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‘Did I?’ His face suddenly became very hopeful. ‘Do you want something more, Sayrid?’
‘Why are you here, Hrolf?’
‘I was coming to apologize and to offer you a place on my next felag.’
‘Your next felag?’ Sayrid’s heart pounded. He was going to leave. His alliance with Kettil had been to guard against Lavrans and now that the sea king was dead, there was nothing to stop Hrolf from going back east. And she hadn’t even begun to conquer the womanly arts like they had agreed. ‘Where are you going?’
‘I was thinking about Constantinople. I believe you expressed an interest in going there.’ He caught her hand and brought it to his lips. ‘If that is where you want to go, it is as good a destination as any.’
Sayrid stared at him. Her heart pounded so rapidly that she was certain he must be able to hear it. ‘When the time is right, I would love to go to the East, but not for glory or gold. I want to honour your bodyguards and see where Inga came from.’
‘When the time is right? Sayrid, I want you as you are, not some perfection of womanhood.’
A lump came into her throat. He was offering her the chance but she looked around her and knew she couldn’t. ‘I can’t abandon everyone here, you understand. I love my home even when it is a smouldering wreck, especially when it is a smouldering wreck. I am good at organising things as well as fighting. You’ve shown me that. So you go and I will stay here, making sure this estate prospers.’
Hrolf’s face swam in front of her. She was aware that he still had her hand. She tugged, but his fingers held her tighter. ‘Hear me out, Sayrid, and then decide.’
She nodded briefly.
‘I told you a lie the other day. I told you that I could never love and I was wrong.’ He pulled her close. ‘I was wrong about many things and I’m sorry. I want you to be happy and if that means taking you off on a felag, then that is what I want. If it means staying here, rebuilding and bringing up our children, then that is what I want, but I want to be with you. Always to be with you.’
Her heart stopped in her throat. Hrolf was speaking of love. A tiny seed of hope grew within her breast. ‘You love Inga, that much is obvious.’
‘I can admit to loving Inga because one very maddening woman taught to me to love.’ He brushed her hair away from her forehead. A flame flickered in his eyes. ‘Today I died a thousand deaths because you were in danger. The reason I fought so hard was because of you. And I bitterly regret changing your life so much. You are a great warrior, Sayrid. One of the best I have ever fought alongside. And I should be proud of that. But I want a wife, a woman in my bed as well. Is that greedy of me?’
‘Which woman?’
He leant forward and nipped her nose. ‘You, but you how you are. I don’t care if you burn food or mix up threads as long as you are there for me. You make me think. I fell in love with you the instant you escaped from me and swam out to that blasted boat. You have been in my dreams ever since.’
‘You dreamt of me?’
‘I’m happy to say that the reality of you far outweighed any dream. You are the only woman I want. You are the heart of my life.’
‘I want to stay here with you. I want to rebuild this hall and make it a place of prosperity so that our children do not have to raid. And then I want to visit the far places I’ve dreamt about with you.’ Sayrid placed her head on his shoulder, marvelling at his words. Hrolf loved her, truly loved her. ‘Once, my ambition was to be a great warrior above all things, but now I want to be a wife and mother. I might be the heart of your life, but you are the one who gives me life.’
‘Just as I want to be a husband and a father before being a warrior.’ He traced the outline of her lips.
‘We can work together to create a household where all are valued.’
He brushed his lips against hers. ‘Sayrid Avildottar, will you be my shield maiden forever?’
‘I would rather be your wife.’
‘You are both.’ He captured her lips and for a long time, they allowed their bodies to express their love for each other.
Epilogue
Two and a half years later
In the dim light, Sayrid sat next to the double cradle, absently rocking her sleeping babies as she listened to the dying sounds of the feast.
Earlier, the rebuilt hall had rung with applause when Inga had recited her first saga in honour of Auda’s marriage. Sayrid thought the saga owed a lot to the events surrounding her own marriage to Hrolf, but Inga swore that no one else would notice. Inga also included a bit from the journey they had taken a year ago down to Constantinople.
