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‘You have put a lot of thought into the defence of this place.’
‘Someone had to.’ She shrugged. ‘Once my father died, we could no longer depend on his reputation as a warrior to keep the sea kings away.’ She gave a strangled laugh. ‘Did you pay much attention to reputations?’
‘Some,’ he admitted. ‘Will you miss the voyages?’
‘I always liked coming home the best,’ she admitted, hugging her arms about her waist. Proof if she needed it that she wouldn’t be travelling again. ‘Seeing the gables rise up from the sea and knowing that everyone was safe. Some parts were exciting, but I did it for this place. Land gets into your blood. And you did promise that I could go with you to the East.’
‘There were conditions to that promise. Have you fulfilled them?’
She crossed her arms and refused to allow her disappointment to show. He’d only given his word because he felt she wouldn’t succeed. ‘I’m trying.’
‘Very trying.’ His soft laugh rippled over her skin.
When she turned suddenly, he was there. Tall and unyielding. Masculine. She watched his mouth. She wanted to taste it again.
‘Do you have much experience farming?’ she asked in desperation. ‘Do you know how to run an estate like this one? Or will more voyages be required to keep it functioning.’
‘When I was a boy, I lived on a farm, but my father lost it and I was forced to seek my fortune. I always dreamt of owning somewhere like this.’ He reached down, picked up a handful of grain and held it for a heartbeat before allowing it to trickle through his fingers. ‘I will make it work. There is much that can be done. Walking around here, it continually amazes me that no one challenged you.’
‘The reason is obvious to me.’ Sayrid gave a careful shrug. ‘My reputation as a warrior deterred many. A man wants to be a better warrior than his wife.’
‘I’ve no worries on that score.’ He took a step closer. ‘Or maybe the way you scowl at everyone so they will think you tough when you are really scared. When are you going to let the true Sayrid come out from behind that mask you wear? The woman who kissed me down at the harbour? When are you going to stop hiding behind your sword arm?’
Sayrid bit her lip. There was no easy way to answer that. She was proud of her skill, but she wasn’t stupid. Her sword arm intimidated most men. Her stepmother had predicted it and she had been proved right. Except for Hrolf, whispered her heart. She quickly silenced it. Hrolf had married her for reasons which she still did not quite understand, but she was fairly certain had nothing to do with her as a person.
‘I can teach your daughter. It is a way for me to keep my hand in, but I won’t be fighting men.’
‘My daughter knows enough. I’ve not left her defenceless.’ He turned from her and picked up hay, which he gave to one of the horses. ‘My seafaring days are over for the moment. I plan to farm. I won’t have what happened to you happen to her.’
‘What did happen to me?’ Sayrid tapped her foot on the ground. ‘I chose my path. I fought for it.’
‘A shield maiden is not the life I would hope for her. No woman should have to endure it. Their menfolk should ensure it. A warrior’s life is hard.’
Sayrid stared at the hay-strewn ground. The truth finally. It was as she feared. He disapproved of her and her lifestyle.
All that closeness on the boat had merely been comradely. The bright shining hope she had had that she could continue to do the things she loved faded.
‘I don’t regret what I have done,’ she said around the lump in her throat. ‘I’m proud of it. I made sure my family survived and prospered. What is the harm in that?’
He lifted a brow. ‘It is not something I’d wish for my daughter. Daughters should be kept safe.’
‘I understand.’ Sayrid turned away. She refused to show how much he’d hurt her. Underneath, he was like the others. He would never understand about her scars and would find them grotesque. Scars were expected on a warrior, but on a lady they repulsed, her stepmother had said with each swipe of the sand and seawater. The knowledge caused a great hollow to open in the pit of her stomach. ‘You wish to forget what I was.’
In the dim light his eyes narrowed. ‘When you have time, you may fashion gowns which fit you. You have to think about who you are now, not who you were. The sooner you embrace your new life, the sooner you get busy living it. My uncle once gave me that piece of advice and he was right. You have to stop being scared, Sayrid. I married to have a wife, not another warrior at my back.’
