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They take my sister away and I send up a silent prayer to keep her safe. On my left, Charlie is crying.
“I know I’m just another silly parent, but I swear this is the most beautiful child ever to be created,” Jackie croons with a broad smile on her face.
She’s high as a kite on endorphins. She must be because I don’t remember her ever looking so peaceful. It seems like Jackie did more than give birth to a perfect baby girl. It looks like she killed some demons in the process as well.
Watching my sister with her daughter makes me realize everything I thought I wanted pales in comparison. Because this…this is it. Loving and being loved. Giving and receiving it is everything.
I miss Jake so much tears funnel down my face. Jackie turns from watching Athena’s small sleeping face in her arms and when she sees the tears, she smiles. “I don’t what her to be her history. I want her to be bold and brave.”
“And when she screws up?”
“Tomorrow is another day to get it right.”
Brushing the dampness away from my cheeks, I nod.
“What are you doing here?”
I make a face. “Celebrating the birth of my niece, you dunce. What do you think?”
“I mean, what are you doing here, Carrie?”
Nothing meaningful. The tears start falling again at the same time Charlie walks in. He takes one look at the two of us, mutters something to the effect of, “Sisters,” and walks out.
“Go get him.”
“He thinks I leaked the story to Ben.”
Jackie makes a face. “Convince him otherwise.”
“I don’t think I can.”
Jackie eventually falls asleep and Charlie conks out in the chair next to her. These two help me keep the faith that maybe one day I’ll be as lucky. I can only hope.
It’s almost ten when I get back to the house in Pacific Palisades. I pull into the driveway, ready to hit the garage door opener, when a large figure sitting on the front steps of the house stands.
He’s dressed in black track pants and a zip up hoody. A large duffel bag is hanging from his hand. I would know the shape of that man from sixty feet in a snowstorm.
Everything comes bubbling to the surface at once: love, pain, regret, the hurt. My hearts begins to race with a mix of love and anxiety.
Parking the Land Rover, I step out and Jake gives me the smallest of smiles. He walks over to the car and stops right in front of me. His gaze moving over my face like he can’t believe his lying eyes.
“Hi.” Then a deep sigh.
I can barely answer. “Hi…what are you doing here?”
“Can we talk…inside?”
I nod because, unlike him, I give people the benefit of the doubt. Especially someone I love.
He walks into the pool house, glancing around. “Nice place.”
“What are you doing here, Jake?” Now that he’s here acting sheepish all I am is angry.
“I came to see you.”
“It’s been a month.”
He nods. “Yeah, I know.”
“You walked out and you wouldn’t let me explain.”
“I know.”
Frustration builds and soon I can feel the tears rising up, trying to break loose.
“I loved you. I loved you more that I have ever loved anyone and you wouldn’t even listen! You said we would always talks, and the first sign of trouble, you cut and run.”
He’s nodding, gaze cast down. “I know. I’m sorry…I never let myself love anybody. Not after my mother. But then Mike grew on me. He wouldn’t leave me alone. He forced me to be his friend…and then he died. And I was alone again.
“Then you came along and I…” He huffs. “I liked you right away. I didn’t think I deserved anyone like you, but I couldn’t stop wanting you. I just...Everyone I loved died…so I tried to…”
He exhales sharply. “…I think I was waiting for the shoe to drop on us for so long that when the story broke, I thought that was it.”
I watch him chew on the inside of his cheek. “I was scared of losing you…and I was tired of being scared…I love you, Carrie. No matter what happens here. You have to know that.” He takes two deep breaths. “I will love you with everything I am for the rest of my life. And if there is any chance that you could love me again, will you let me try?”
He looks so utterly lost, stripped bare, that I can’t hold onto my hurt feelings for a second longer.
“Come here,” I tell him.
He takes one slow step toward me. Then another. And another. Until his arms are around me and mine are around him. I take a deep breath of his chest, get on my toes and breathe in the skin of his neck.
I don’t need to waste a lifetime to figure it out what I already know. It’s all meaningless without someone to share the triumphs and the screw-ups.
