AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She finished on a half-laugh combined with a sob.
A coward. Powerful and primitive urges filled Kit. He longed to wring his neck for making a woman like Hattie suffer.
‘So it was an arranged marriage?’ he asked, trying to understand why someone who was so passionate had opted for something as bloodless as an arranged marriage.
‘It was a marriage because he took me out to a summer house and whispered sweet nothings, swearing eternal devotion.’ A single tear tracked down her cheek. She brushed it away before he could capture it. ‘I was in love with the romance of it all. My husband knew the right words to woo me. I only discovered the truth after it was far too late.’
‘On your wedding night?’
Her throat worked up and down. Her entire being vibrated with anguish. ‘Worse, after he died. Stupid fool that I was. I swallowed his lies whole, never questioned. He was away, fighting, most of the time.’
‘You never questioned or you didn’t want to question?’ he enquired.
She gave a sickly smile. ‘It made it easy to keep my illusions. I lived for his letters. They were so sweet and so full of promises.’
‘Were you in love with him?’ He held up his hand, appalled that the question had slipped out. ‘That was bad of me. I apologise. I have no right to ask.’
She turned her blue-green shimmering eyes to him. ‘Sometimes I wonder if I ever loved him or just the idea of him,’ she said in a deadly calm voice which contrasted with her earlier anguish. ‘When I found out about his perfidy, I discovered that I couldn’t tell anyone about the truth of the marriage.’
‘Why?’
‘I’ve my pride. I paid his debts and settled his other loose ends in the most expedient fashion. Then, Stephanie needed help and so I gave it, selfishly gaining a new start to my life where no one could pity me.’
‘And no one knows about it? Not even your sister?’
‘You know now.’ She wiped her eyes with fierce fingers. ‘I didn’t want you to have some mistaken idea about my marriage. Or how I might feel about my late husband.’
Kit’s heart leapt. Her marriage was far different from the one he’d imagined. He wasn’t competing against some perfect ghost, but rather she’d been damaged in some way because of her late husband’s heavy-handedness. It put the kiss they had shared in an entirely different perspective.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I had no idea.’
She dipped her head. Her hands were folded in her lap. ‘You can’t lose something you never had.’
He watched her without saying anything, but he could see she was teetering on a knife’s edge. He doubted that she would have shared this information even a few hours ago. The fight had changed everything. He was very glad it had. The minor discomfort of a few bruises and pulled muscles was nothing compared to the relief of not competing against a ghost.
‘What would he have wanted for you?’
‘What he would have wanted is no concern of mine.’ She shook her head. ‘Stephanie keeps telling me that he’d have wanted me to marry. Charles Wilkinson was a dear friend of my brother-in-law’s. Every time she brings the subject of remarriage up, I become more determined to stay a widow.’
‘You are allowing him to define you.’
‘I beg your pardon.’ Her nostrils quivered like she was a wild deer, catching the scent of a hunter.
‘You devoted your life to making Charles Wilkinson seem respectable. Why on earth did you do that?’ Kit asked, keeping his voice soft and steady. He wanted to release her from the prison she’d encased herself in. Misplaced guilt. She had sealed herself off from love and desire. She denied her passionate nature. ‘Where has that led you? Are you any happier for it?’
‘Since when did my happiness become any of your concern?’
‘Since I decided to fight for you. What happened, happened, Hattie. You can’t change it, but you can stop allowing your life to be defined by it. It is not good to live in fear. You are a passionate woman. Why must you shut yourself off from life?’
‘I will accept that you have no idea what you are saying due to the laudanum.’
Before Kit could protest she stood up and walked out of the room. Kit clenched his fist and slammed it down on the bedclothes. Since when did he break his rules about non-interference? It was better to allow her to go. Her life was nothing to do with him. She should be able to lead the sort of life she wanted, even if it was limited.
