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Her eyes closed and her lips pursed as if in invitation, as if she yearned for him to kiss her again. But then her eyes blinked open and she swallowed. Hard.
“I need to tell you something else.” Her gaze sought his and held. “I’ve never had a lover before.”
* * *
Antonio’s expression didn’t waver, bless him. “You’re a virgin?”
Caitlyn nodded. Her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth, glued there by nerves and who knew what else—three or four of the seven deadly sins, most likely.
“That explains a lot. I’m sorry you didn’t trust me with that fact sooner. That’s why you asked for space.” His chiseled lips turned down. “I didn’t give it to you.”
Her heart fluttered. Antonio had the patience of Job.
“You did,” she corrected hurriedly. “You’ve been perfect. I’m the problem. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I don’t have any experience at...you know. And I’m nervous. You’re this beautiful, wonderful man with all these expectations about being with me, probably because I’ve led you on, and I’m... Well, I’m not Vanessa, that’s for sure—”
“Caitlyn.” The quirk of his eyebrow rendered her speechless, as he’d probably intended. “Are you trying to tell me that you think I’ll compare you unfavorably to Vanessa?”
“Uh...” Clearly, yes wasn’t the right answer. But it was the only one she had. “She was so gorgeous, with a body men salivated over. She knew how to please a man in bed, too, which she liked to brag about. It’s hard to imagine following that.”
His quick smile knocked her off-kilter. Was it that funny?
“Isn’t it ironic, then,” he mused, “that I can’t remember Vanessa?”
“At all?” He couldn’t remember his wife, the one he’d ended his career for, whose babies he’d wanted to have so badly, he’d agreed to surrogacy?
Her gaze flicked to the year-old scar disappearing into his hairline. What kind of whack to the head had he endured that his memories were that insubstantial? It must have been vicious.
“Some.” His tone grew somber. “I see flashes of her red hair and remember bits and pieces, like her laugh. It’s all jumbled in my head. Sometimes it’s her face and sometimes her body. But I don’t remember being in love with her. I feel so disconnected from her, as if she wasn’t real. I don’t remember feeling like you said I should, as if I want to be with her so badly I can’t breathe.”
The despondency in his voice caught in her chest and made it hurt. “I’m sorry, Antonio. I didn’t realize you hadn’t regained your memories of her. That must be very difficult.”
“What’s difficult is that I want to move on.” His lashes lowered and he speared her with that dark, enigmatic glance that set her blood on low simmer. “I want to be in the here and now, not stuck dwelling on the past I can’t remember. I’ve found someone new, someone I do want so badly I can’t breathe. I want to love her and fulfill her and let her do the same to me. But I can’t seem to get her into my arms.”
“Me?” she whispered.
Heat climbed into her cheeks, on cue. Duh. Of course he meant her. But her brain wasn’t working quite right. Too busy filtering through the divine idea that Antonio wanted to love her.
“Yes, you.” His thumb feathered across her hot cheek. “I not only can’t compare you to Vanessa, I don’t want to. I want what’s possible now, for as long as we have together. I want to learn about the kind of love that you talked about. Teach me.”
“How can I teach you anything? I’m not the one with experience.”
His gorgeous lips turned upward into a killer smile. “I’m not the one with any experience I can remember. In a way, this will be the first time for both of us.”
For some reason, that appealed to her. Immensely.
He didn’t remember Vanessa and wanted to learn everything about love, sex, relationships over again. It was like the slate being wiped clean—Caitlyn could make this experience anything and everything she could imagine, be as wicked in his arms as she wished and wrap it up in a beautiful emotional connection that could last an eternity.
He’d come back from the dead a different person, and she’d often dwelt on the darker changes. It had never occurred to her that amnesia would be a positive in this one case.
Except he’d been born with a body designed for pleasure, and just as he’d not forgotten how to breathe, he likely hadn’t lost any knowledge of how to make a woman quiver with desire. She couldn’t do the same to him, no way.
