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****
As Jeff left the room, Janet’s nerves were cut to the bone. Her thought process was so far removed from what she should be concentrating on that she promptly burnt her palm as she lifted the lid to baste the chicken. Shit.
Luckily, it was only a superficial burn that was mostly irritating. She shut the oven door and giving up for the moment, she sank down in a kitchen chair and put her head in her hands.
Why the hell were her feelings hurt? Jeff had made her feel guilty for correcting his son—that was the reason. That had hurt her feelings and upset her emotions. And she didn’t really think it was the way she’d gone about it that had roused his disapproval. She didn’t know if it was truly the ‘manipulation’ that had ruffled Jeff’s feathers, or the simple fact that she’d put her two cents in and let his son know how she felt about the situation.
Didn’t she have a right to do so? She felt as if she did. Of course she did. She was Zach’s stepmother, the only mother he had in his life. So why did Jeff’s words cut her to the bone? Did he think she was getting too close to his son, stepping over some invisible boundary that she hadn’t realized was there?
And was there a boundary? She hoped not. Her feelings for Zach had definitely evolved into more. And truthfully, it was the possible underlying meaning of Jeff’s words that had upset her. If he didn’t want her to get too close to his son, did that mean there was a boundary between them as well that she shouldn’t step over? Did he want their relationship to not exceed a certain point? Did he not want her to go all-in?
So, yeah, her feelings were hurt. And she was confused—because she was probably past the point of no return with Jeff and she didn’t know how to go back or if she even wanted to try to go back.
It was true. Not only did she love his son, but she loved the man as well. Holy shit. She did love him—it was even more than that. She was in love with Jeff McIntyre. When exactly did that happen? Was there a moment in time that she should analyze, or should she just accept it as her new truth? She was in love with a caveman—a domineering, hard-nosed rancher who liked his life just so—and it felt as if she’d stepped into the lion’s den without a second glance.
So now that she knew what was in her heart, should she let him know? Or would her love only give him power over her? Just as she had the thought, another came in its stead: She didn’t think he’d take undue advantage. She thought, at least at this moment in time, that she’d be safe in his care—that Hannah would be safe in his care as well—at least, she hoped so.
She swallowed hard when she thought back to his reaction about how she’d interacted with Zach.
Maybe Jeff’s reaction had been an anomaly. Maybe it wouldn’t happen again. Maybe this situation was just new to him—having a woman who wasn’t Zach’s mother correct the boy.
But what if it wasn’t? What if Jeff didn’t want the same level of commitment that she was feeling for her new family? She knew how she’d feel and it wouldn’t be good, because she’d be devastated.
She swallowed hard and took a shuddering breath. She wasn’t one to give up when she wanted something so desperately.
And she had a husband’s love and a new family unit to fight for.
****
The days and weeks continued to roll by and with each one that passed, Jeff congratulated himself on having the good sense to marry Janet. There was no question that a kind of peace he’d never known before was settling in his heart—making him happy. But was he happier than she was? She seemed to be content but were her feelings as strong as his? He wasn’t sure and that made him feel vulnerable, which he didn’t care for but couldn’t change.
His feelings for Janet were evolving—it wasn’t just sex anymore—he knew that for damn certain. The attraction he felt for her was just as explosive as it had been the first time he’d seen her, but now it was more. When had he fallen under her spell so completely? He couldn’t pinpoint the day, let alone the moment. Had it been when she’d slowly begun initiating sex? Granted, he was so damn addicted to her that she rarely had a chance to initiate anything. But still, she had, several times, and he admitted those times made his head spin. And she touched him in other ways as well, running her hands over his shoulders, trailing her fingertips across his cheek when he was sitting at the supper table—almost as if she couldn’t stop herself from touching him. And Christ—her response in bed was mind-blowing.
But sometimes she seemed to be hiding something, so how could he be sure she felt the same as he did? It made him uneasy, because there was no question in his mind—he loved her.
Holy hell—he did love her, but it was even more than that.
Through a vague wave of shock, the realization hit him full force—he was in love with her. He recognized the feeling and it wasn’t something he wanted to fight. Hell no, it was something he wanted to embrace but he was worried about her reaction, had been worried for some time that he was way more into her than she was into him.
He wanted to say the words, but how could he get them from his throat? He admitted it—he was being a pussy. While he was encouraged by her attempt to bond them as a family, and at her obvious love for his son, he was still nervous, afraid to tell her his feelings. He wanted to so damn bad. He wanted to tell her that he loved her—but he wanted her to respond in kind—and he was so fucking afraid that she wouldn’t. And truthfully, it wasn’t the words so much he needed from her—it was the emotion itself. He desperately wanted her love. For life. Forever.
He still wanted to adopt Hannah, but he’d figured out that he needed to move a bit slower with Janet on that particular topic. And hell, his reason wasn’t because of his feelings for Janet anymore. He wanted to adopt Hannah because he loved the child—he wanted every single right to call her his daughter and for the world to know that he was her father. Soon, he needed his wife to understand and see reason on that score.
He just prayed like hell that he was smart enough and worthy enough to be the kind of man that Janet could fall in love with. The kind of man she wanted for her husband and as a father for her daughter.
He needed that like he needed air to breathe.
****
At the knock on his study door, Jeff tossed his pen down and said, “Enter.”
Janet stuck her head in and then walked inside and shut the door. As always, he could scent her as she walked closer and his temperature began to rise. As had become her habit, she wasn’t shy about touching him lately. She walked right over to where he sat in his chair and placed her hands on his chest. Slowly, she leaned down and kissed him. Softly. Just enough to make him want more. But she didn’t give him more; she pulled back and studied his eyes. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”
“Sure.” He attempted to pull her onto his lap, but she swiveled away from him and went to the window where she looked outside, her back toward him.
She was quiet for a moment and he began getting a bad feeling—and just when things had been going so damn well between them.
When she finally turned around, she took her time about it, sitting down in one of the chairs that faced his desk.
He steepled his fingers together, putting his elbows on his desk and waited, trying like hell not to panic.
She worried her bottom lip for a bit before rushing into speech. “I’d like to talk to you about Zach.”
Jeff immediately felt defensive. He tried to bite it down, but it was there, making his posture go rigid. “What’s wrong with him?”
“Nothing!” she exclaimed, relieving him somewhat but also making him realize that if this wasn’t about his son—then it was about him. And her next words confirmed it.
“You know, Jeff—I think you’re a great father.”
Shit. Here it comes. His arms came up and crossed over his chest. “But?”
She licked her lips and hesitated only a moment as her facial features softened. “But,” she paused. “I think you could be even better,” she said so softly he barely heard the words.
&n
bsp; He felt a flash of discomfiture—but it didn’t go as deep as the sexual awareness that he always felt in her presence. He forcibly ignored her appeal and focused on his chagrin. He felt defensive, but deep down, he knew he could do better, but he’d never known how to do better. “What do you mean? How so?”
“Well, like I said, I think you’re a great father,” she said, tipping her head to the side and giving him a look that said she was telling the truth. And it made him feel remarkably better.
“But?”
“But, I think you could be more demonstrative toward Zach. I rarely see you touch him and y’all don’t spend much time together.”
Shit. Jeff didn’t know how that made him feel—other than like pure shit. He felt a stroke of anger at Janet, brought on by pure defensiveness. He’d been a widower, goddamnit. He’d done his best. What the hell did she expect from him?
But just as quickly the anger bled away and although the defensiveness was still there, he now felt a dagger pierce his chest, like he was such a fuck-up that someone had noticed. And not just anyone, but Janet—the one person in the world that he wanted to impress.
And he felt pain for his son. Was he inflicting damage on his kid by not being more hands-on? He’d never experienced touchy-feely in his life, so he’d had nothing much to go on. In the early years, he’d been so busy that he’d left the parenting to his wife, and when she’d died, he’d simply done the best that he could, one day at a time.
But now someone was telling him that his best wasn’t good enough and that was damn hard to take—even though he knew that everything Janet was saying was true.
“Jeff—” she began softly but he interrupted her.
“Yeah?” he forced out, irritated and appalled.
