with awareness.
He looked around. I could practically see the wheels spinning in his mind. “I thought we could try again,” he said, his eyes glued to the pants he was holding.
My heart dropped. I heard it fall to the ground. Things were finally back to semi-normal (whatever that was) between us. My job at the clinic was everything I had hoped and more…
A baby. He wanted a baby. How could I tell the man I loved more that anything in this world that I didn’t. Not right now, anyway. Sensing that an oblique attack would be most effective, I immediately went in that direction.
