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He was an asshole; he’d damn sure proven it that morning.
And then he’d almost blown it again. Just now, when she’d announced that she’d be the one to take care of his son, he hadn’t known how that made him feel, but it did make him feel something. It fucked him up, for sure, and he’d almost shot off his mouth again. But anything he would have said would have only put him more firmly in the doghouse. She was already pissed at him, so how could it help his case if he told her in no uncertain terms that Zach wasn’t hers to take care of?
And he’d almost done it, but had somehow managed to stop himself because he didn’t know how to say it without hurting her feelings—and without fucking things up between them even more so.
And then there had been that niggling little thought that maybe she did have a right. Maybe she thought taking care of his son was her due, and maybe it really was, at least partially. But he couldn’t help the fucked up emotional shit that was clawing up his throat. It had been just him and his boy for so long that the situation he found himself in had him completely off-balanced.
As his mind raced, the baby started whimpering. He turned around and walked toward the playpen where Hannah was getting spectacularly anxious. Bright blue eyes caught his and it was damn well obvious that his presence upset the child.
She was about to blow.
And goddammit, Janet had left him in charge.
He was smart enough and experienced enough to know why he upset the baby. It was because she wasn’t used to him. And the longer he let the situation continue, the worse it would get.
Being indecisive had never been his thing. With quick, sure motions, he leaned down and swept the kid up in his arms, holding her against his chest.
She looked at him and he looked at her—and he didn’t know who was the more startled. The baby looked distressed, and Jeff felt out of sorts. Had he even held a baby since Zach had been little? He couldn’t remember holding another child but for some reason, the baby’s weight felt just about perfect to him.
He was hit with a million memories as the smell of baby powder invaded his nostrils. He remembered how it had felt when Zach had been little—how Bonnie had continually made him hold Zach and play with him, forging a relationship between the two when Jeff had been dumbfounded by the mere existence of a baby.
Geez—babies were scary little creatures, with minds of their own and needs that Jeff hadn’t had the experience to supply. He’d worried that he wouldn’t be able to take care of a baby, but he’d learned. Bonnie had made him learn, had repeatedly told him that the only way that Zach would get used to him and not cry when Jeff picked him up, was to just keep at it.
And it had worked. He’d swallowed his fear of his tiny, helpless son and within a few days, he’d been actively helping with the boy, and Zach had soon lost his fear of him.
And now he was in the same situation with a baby who didn’t trust him because she wasn’t used to him.
As she started to cry in earnest, Jeff held her more closely to his chest, rubbing her back in a soothing circular pattern. “Shhhhh,” he whispered, jostling her a bit, rocking her to and fro in a rhythm he hoped would be calming.
She continued to cry, but he’d expected that. Lifting her higher on his shoulder and making sure his grasp was tight enough that she’d feel safe, he muttered unintelligible, baby things as he strode toward Zach’s room, both to check on his son, and hopefully to calm down the baby by allowing her to see her mother.
Knowing he shouldn’t take the baby too close to his fevered son, he stood just before the entrance and what he saw inside his son’s room almost slaughtered him. The bedroom was mostly cloaked in darkness, the lights off and the blinds closed, but daylight still managed to penetrate the room. Janet sat on the bed, her legs dangling off, her torso facing his son, who was propped up on pillows.
She was smoothing the hair back from Zach’s forehead, with a slow, repetitive motion, much like the one Jeff was using on Hannah’s back. But it was the look on his son’s face that made Jeff’s stomach clench in violent reaction. The boy’s eyes were closed, but his expression was completely tranquil. Very quiet, very calm.
As he came to stand in the doorway, Janet must have heard his approach as her eyes met his. It suddenly hit Jeff exactly how deep their relationship and living arrangements were getting. Maybe it had only been a couple of weeks, but it was obvious to him in that moment: The situation was getting tight for all of them. His son was getting drawn into the dynamics of the relationship; Zach was already fond of the baby. And Hannah was comfortable with his son as well.
And now this.
The longer that he and Janet kept up a sexual relationship and the deeper that relationship went, the deeper the complexities of the entire arrangement would become.
Already, it was apparent that Janet was beginning to have maternal feelings for his son. And could he really blame her? She fed the boy and helped him with his homework—and there was no other mother around. Janet probably felt, and maybe rightly so, that her position as his lover put her first in line to get to soothe his kid’s aches and pains. Of course, it could just be her proximity to his boy and the fact that she was a good woman that made her so nurturing.
Just as he realized where his brain was going, he saw that the baby in his arms had settled down and fallen asleep, and more than that—his lips had come to the top of her head, pressing lightly against the baby-fine hair, not to soothe Hannah at all, but to soothe himself.
Shit.
It was happening to him, too. The baby’s weight already felt damn near perfect in his arms. And now, he was trying to get the child comfortable in his presence.
Why the hell was that?
Was it because he and Janet were doing more than the horizontal tango? When had they begun playing house as well? Shit, it was almost too perfect, and even his cynical brain understood that. They had a mommy, a daddy, a big brother and a baby girl.
He supposed he should have expected something like this, but he hadn’t exactly been thinking about what the ramifications of a sexual relationship would entail. All he’d been worried about was getting the woman to slow down a bit so he could catch her. But now that he’d caught her, what the hell was he supposed to do about the rest of it?
Janet turned away from him and spoke softly to his son, but Jeff could still hear every word she said. “Are you feeling better, kiddo?” she asked in little more than a whisper.
His boy was slipping into sleep and Jeff easily recognized that. When Zach didn’t answer Janet’s question, she waited a few seconds more and then she gracefully slid off the bed. As she walked past him, she whispered, “Can you lay her down? Let me put the monitor on.”
With that, expecting him to follow her, which he did, she went down the hall to her room and motioned for him to put Hannah down—in a drawer. What the hell? A drawer? But then again, where else was the child supposed to sleep? Knowing he would remedy that soon, he went ahead and slid the baby into her makeshift bed and then he went to the door and waited while Janet fiddled with the monitor.
After that, she didn’t linger, quickly leaving the room and going directly to the kitchen sink where she washed her hands. “We’ll need to wash our hands constantly for a while. I really want to avoid Hannah catching this if we can.”
With that, she removed a dishtowel and began drying her hands. As she tossed it down and began to leave the room, he reached out and laid his hand on her arm. She glanced down and gave his fingers a pointed look and then her eyes impaled his. Obviously she was still pissed at him, and fuck, he deserved her anger.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she hissed as she pulled her arm from his and went in the direction of the laundry room.
He followed her to the back of the house and stood beside her while she began pulling clothes from the washer and tossing them into the dryer. He watched the procedure for a moment, knowing damn good and well he owed her an apology. “Listen, about earlier—”
She cut him off. “You were a huge asshole, but that doesn’t surprise me,” she hissed through her teeth as she bent down to lift more clothes. He put a restraining hand on her arm and the look she turned on him damn near cut him all the way through.
“Janet—” he stalled as a warning cloud settled on her features. “I’m—”
“You’re what?” she snapped, tossing the rest of the clothes into the dryer, and then slamming it shut, giving him scant attention.
He took a deep breath and said what he had to—not only because he owed it to her, but because he needed to say it, as well. “I’m sorry.”
“Fine, I forgive you,” she said in a tone that held zero absolution as she twisted to face him, leaning against the washing machine. Her words had been short and he knew damn good and well they hadn’t been truthful. And who the hell could blame her? She studied him steadily as he stared back, but she’d thrown up a wall that all but screamed, ‘don’t you fucking touch me.’ An invisible wall, but he could tell, at the moment at least, it was impenetrable.
As he watched her, she seemed to lose some of her tension as her body sagged a bit. “Look, we need to talk,” she announced in a determined voice that made him anxious.
“Shit, baby, I know that. I was a jealous asshole and you didn’t deserve—”
She cut him off again. “Well, that’s certainly accurate, but it’s not what I want to talk about.”
As she crossed her arms over her chest and her expression became troubled, he started to get a bad, bad feeling. “What then?”
“Let’s go somewhere more comfortable, okay?” she asked as she began to take a step.
He could suddenly see the weariness that engulfed her and he didn’t care for it. “Okay, yeah, we can talk in my study.”
She turned on her heel and lacerated him with a look filled with disdain. Her eyes turned into gleaming slits of warning as she lashed out, “I’ll go in there with you but I’m warning you now and you better listen. We’re going to have a discussion, so if you corner me and start stripping off my clothes, I’m warning you—”
