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Creb had been watching silently, hardly daring to believe she was really back. There were stories of people returning after a death curse, but he still didn’t believe it was possible. There’s something different about her; she’s changed. She’s more confident, more grown up. No wonder, after what she’s been through. She remembers, too. She knows I burned her things. I wonder what else she remembers? What is it like in the world of the spirits?
“Spirits!” he motioned, suddenly remembering. The bones are still set! I must go break the curse.
Creb hurried away to break the pattern of cave bear bones still set in the form of a death curse. He snatched the torch burning outside the crack in the wall and went in, and gaped in surprise when he came to the small room beyond the short passage. The skull of the cave bear had moved, the long bone no longer protruded through the eye socket, the pattern was already broken.
Many small rodents shared the cave of the clan, drawn by the stored food and warmth. One of them had likely brushed past or jumped on the skull, tipping it over. Creb shuddered slightly, made a sign of protection, then moved the bones back to the pile at the far end. As he walked out, he saw Brun waiting for him.
“Brun,” Mog-ur gestured when he saw the man. “I can’t believe it. You know I haven’t been in here since I laid the curse. No one has. I just went in to break it, but it was already broken.” His expression held a look of wonder and awe.
“What do you think happened?”
“It must have been her totem. It’s past the time; maybe he broke it so she could return,” the magician answered.
“You must be right.” The leader started to make another motion, then hesitated.
“Did you want to speak to me, Brun?”
“I want to talk to you alone.” He hesitated again. “Excuse my intrusion. I looked into your hearth. The girl’s return was a surprise.”
Every member of the clan had broken the custom of averting eyes to avoid looking into another’s hearth. They couldn’t help it. They had never seen someone who had returned from the dead before.
“It’s understandable, under the circumstances. You don’t have to be concerned,” Mog-ur replied and started to move on.
“That’s not what I wanted to see you about,” Brun said, putting out a hand to detain the old magician. “I want to ask you about ceremonies.” Mog-ur waited expectantly, watching Brun grope for words. “A ceremony now that she’s back.”
“No ceremonies are necessary, the danger is over. The evil ones are gone, there’s no need for protection.”
“I don’t mean that kind of ceremony.”
“What kind do you mean?”
Brun hesitated again, then started in a new direction. “I watched her talking to you and Iza. Do you notice a difference in her, Mog-ur?”
“What do you mean, a difference?” Mog-ur signaled warily, unsure of Brun’s intent.
“She has a strong totem; Droog always said she was lucky. He thinks her totem brings us luck, too. He might be right. She would never have come back without luck and strong protection. I think she knows it, now. That’s what I meant by different.”
“Yes, I think I noticed a difference like that. But I still don’t understand what it has to do with ceremonies.”
“Remember the meeting we had after the mammoth hunt?”
“You mean when you were questioning her?”
“No, the one after, without her. I’ve been thinking about that meeting ever since she left. I didn’t think she would come back, but I knew if she did, it would mean her totem is very strong, even more powerful than we thought. I’ve been thinking about what we should do if she did come back.”
“What we should do? There’s nothing we have to do. The evil spirits are gone, Brun. She’s back, but she’s no different than she always was. She’s just a girl, nothing has changed.”
“But what if I want to change something? Is there a ceremony for that?”
Mog-ur was puzzled. “A ceremony for what? You don’t need a ceremony to change the way you act toward her. What kind of change? I can’t tell you about ceremonies if I don’t know what they’re for.”
“Her totem is a clan totem, too, isn’t it? Shouldn’t we try to keep all the totems happy? I want you to hold a ceremony, Mog-ur, but you have to tell me if there is such a ceremony.”
“Brun, you’re not making sense.”
Brun threw up his hands, abandoning his attempt to communicate. While Ayla was gone, he’d had the time to mull over the many new ideas some of the men had put forth. But the disconcerting result of his musings intruded uncomfortably into the clan leader’s mind.
“The whole thing doesn’t make sense, how can I make sense out of it? Whoever expected her to come back, anyway? I don’t understand spirits, I never have. I don’t know what they want, that’s what you’re here for. But you’re not much help! The whole idea is ridiculous anyway. I’d better think about it again.”
Brun turned on his heel and stalked off, leaving behind a very confused magician. He turned back after a few steps.
“Tell the girl I want to see her,” he signaled and continued on to his hearth.
Creb shook his head as he returned to his own hearth. “Brun wants to see Ayla,” he announced when he got back.
“Did he say he wanted to see her right away?” Iza asked, pushing more food in front of her. “He won’t mind if she finishes eating, will he?”
“I’m through, mother. I can’t eat another bite. I’ll go now.”
Ayla walked to the next hearth and sat at the feet of the leader of the clan with her head bowed. He had on the same foot coverings that were worn and creased in the same places. The last time she had looked at those feet, she was terrified. She was no longer terrified. To her surprise, she didn’t fear Brun at all, but she respected him more. S
he waited. It seemed to be taking an extraordinarily long time for him to acknowledge her. Finally, she felt a tap on her shoulder and looked up.
“I see you’re back, Ayla,” he began lamely. He didn’t quite know what to say.
“Yes, Brun.”
“I’m surprised to see you. I didn’t expect it.”
“This girl did not expect to be back, either.”
Brun was at a loss. He wanted to talk to her, but he didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t know how to end the audience he had requested. Ayla waited, then made a gesture of request.
“This girl would speak, Brun.”
“You may speak.”
She hesitated, trying to find the right expression to say what she wanted to say.
“This girl is glad to be back, Brun. More than once I was frightened, more than once I was sure I would never return.”
Brun grunted. I’m sure of that, he thought.
“It was difficult, but I think my totem protected me. At first, there was so much work to do, I didn’t have much time to think. But after I was trapped, I didn’t have much else to do.”
Work? Trapped? What kind of world is the spirit world? Brun almost asked her, then changed his mind. He didn’t really want to know.
“I think I began to understand something then.”
Ayla stopped, still groping. She wanted to express a feeling that was akin to gratitude, but not the way gratitude was normally felt, not gratitude that carried a sense of obligation or the kind a woman usually expressed to a man. She wanted to say something to him as a person, she wanted to tell him she understood. She wanted to say thank you, thank you for giving me a chance, but she didn’t quite know how.
“Brun, this girl is … is grateful to you. You said that to me. You said you were grateful for Brac’s life. I am grateful to you for my own.”
