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“I agree...ninety-nine-point-nine percent of the time. You and Knox are that zero-point-one percent. You aren’t a rebound for him. I think you both had to go your separate ways and lose what you just had to know what you had.” Her mom paused a beat. “By the way...how was it?”
Hadn’t her mom already told her she was glowing? “Wonderful.” She wasn’t about to go into any more detail than that, but she was definitely walking around with some great sexual buzz going on. And definitely looking forward to seeing Knox again this evening.
“Oh, good. I think I’ll have a piece, too.”
What...?
Her mother chortled. “Honey, you’ve definitely got a one-track mind today. The pie...I’m going to have a piece of pie.”
Right. She was still looking forward to getting naked with him again tonight. And despite her mother’s words, Trudie would keep her heart to herself.
9
KNOX WOKE UP the morning after the Chrismoose finale. Christmas Eve. Today they’d head back to Anchorage. Trudie was still snoozing. Even though she’d turned down his official offer to spend the week with him, she’d wound up spending her nights with him. He grinned. He couldn’t think when he’d ever been happier...even without Mormor here. Neither had made any grand pronouncements, but he and Trudie had quietly gone to a couple of the events together. He’d had dinner with her folks a couple of nights. He hadn’t been totally sure how Eldon and Harriet would take Knox and Trudie being lovers, but everything had been good. They welcomed him back into their family as if he’d never strayed—with open arms and warmth—much like a prodigal son.
Before they’d headed back late yesterday, Trudie’s parents had invited him to join the family for Christmas dinner tomorrow. Knox had readily accepted. He did notice that Trudie remained quiet. She had, however, been a tigress in bed last night. They’d had very little sleep.
She blinked her eyes open.
“Morning.”
“Morning.” She sniffed delicately at the air. “I don’t smell any coffee.”
“You’re spoiled.”
“You created the monster, so it’s your obligation to feed it. Coffee, please.”
Laughing, he swung out of bed and padded naked into the kitchen. Jessup ran outside while he made the coffee. Their mornings had taken on a nice rhythm. He didn’t want to give that up. He didn’t want to give her up. Things were so good with them...surely she knew it, too. They were good together. He sensed—make that definitely felt—a reserve with Trudie that hadn’t been there before, but then again they hadn’t been lovers before.
Jessup whined at the door and he let the dog back in. Trudie climbed down the loft ladder, finally lured out of bed by the aroma of her morning brew.
“Thanks, Knox.”
“Monster.” He made a split decision, going with his gut. He reached under the tree and switched tags. He’d give her the earrings tomorrow.
He straightened, the small box in hand. “Today, I get mine first. Come on, hand it over.”
She laughed but handed him his eleventh-day gift then sat on the couch. “See,” he said, “I’ve obviously hung around you too much and your avarice for presents has rubbed off. You’ve created a monster as well.”
“Apparently.”
Knox opened the box. A miniature carving of a dog lay nestled in tissue. It easily fit in the palm of his hand and bore an incredible likeness to his pooch. “It’s beautiful, Trudie.”
“Well, now, even when you can’t take Jessup with you, you can take his mini-me with you.”
“Thanks, honey,” he said, sitting next to her and hugging her.
“I’m so glad you like it. You’re welcome.” She held out her hand. “So...”
“Grubber.”
“Am I a monster or a grubber? Make up your mind.”
“How about a grubbing monster? And I’d like to make you mine.”
A hint of wariness shadowed her eyes. “Mind.”
He took the coffee cup out of her hand and placed it on the end table. “No, mine.” He handed her the box but she simply sat and looked at it. “Open it.”
“Okay.” Her smile seemed strained. Instead of ripping off the bow and paper, this time she carefully dissected the wrapping job. He wasn’t sure if she was stalling or she sensed that this gift wasn’t like the others. Either way it didn’t matter. He was still going to do what he was going to do.
She lifted the box lid and gasped. “Oh, Knox, it’s absolutely exquisite.”
“It reminded me of you the moment I saw it.” She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, pressing a kiss to his lips, but it was a chaste kiss.
“Let’s see how it looks on,” he said. He plucked the ring from the box and she handed him her right hand. Instead he took her left hand and slipped it onto her ring finger. “Perfect fit. And it looks great on you, too.”
She was totally flustered. “It’s very nice.”
He could feel her retreating even though she hadn’t moved but he was determined to stay his course. He’d lost his way once before and nearly lost her forever. He’d be damned if he’d risk that again.
He smoothed her hair back from her face and then cupped her cheek in his palm. “Marry me, Trudie. I love you. Jessup loves you. I’ve missed you. I don’t want to miss you again. I want to wake up to your crazy hair and make you coffee every morning. I want us to have a couple of kids together and grow old together, still fishing and camping and doing what we do. You’re not just my best friend, you’re the love of my life.”
Jessup, in a moment of good timing that made up for his bad timing earlier in the week, came and rested his head on Trudie’s knee and gazed up at her as if to add his plea as well.
Trudie looked away from both of them. “Knox...I... This is so hard.... I just can’t.”
“Make me understand why you can’t.”
She wrapped her arms around her knees and rested her chin on them. “I think I finally understand what happened when Mormor died. You just couldn’t be with me. But what if something tragic happens after we’re married five, ten or even twenty years and once again you just can’t be with me? I can’t go through that again. And you and Elsa have only been broken up a couple of weeks. What if we don’t even get five or ten years under our belt? What if a couple of months from now you figure out I was a rebound? I just can’t, Knox.”
“I don’t know what to say to convince you, Trudie. You are definitely not a rebound and I will never walk away from you again.”
She put her hand over her heart and tears glimmered in her eyes. “There’s this reserve in here. It’s not that I necessarily want it to be a part of me...of us...but it is. I can’t love you body and soul, Knox.”
She deliberately moved his ring to her right hand.
He felt as if she’d just ripped out his soul. And he could argue with her all day, but he’d known Trudie a long time and she had a stubborn streak a mile wide. They were at an impasse and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
