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"Stop," Charlie shouted, about a half second too late, as Minty Fresh drove four inches of forehead into some very nicely finished oak trim above the door with a thud that shook the whole house. His feet continued on, his body swinging after, and at one point he was parallel to the floor, about six feet off the ground, when gravity decided to manifest itself.
The chrome Desert Eagle clattered all the way through the foyer and hit the front door. Minty Fresh landed flat and quite unconscious on the floor between Charlie and Audrey.
"And this is my friend Minty Fresh," Charlie said. "He doesn't do this a lot. "
"Boy, you don't see that every day," said Audrey, looking down at the sleeping giant.
"Yeah," Charlie said. "I don't know where he found raw silk in moss green. "
"That's not linen?" Audrey asked.
"No, it's silk. "
"Hmm, it's so wrinkled, I thought it must be linen, or a blend. "
"Well, I think maybe all the activity - "
"Yeah, I guess so. " Audrey nodded, then looked at Charlie. "So - "
"Mr. Asher. " A woman's voice to his right. The doors on Charlie's right slid open, and an older woman stood there: Irena Posokovanovich. The last time he'd seen her he was sitting in the back of Rivera's cruiser, in handcuffs.
"Mrs. Posokov. . . Mrs. Posokovano - Irena! How are you?"
"You weren't so concerned about that yesterday. "
"No, I was. I really was. Sorry about that. " Charlie smiled, thinking it was his most charming smile. "I hope you don't have that pepper spray with you. "
"I don't," Irena said.
Charlie looked at Audrey. "We had a little misunderstanding - "
"I have this," Irena said, producing a stun gun from behind her back, pressing it to Charlie's chest and sending a hundred and twenty-five thousand volts surging through his body. He could see animals, or animal-like creatures, dressed in period finery, approaching him as he convulsed in pain on the floor.
"Get them both tied up, guys," Audrey said. "I'll make tea. "
Tea?" Audrey said.
So, for the second time in his life, Charlie Asher found himself tied to a chair and being served a hot beverage. Audrey was bent over before him, holding a teacup, and regardless of the awkwardness or danger of the situation, Charlie found himself staring down the front of her shirt.
"What kind of tea?" Charlie asked, buying time, noticing the cluster of tiny silk roses that perched happily at the front clasp of her bra.
"I like my tea like I like my men," Audrey said with a grin. "Weak and green. "
Now Charlie looked into her eyes, which were smiling. "Your right hand is free," she said. "But we had to take your gun and your sword-cane, because those things are frowned upon. "
"You're the nicest captor I've ever had," Charlie said, taking the teacup from her.
"What are you trying to say?" said Minty Fresh.
Charlie looked to his right, where Minty Fresh was tied to a chair that made him look as if he'd been taken hostage at a child's tea party - his knees were up near his chin and one of his wrists was taped near the floor. Someone had put a large ice pack on his head, which looked vaguely like a tam-o'-shanter.
"Nothing," Charlie said. "You were a great captor, too, don't get me wrong. "
"Tea, Mr. Fresh?" Audrey said.
"Do you have coffee?"
"Back in a second," Audrey said. She left the room.
