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This time she answered him. “If it would be bearable for anybody except Elena. I think Bonnie will be fine, if you control her mind, and keep it light and romantic.”
“Like the kiss?”
She flinched, making him flinch. Then she straightened herself and met his eyes again directly, sparing him nothing. “A little lighter than the kiss,” she suggested.
He wasn’t hurt by her reaction; his mind was elsewhere. “And Matt?”
“If I can stand it—but, no, Matt isn’t sensible. You’re absolutely right. I’ve got to stop Matt even if it means hitting him over the head. He’ll try to give—and he’ll be humiliated and mortified when he can’t.”
Stefan looked away. “You were humiliated and mortified?”
“We’re being completely honest with each other, aren’t we?” He nodded.
“Stefan—it isn’t flattering.”
“Tell me.”
“I felt—well—disposable. As if, when you were done with me, you would crush me like an aluminum can and toss me in the waste basket. I kept wondering if I’d be evaluated by the FDA. I didn’t feel like a person anymore.”
Stefan could feel the hairs on the back of his neck rise. He wanted to cry. But that was as unfair to Meredith as anything else that had happened. She would end up comforting him, the perpetrator.
“Don’t—Stefan, it’s not that bad. We did it for a reason, a reason we’d both agreed on beforehand. So just saying “food” is all wrong. I guess I was thinking of the other girls—and boys—out there who saw a sudden dark shadow in the night—”
“And then found themselves being served raw. We do what we do, Meredith. We prey on your species. To us—to most of us—you are meat. And for a lot of vampires, you’re disposable, a lot of them kill when they feed But you’ve known that all along, Meredith. You knew how different we were. You knew we were that bad. How could it have come as such a surprise?”
Meredith
Meredith thought, partly because knowing something is not the same as experiencing it. And then she thought, because I was hoping I was wrong.
“Stefan—please. Whatever your race is, you are not. And some of what I felt was sheer fear and unfamiliarity.”
“No, you were right the first time. It’s not something you should have to get used to. Under any circumstances. I’m a—”
Meredith’s cell phone chimed.
Like an automaton she picked up. “Yes? Matt? Yes, we’re just finishing up here. I know time is running out. We’ll hurry.”
She put the phone down and looked at Stefan.
“The rest of my dinner getting impatient?”
Meredith just couldn’t deal with the selfhatred behind that comment. She turned away. Then, without looking at Stefan, she said, “Matt was right, you know. Time is running out.”
Meredith brushed her hands together to show that she was done. Then she picked up her purse. “I have to think a little, Stefan. Then maybe we can talk again.”
“Right,” Stefan said dully. She knew he knew without either of them having to say it, that their relationship would never be the same. That they might not have any relationship even if somehow they both survived this night.
He reached to help her into her windbreaker, but she took it from his hands and put it on herself. Her eyes were ashamed and apologetic, but she did it anyway. Somehow she didn’t want to be catered to by homo sapiens superioris right now.
“Stefan, I’m—I’m sorry. But no matter what, I’ve got to turn Bonnie over to you now.”
Bonnie, the smallest, youngest, most fragile of any of them. Stefan opened his mouth, but Meredith was already turning to unlock and open the door by herself. She turned back to say only one thing.
“It’s the biggest cliché in the human world, Stefan, but please be gentle with her.
And it’s not such a big cliché, but if you aren’t, and we survive tonight—well, then it’s going to be me coming after you. The meat bites back!
Stefan didn’t smile. Silently, he nodded.
