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“It was more of a feeling.” She shrugged. “I didn’t have any real proof beyond the pain in his abdomen.”
“So, how did you know?”
One brow quirked up. “Not in any way that you’d approve of.”
“Ally.” Her name came out with an exhaled breath of frustration. “I’m…sorry. I’m sorry things have reached this point between us.”
Was he imagining the yearning in her eyes? She was so adept at hiding every emotion; he wondered if he was wishing it there now. He knew he wasn’t when the whisper-soft “Me, too” passed her lips. It was all he could do not to step toward her and take her in his arms.
“I want to explain about Kendall, but it’s this thing with Shay that still has me in knots. I can’t concede my anger and my disappointment—”
She interrupted with a gentle “I know, and I understand. About Shay, I mean. But I can’t be anyone other than who I am, either. I won’t change for you, Tag. I won’t change for anyone. I believe how I believe, and you believe how you do and I’m beginning to think that the two can’t meet in the middle. I will always do what I feel is right for a patient, no matter the consequences.”
With a tired sigh, he scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “I’m terrified that attitude is going to get you into real trouble one day. And when it does, I’m afraid there won’t be anything I can do to stop it.”
“I’m not asking you to. In fact, I’d rather you didn’t.”
Frustration coiled so fast and so tightly inside him, he couldn’t contain it. “But I want to! Can’t you see that I…” He wanted to say it, but telling her that he loved her would only make things worse at this point. Neither of them was willing to give where this issue was concerned. And they hadn’t even addressed what had happened with Kendall yet.
“Tag, I’ve learned that my notion of trouble and yours are different. For me, it’s worth it to give up something, even something very important to me, if it allows me to be who I am.”
And there it was. He recoiled like he’d been slapped because it was clear to him that “something” was him. Still, the pain of hearing the words aloud cut hard and deep.
“Will you at least let me explain about Kendall?”
“I see your relationship with Kendall as a similar issue. You see it as something you have to do. It’s something you’re not willing to give up in order to be who you need to be—who you think you need to be. Right?”
A double punch. Right to the gut. “Ally, I…” What could he say? She was right on one level, but what choice did he have? “It’s complicated.”
She responded with a single firm nod, as if it was the answer she’d been expecting. “I need to check how things are going with the patient and then I’m off to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.” And with those final words, she walked away.
* * *
“ALLY, YOU WANT to check out my new baseball card?” Dave asked her the next morning.
“Sure, Dave,” she said.
Tag watched Ally smile at the young doctor and felt his insides twist. That smile should be for him. Baseball card? How old was this guy, twelve?
Tag had awoken, if one could awaken from hours of blanket kicking and ceiling staring, and found his way to the kitchen. Coffee was in the pot, so he’d helped himself. Ally had joined him a few minutes later, and he’d barely had time to say good morning before Dave sauntered in, casting longing glances Ally’s direction. It was obvious the guy had it bad for her. With his floppy blond hair and easy smile, Tag thought he looked like he belonged in a tweeny band instead of a remote medical clinic in the wilds of Alaska.
Tag itched with the desire to make it clear to Dr. Boy Band that Ally was off-limits. But that was the problem; she wasn’t off-limits, was she? A funnel cloud of disappointment, frustration and jealousy whipped him up and out of his seat. The chair made a screeching sound on the hard tile floor and nearly toppled. He mumbled an “Oops” and stepped toward the coffeepot like he’d been headed there all along.
Dave went on, “Yeah, major score on eBay. It’s a rookie card. Mint. Take a walk next door with me, and I’ll show you.”
