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“How the fuck does that work exactly?”
“I take her out to dinner, and we get to know each other better?” It didn’t sound convincing. Not even to my own ears. But what the hell did I know, anyway? I’d never been married before. The last semi-serious relationship I had was in business school. I was doing this backwards when I barely had any experience going forward.
“Maybe you can get her a friendship bracelet with both your names on it. Or a gemstone promise ring––those seem to be popular these days.”
I flipped him the bird and Ryan chuckled.
I’d done my best to make her feel welcome. The dogs did their part. They’d jumped all over her as if Christ had arrived for her second coming. Then I’d shown Sydney to the guest room and the spare one I’d converted into an office for her. Introduced her to the new computer, desk, ergonomic chair, and so on. I’d bought the best equipment money could buy. Jan had even stocked the refrigerator and pantry for her in case she wanted to cook because I knew how much she enjoyed it. God knows, I enjoyed eating her cooking.
She’d wandered around aimlessly, staring at everything as if searching for a landmine that could blow up in her face any minute. I didn’t like it. I hated seeing her look uncertain and had to forcibly stop myself from kissing her senseless just to wipe that look off her face.
“Is she cool with that, you know…dating?”
She didn’t trust me––that much was true. Did I blame her for the skepticism? No. I had a long way to go to make amends and I was going to. I’d do anything to gain back her trust. “Shit, I don’t know, Ry, but I have to try.”
We rode on for a while in complete silence.
“I’d try too if I were you.”
Reaching the south pasture, I scanned my stock with pride. “Where’s Tiny?”
Black and twice as big as the cows, it was generally easy to spot the old bull in the crowd. And yet I couldn’t see him anywhere––not even against the white landscape. I hadn’t gotten around to getting rid of him because he’d most likely be sent to slaughter due to his age, and after all the years of giving me beautiful babies I kind of felt like I owed the old guy.
Ryan pointed to a break in the fence line. “There.”
Pure unadulterated fear rushed up on me, my pulse racing with it. All I could think about was Sydney. Wheeling my horse around, I took off at a dead gallop.
Sydney
Small puffs of air trailed after me as my legs ate up the paved road that stretched before me for miles, a straight black line cutting the snow-covered landscape in two. It had already been cleared of the snow which had fallen overnight. Above me, the sun shone brightly in the clear cerulean sky. So brightly I could feel a sunburn developing on my nose.
There wasn’t much that surprised me anymore, but Scott had. The office he’d organized had me close to weeping in gratitude. Then he’d gone and handed me a set of car keys, the Mercedes symbol winking at me from the palm of my hand.
“For you,” he’d said quietly. “It has deep-tread tires so you don’t have to worry about…” Gazing down at me, he seemed to lose his train of thought for a moment. “…bad weather.”
I was developing a thing for my husband. This was not a good thing, but I had never been a big believer in denial, and now was not a good time to start. I’d developed a very soft spot for the man I’d coerced into marriage. There’d be hell to pay for that.
Also, I was under no false assumptions. The only reason he was going out of his way to be so accommodating and thoughtful was that he’d been sleeping with other women––per my idiotic instructions––and maybe he felt a certain degree of guilt over it. So what? It didn’t mean he was going to stop. Like he’d said, three years was a long time and men like Scott couldn’t go three days without it. Meanwhile, it was eating me alive. All because my big fat mouth had gotten in the way.
I picked up the pace, anything to stave off the empty ache I’d been feeling since stepping off the jet. My lungs stung and my limbs burned. The bear spray Scott had given me banged against my ribs. Being back here, running in the clean crisp air, felt good. Moreover, it felt right.
On the white horizon, two people approached on horseback at a fast clip, their hooves kicking up snow. As they rode closer, I recognized the riders as Ryan and Scott. Ryan waved both arms like the dickens. Slowing to a jog, I popped out my earbuds and waved back.
