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"Yet it's still breathing, isn't it?"
They were quiet for a long time. So long that I started to think about moving out of the cramped ball I was curled in, but I didn't want to make any noise by lying down. I wished Ian would leave so I could sleep. The adrenaline left me so worn out when it drained from my system.
"I think I'm going to go talk to Jeb," Ian eventually whispered.
"Oh, that's a great idea. " Jared's voice was thick with sarcasm.
"Do you remember that first night? When it jumped between you and Kyle? That was bizarre. "
"It was just trying to find a way to stay alive, to escape. . . "
"By giving Kyle the go-ahead to kill her-it? Good plan. "
"It worked. "
"Jeb's gun worked. Did she know he was on his way?"
"You're overthinking this, Ian. That's what it wants. "
"I don't think you're right. I don't know why. . . but I don't think she wants us to think about her at all. " I heard Ian get to his feet. "You know what's really twisted?" he muttered, his voice no longer a whisper.
"What's that?"
"I felt guilty-guilty as hell-watching her flinch away from us. Seeing the black marks on her neck. "
"You can't let it get to you like that. " Jared was suddenly disturbed. "It's not human. Don't forget that. "
"Just because she isn't human, do you think that means she doesn't feel pain?" Ian asked as his voice faded into the distance. "That she doesn't feel just like a girl who's been beaten-beaten by us?"
"Get a hold of yourself," Jared hissed after him.
"See you around, Jared. "
Jared didn't relax for a long time after Ian left; he paced for a while, back and forth in front of the cave, and then sat on the mat, blocking my light, and muttered incomprehensibly to himself. I gave up waiting for him to fall asleep, and stretched out as well as I could on the bowl-like floor. He jumped when my movement made noise, and then started muttering to himself again.
"Guilty," he grumbled in scathing tones. "Letting it get to him. Just like Jeb, like Jamie. Can't let this go on. Stupid to let it live. "
Goose bumps rose on my arms, but I tried to ignore them. If I panicked every time he thought about killing me, I'd never have a moment's peace. I turned onto my stomach to bend my spine in the other direction, and he jerked again and then lapsed into silence. I was sure he was still brooding when I finally drifted to sleep.
When I woke up, Jared was sitting on the mat where I could see him, elbows on knees, his head leaning against one fist.
I didn't feel as if I'd slept more than an hour or two, but I was too sore to try to go back to sleep right away. Instead, I fretted about Ian's visit, worrying that Jared would work even harder to keep me secluded after Ian's strange reaction. Why couldn't Ian have kept his mouth shut about feeling guilty? If he knew he was capable of guilt, why did he go around strangling people in the first place? Melanie was irritated with Ian, too, and nervous about the outcome of his qualms.
Our worries were interrupted after just a few minutes.
"'S just me," I heard Jeb call. "Don't get worked up. "
Jared cocked the gun.
"Go ahead and shoot me, kid. Go ahead. " The sound of Jeb's voice got closer with every word.
Jared sighed and put the gun down. "Please leave. "
"Need to talk to you," Jeb said, huffing as he sat down across from Jared. "Hey, there," he said in my direction, nodding.
"You know how much I hate that," Jared muttered.
"Yep. "
"Ian already told me about the Seekers -"
"I know. I was just talkin' with him about it. "
"Great. Then what do you want?"
"Not so much what I want. It's what everybody needs. We're running low on just about everything. We need a real comprehensive supply run. "
"Oh," Jared muttered; this topic was not what he'd been tensed for. After a short pause he said, "Send Kyle. "
"Okay," Jeb said easily, bracing himself against the wall to rise again.
Jared sighed. It seemed his suggestion had been a bluff. He folded as soon as Jeb took him up on it. "No. Not Kyle. He's too. . . "
Jeb chuckled. "Almost got us in some real hot water the last time he was out alone, didn't he? Not one to think things through. Ian, then?"
"He thinks things through too much. "
"Brandt?"
"He's no good for the long trips. Starts getting panicked a few weeks in. Makes mistakes. "
"Okay, you tell me who, then. "
The seconds passed and I heard Jared suck in a breath now and then, each time as if he was about to give Jeb an answer, but then he just exhaled and said nothing.
"Ian and Kyle together?" Jeb asked. "Maybe they could balance each other out. "
Jared groaned. "Like the last time? Okay, okay, I know it has to be me. "
"You're the best," Jeb agreed. "You changed our lives when you showed up here. "
Melanie and I nodded to ourselves; this didn't surprise either of us.
Jared is magic. Jamie and I were perfectly safe while Jared's instincts guided us; we never came close to getting caught. If it had been Jared in Chicago, I'm sure he would have made it out fine.
Jared jerked his shoulder toward me. "What about. . . ?"
"I'll keep an eye on her when I can. And I'll expect you to take Kyle with you. That oughta help. "
"That won't be enough-Kyle gone and you keeping an eye on her when you can. She. . . it won't last long. "
Jeb shrugged. "I'll do my best. That's all I can do. "
Jared started to shake his head slowly back and forth.
"How long can you stay down here?" Jeb asked him.
"I don't know," Jared whispered.
There was a long silence. After a few minutes, Jeb began whistling tunelessly.
Finally, Jared let out a huge breath that I hadn't realized he'd been holding.
"I'll leave tonight. " The words were slow, full of resignation but also relief. His voice changed slightly, got a little less defensive. It was as though he was making the transition back to who he'd been here before I showed up. Letting one responsibility slide from his shoulders and putting another, more welcome one in its place.
He was giving up on keeping me alive, letting nature-or rather mob justice-take its course. When he returned, and I was dead, he wouldn't hold anyone responsible. He would not mourn. All this I could hear in those three words.
I knew the human exaggeration for sorrow-a broken heart. Melanie remembered speaking the phrase herself. But I'd always thought of it as a hyperbole, a traditional description for something that had no real physiological link, like a green thumb. So I wasn't expecting the pain in my chest. The nausea, yes, the swelling in my throat, yes, and, yes, the tears burning in my eyes. But what was the ripping sensation just under my rib cage? It made no logical sense.
And it wasn't just ripping, but twisting and pulling in different directions. Because Melanie's heart broke, too, and it was a separate sensation, as if we'd grown another organ to compensate for our twin awarenesses. A double heart for a double mind. Twice the pain.
He's leaving, she sobbed. We'll never see him again. She didn't question the fact that we were going to die.
I wanted to weep with her, but someone had to keep her head. I bit my hand to hold the moan back.
"That's probably best," Jeb said.
"I'll need to get some things organized. . . " Already Jared's mind was far, far away from this claustrophobic corridor.
"I'll take over here, then. Have a safe trip. "
"Thanks. Guess I'll see you when I see you, Jeb. "
"Guess so. "
Jared handed the gun back to Jeb, stood up, and brushed absently at the dust on his clothes. Then he was off, hurrying down the hall with his familiar quick step, his mind on other things. Not one glance in my direction, not one more thought for my
fate.
I listened to the fading sound of his footsteps until they were gone. Then, forgetting Jeb's existence, I pressed my face into my hands and sobbed.
