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Silently he prayed to any god who might be listening that he would be able to prove it and he would not be the one to end Helgi’s life. He owed Helgi far too many debts. ‘If he has betrayed me, I will not hesitate. I haven’t in the past. Let me go.’
‘To do what? Leave and not come back?’
‘To fight for us both.’ He lifted her chin so he could stare directly into her eyes.
She slammed her fists together. ‘I will return with you. You owe me this, Ash.’
He stared at her, dumbfounded. Hadn’t Kara listened to a word he had said? He had made arrangements for her. ‘You can stay here, safe and unmolested. No one will doubt Rurik’s claim to this place. I will make sure of it. It will be better for you to look after Rurik here.’
‘Rurik goes to Sand, as well. We all go or none of us goes.’
He stared at her open-mouthed. ‘You are going to risk Rurik in Sand? Why? He is safest here!’
‘He will be safer with you than being left here, and there is no one I will leave him with, not after what happened the last time. There, I’ve given you an excuse if anyone asks, but I want us to be together as a family. We face this together. United against the world.’
Ash gulped hard. Kara wanted to come with him. Once, he’d longed to hear those words. Now they made it worse. This wasn’t about proving his worth as a warrior, but saving his family. He had to outthink his uncle and he couldn’t do that if he was worried about Kara and Rurik. Here at Jaarlshiem he could leave enough men to protect them. In Sand anything could happen to them.
For the past seven years, he had only had himself to worry about and now he was terrified for Kara and Rurik. He wanted to be able to protect them, not just because he had a duty towards them but because he cared about them.
‘Your offer is unexpected.’ He ran his hand through his hair, wondering how he could stop her without destroying this new fragile bond that had grown between them in the last few days. And he selfishly wanted her there with him, which was wrong. If he was truly the man he wanted to be, he’d make her stay where she was safe.
‘Unexpected or unwelcome?’ she asked sharply.
‘I’m used to being on my own. Worrying about myself and no one else. I have everything under control.’
She slipped her hand through his arm. ‘You are not on your own any longer.’
Ash’s stomach knotted. Her saying that made it worse. The walls pressed in on him, making it difficult to breathe. He had planned everything. Kara was supposed to want to stay out of harm’s way. She wasn’t supposed to volunteer to come with him. ‘It could be a trap. My uncle might try to harm you or Rurik to get at me. Think of how that will make me feel.’
‘You proclaimed that everything was in hand.’ Her mouth turned mulish. ‘If it is safe enough for you, it is safe enough for Rurik.’
‘It is different for me. I know the risks. You can stay here. I will leave my men to guard you.’ He ran his hand down the length of her arm. ‘I want to know you are safe. Do this for me.’
Her lashes swept down, hiding her expression. ‘You asked for the opportunity to show me that you have changed. I will give you that opportunity. Will you let me come and bring Rurik?’
Ash brushed his lips against hers and tried to dispel his sudden sense of panic. He wasn’t a better man. He was a selfish one who would take every opportunity to be with his wife and child. The fact tore at his insides. ‘After this afternoon, I’ve no wish to let you go.’
‘Then you agree. I’ll come.’
‘How can I stop you?’ He bowed his head. The walls of the hall seemed to bear down on him, reminding him of his duty and how he’d failed before. Far more was at stake this time. There would be no second chance to get it right. ‘I need to see my men and make sure all is ready, including a cart for you and Rurik.’
* * *
Kara paced her chamber. She had retired for the night after she had given up waiting for Ash to return from his making arrangements for their departure. Her mind spun with all the worries about the future. Ash was going again and she had no guarantee when he might return. Or if. And had he truly meant his words about becoming a farmer? Or had that been a sop?
After giving a soft knock, Ash entered the room. ‘Valdar and his men are bedded down. Safe and secure. And all arrangements are in hand. We leave at first light.’
‘Was it that difficult?’
‘It took some doing.’ Ash ran his hand through his hair. ‘He doesn’t know you are coming yet.’
