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‘Yes, we don’t want an outraged Sebastian.’ She gave a little hiccupping laugh and he knew all was not right between her and her cousin.
‘Cawburn wouldn’t dare.’ Robert thought of the debts daily flooding into his office. The man was in desperate straits. The sooner he retired to the Continent, the better for everyone concerned.
‘I don’t know what Sebastian will or will not do,’ Henri replied. ‘I used to know. I used to think he lived by a certain code. He’s changed.’
‘You can trust me.’
‘It’s a family matter.’ Henri watched him under her lashes. It was incredible to think that a few moments ago she had held his body against hers, that they had been as close as two people could be. But he didn’t need to know the horrible things Sebastian had been saying. ‘I’ll deal with my cousin. I have done so before. He should know better than to try and flim-flam me.’
‘I’m here to help.’
‘Do you think we can keep this a secret? That my aunt won’t guess?’ Henri put her hand to her mouth, and explored her aching lips as she searched for a way to change the subject. To explain about Sebastian would mean she’d have to reveal something about herself and how she’d behaved with Edmund and she wasn’t ready for that. She wanted Robert to think of her in a good light. ‘I must look dishevelled.’
Her entire being cried out for words of endearment, but Robert simply looked at her. She wanted him to say many things, but he was silent.
‘You look adorable, Henri,’ he said finally.
‘Adorable—oh, dear.’ Henri attempted to think clearly.
‘What’s wrong with adorable?’
‘If anyone thinks there is something between us, they might try to matchmake and being alone together will become that much more difficult.’
‘Always the practical one, but you remain adorable,’ he said, trailing a finger down her bare arm.
‘We both must exercise self-control.’
‘Self-control? My control is lacking where you are concerned.’ He gave a heart-stopping smile. ‘With you, I lose all sense. My body craves you, and you are a most pleasurable addiction.’
‘We will have to plan and co-ordinate. It is far. far too risky just to meet.’ Henri kept her back upright. After what they had just shared, she was not going to beg or ask for more. But no words of tenderness or love had passed between them. She could be like Sebastian and her father, and take her pleasure without having her heart involved. To be any other way was to invite heartache and she had had enough of that to last a lifetime. This was all about the physical and not her heart. It was desire and dark passion. And like a fierce fire, it would burn out, leaving nothing but unremarked ash. One never grieved for ash. She shivered slightly and silently hoped that it would last for a long while yet.
‘I thrive on risk.’
‘You do?’ She stared at him in astonishment and her stomach turned over. She started to shiver with cold. Her instincts shouted to trust him, but she worried.
He ran a hand down her arm, sending a cascade of warmth throughout her, banishing the cold. ‘The next time we are together, it will be between white linen sheets—when we have time to enjoy each other properly, when you do not have to fear an errant gardener or servant spying. I may thrive on risk, but I know about caution.’
Henri breathed again. ‘The next time?’
‘Surely there is to be a next time.’ His fingers trailed along the edge of her gown.
‘As long as we are discreet.’ Henri’s entire being tensed. How could she refuse him after what they had just shared? But if she didn’t, everything she had said over the past ten years about how she could never marry again was a lie. She could not marry and keep her heart safe at the same time. She could not bear to go into that dark place that she had gone to when she beheld Edmund’s waxlike face, not with anyone. Not with Robert. ‘You know how I feel about marriage.’
The crinkles deepened in the corners of his eyes as if they were sharing a private joke. ‘I respect you far too much to go against your wishes. You wish to have your independence and so you shall. But our affair is not a one-time joining. I am greedy, Henrietta Thorndike, I want more than that. And should there be consequences, we will deal with them together. I take my responsibilities seriously.’
Consequences? Children. Her heart panged. Long ago she’d given up hope of ever holding her own child. If she had not become pregnant before, why would she this time? It would be cruel to hope for one. And, oh, so wrong. But she knew in that moment, she did.
