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“Are you a nun?” asked Sophie.
“Different kind,” said Jane.
“Flying?”
“Yes,” said Jane.
“Sweet,” said Sophie.
“Sophie has nun issues,” Jane explained to Audrey.
“Flying?” asked Charlie.
“It’s a show on TV Land,” Cassie said.
“Right,” Charlie said. “So, can I take my daughter out for ice cream?”
“That would be great,” Jane said, “except everybody in the neighborhood knows Sophie, and knows that Cassie and I are raising her. All of a sudden she shows up with a strange man—”
“Wearing Auntie Jane’s suit,” added Sophie.
“It’s my suit,” Charlie said.
Jane said, “Maybe we can say we brought you in so she would have a male influence on her, like Big Brothers of America or something.”
Cassie said, “Or, we could say that we are thinking of having a kid of our own and we’re auditioning you as a sperm donor. See how you are with kids first.”
“That seems kind of dubious,” Charlie said. “Not that easy to explain casually on the street.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” said Cassie. “I’ve got it, you’re Uncle Mike from Seattle. Rachel’s estranged brother. And you’re staying with us because you can’t hold a job due to your drug problem and some run-ins with the law.”
“Yeah, so we’ve let you work as our manny, until you get on your feet,” Jane said.
“Except that money keeps disappearing from our purses,” Cassie said.
“And local dogs have started to go missing,” Jane said.
“So we made Sophie show us where you touched her on a My Little Pony,” said Cassie.
“On my horn,” said Sophie.
“She’s an alicorn,” Jane explained.
“A unicorn, a Pegasus, and a princess at the same time,” Sophie clarified.
“Of course,” said Charlie, thinking they were enjoying this family meeting way, way too much. To Jane he said, “You have broken my daughter.”
“Everybody thought you were fine,” said Jane, completely ignoring him.
“But then,” said Cassie, “I went to your apartment to borrow a cup of sugar, and you weren’t there, but the door was open, so I went in—”
“And discovered the secret room full of your mummified victims,” said Jane.
“We have one of those at the Buddhist Center,” Audrey said cheerfully. “Under the porch.”
“Audrey, please stop helping,” Charlie said.
“What? It’s nice to be included.”
