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He pushed the troubling thoughts aside and concentrated on her smooth skin beneath his fingers. He continued to kiss her, thrusting his tongue deeply and tasting every inch of her he could reach. When she turned her head away, needing oxygen, he rested his forehead against the side of her face and took deep, calming breaths.
Slowly, she turned back and raised her eyes to his. Even though it was pitch black outside, his vision had adjusted, and he could make out the distress he read in her expression. Panic shot through him when he realized she’d never agreed to his demand. He knew he hadn’t really given her the time, let alone a choice, but he was suddenly cognizant of the fact that he wanted to hear her agreement to their relationship. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “Nothing.”
The frown line between his brows intensified. “You look worried. You want this, right? You want to be my girlfriend?”
She began nodding her head in short, quick little movements and that appeased him somewhat, but the distress was still there, in her eyes. “Then what’s wrong? Are you worried about … about sex?”
When her eyes widened and she didn’t answer, he tried to calm her down. “We’re not going to have sex, baby, okay? Don’t worry. The subject is off-limits until you turn seventeen, and even then, you call the shots, okay? This isn’t about sex. It’s about you and me. It’s about nobody else thinking they can touch you, okay? That’s all I really care about at this point, making sure that nobody touches you.”
Her eyes only became more troubled, and Josh knew he was fucking this up beyond all repair, but he kept going, kept trying to get her to understand. “It’s just … I can’t take another year. I can’t risk another year.” He tried to get his thoughts in order and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. It was so damn difficult to get his meaning across. “Look, have you ever wanted something so damn bad that you thought you’d go insane if you couldn’t have it? I don’t know … maybe a certain pair of boots that are the only pair like them or maybe … a perfect score in math? It takes up every thought in your head; it becomes the only thing you can focus on, and then you realize that someone else might buy the damn boots before you can … or maybe you’re not quite smart enough to score a one hundred?” He studied her face as she watched him intently. “That’s the way I feel about you, Hannah. You’re the something that I have to have. You’re the something that I’m terrified someone else will reach out and take before I get the opportunity.” He began shaking his head as if it just couldn’t happen. “I can’t take the risk. I thought I could wait until you turned seventeen, but I can’t. You have to be mine now, okay?”
She nodded her head and opened her mouth to speak. And then closed it again.
His eyes narrowed. “What? Tell me.”
She took a deep breath and began slowly. “I want to be your girlfriend. But I’m worried about all of this. You say we won’t … ” Her words stalled in indecision and then she ended with, “You say that we won’t. But I know about you, Josh. Whether you think that you are or not, whether you care or not, you’re the most popular guy in school. There’s been a lot of gossip about you, you know?” She paused and when he didn’t say anything, she continued, “I know that you’re … “
Her voice trailed off and Josh became frustrated. “I’m what?”
She dropped her eyes from his. “I know that you’re used to having sex. So is this just one of those things where you say that we’re together but then … “
When her voice dropped off again and Josh began to get her meaning, he couldn’t decide if he was pissed or if he wanted to laugh his ass off. Christ, if only she knew how he felt about her. Maybe it was best if she didn’t know exactly how bad he had it. A humorless laugh left his throat as he gripped her chin and tipped her face up to his. “Are you asking me if I’m going to keep having sex with other girls?”
She flinched at his question and only just managed to nod her head because his grip had tightened on her skin. He answered her in short, firm words. “I don’t want to have sex with anybody else.”
Her face flamed and her breath came quicker, but she didn’t respond. “You think I’ve still been out … banging everybody this whole time?” he asked.
Her eyes closed and it was obvious to him that that was exactly what she’d thought. “Open your eyes.”
Slowly, her eyelids lifted and it occurred to him once again that she was the prettiest girl that he’d ever seen. Maybe not to the rest of the world, but she was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. He lowered his face an inch until they were eye to eye so that there was no way she could misunderstand what he was about to say. “I don’t care shit about having sex with anyone but you, Hannah. And I’m willing to wait as long as I have to.” His thumb rubbed over her soft skin as her scent arrowed heat down his spine. “I haven’t touched another girl since the first time I kissed you.”
Her eyes flared and she gasped. He watched, absolutely floored, as tears filled her eyes. “You haven’t?”
“No. Are you kidding me?” Josh tried to temper his voice, he knew Hannah’s emotions were running high, but still, it was almost unbelievable to him that she could even imagine that he’d want another girl.
“Really?” she asked.
“Really.” He ran his finger down the side of her cheek as he studied her. “Why would I even do that? What point would there be? You’re worrying about nothing. Trust me, it’s not going to happen and that’s the least of our worries.”
Her eyes flared. “What do you mean?”
“Your parents will have to know about us, there’s no getting around that.”
“Okay?”
At her question, it was obvious that Hannah didn’t see her parents finding out about them as the big deal that he did. “And they’re not going to like it. There’s crap you don’t know.”
“I think I do know, Josh,” she answered softly.
“What do you think you know?”
She pinched her lips together in indecision. “My brother’s marriage isn’t good. His wife is having an affair—”
“You know who with?” he demanded to know.
“Yeah.”
He shook his head as shame ran down his spine. Shame, for something that wasn’t his fault. “Who told you?”
Hannah’s features softened as she studied him and he could see the worry in her eyes. “My mother.”
Her mother? Why would her mother tell Hannah all of a sudden? It didn’t seem as if it was a coincidence. “Why would she suddenly tell you?”
“Because… she told me after you went to see my dad.”
“Christ.” So, the day he’d spoken to Hannah’s father, Josh now knew the older man had read between the lines, and then reported back to his wife, who then must have spoken to Hannah.
“I don’t think … the two of us … together … is going to come as a shock to my parents.”
“Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to like it.”
“They’re going to have to get used to it, right?”
Suddenly, if his mind hadn’t been made up before, it was now. “Yeah, they will, because I’m not going anywhere.”
Her expression relaxed as a soft smile lit her face. “How soon do you think we should tell them?”
“Soon. Tomorrow.”
Chapter Nine
Hannah woke up early the next day. Her stomach was roiling from the anxiety she was feeling. She’d already decided she would take the easy way out and tell her mother about Josh, and then hopefully, her mom would tell her dad for her and she wouldn’t have to do it.
As usual, Zach was in Dallas so at least Hannah didn’t have to worry about that aspect of that situation. And they never saw Cindy anymore. It was obvious to Hannah that the woman was avoiding coming by the house.
Josh wanted to come over later and pick Hannah up, and she was afraid her dad would want to speak to him first, so her parents had to be warned in advance.
The house wa
s silent and Hannah found her mother in the kitchen. Her father was not in his study, so Hannah figured he was probably out at the barn already. Her mom glanced up from the counter where she was cracking eggs. “You’re up early. Everything all right?”
“Yeah, just stuff on my mind.”
Janet McIntyre picked up a cloth and wiped her hands and came to stand near the island where Hannah had pulled out a barstool and sat. “What’s up? Is anything wrong?”
“Not with me.” Hannah couldn’t help it, she smiled, even though she wasn’t looking forward to the conversation and the fallout from it, she absolutely couldn’t help it, she was happy. She and Josh were an item.
When Hannah smiled, her mom caught on fast. “Something happened with Josh last night?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, tell me.”
“We’re … together.”
A look of mild panic crossed the older woman’s face. “Together. What does that mean?”
“Mom.” Three beats of silence. “What do you think? He asked me to … be his girlfriend.”
Her mother let out a sigh that sounded like relief. “I told you, didn’t I?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, sweetheart. I’m happy for you, I really am.” She put her hand to her brow and rubbed her forehead. “But your father … and Zach. Oh, Lord.”
“I know,” Hannah agreed. “I blame Cindy for this, you know. If she wasn’t such a slut, this would be really exciting for me, instead of … crappy.”
