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Her mother shooed her away to sit in the waiting room while she spoke to the receptionist and began filling out forms.
Even though the waiting room was almost empty, Ava sat down next to a young woman about her age, wanting to pry information from her but not knowing how to start. The fact that she couldn't trust her own mother was making her sick to her stomach, not to mention the fact that she was suddenly scared shitless.
Ava took a deep breath and gave the girl an awkward smile as she picked up a magazine. "I didn't even know this place was here," she said as quietly and nonchalantly as possible as she opened the magazine. "The building's so plain, I imagine you could drive right by and not even notice it."
The girl gave her a quizzical look. "I don't think they advertise much."
Ava's stomach dropped but she managed another tight smile. "I guess not. Anyway, it's my first time here. Is the doctor nice?"
The girl looked down at her hands, which were folded in her lap. "I have no idea."
Ava felt bad for continuing in this way, but she had to know. "Oh. So this is your first time here too, then?" she asked as gently as possible.
Ava's question was met with silence. When the girl looked up, Ava was greeted by big brown eyes that were brimming with unshed tears. "Yes. It'll be my only time. I don't plan on ever having to come back."
At that moment, a door opened off to the side and a nurse appeared. "Emily?"
The young woman glanced up. She nodded to acknowledge the waiting woman, then turned toward Ava again. She let out a tiny sob, then gave her a watery smile. "I guess I just thought he'd come with me. I hate being here alone. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. But I don't know what else I can do, you know? But it's early enough that they say I shouldn't have any trouble later on when I want to start a family. That's good, I guess."
Ava began feeling light-headed as all of her suspicions were confirmed.
"Ava, come over here and sit with me." Her mother's words were sharp as she tossed the clipboard on the counter and moved to a seat across the room. Ava's hands went protectively over her tummy as bile rose up in her throat as she realized exactly what her mother was capable of.
The girl stood up and must have noticed Ava's shocked look and protective gesture. She glanced over at Ava's mother as she softly cleared her throat. "You know, if your mom is supportive enough to come with you, maybe you don't have to do this. Maybe you can keep yours. You should if you can. I just wish—"
She didn't finish the sentence, and instead turned abruptly and went with the nurse, leaving Ava slack-jawed in her chair. She struggled to breathe as the walls closed in around her. So, of course this wasn't a checkup at all, just as she'd known. Her mother had brought her here to terminate the pregnancy, without any discussion or any thought for what Ava wanted. Like it was an errand to be crossed off her list before doing the grocery shopping or getting the car serviced.
She had to get out of here. She stood, not caring that the magazine slid from her lap onto the floor. This betrayal went beyond anything she had thought her mother capable of. She crossed the room and stood in front of her, quivering with more emotions than she could possibly name. "How could you do this? What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking a lot more than you were when you got yourself into this mess!" Her mother's face was pinched and her lips were pressed into an ugly, thin line. "You're behaving as if you have options here. Well, you don't." She sat with her back ramrod straight as she glared at her. "So here we are, Ava. It's for the best. In time, you'll see I was right."
"That's what this is about?" Ava hissed. "You, being right?" She shook her head and took a step back. "I don't know what's happened to you, but I don't know who you are anymore." Ava swallowed hard and took a look around the sterile, depressing room. She turned back to her mother and kept her voice as firm as she could manage. "I don't pretend to have this figured out, but I'm certain of one thing: Ethan and I are keeping this baby. I want this baby. I love this baby. And even if I didn't know for sure what I wanted, I would never betray Ethan this way. Never."
Ava turned to see the receptionist looking tentatively from behind the counter, her eyes huge in her perfectly made-up face. "Is everything okay?" she asked cautiously.
"Yes, everything's fine. You can tear those forms up, though," Ava said quietly. As she turned back to face her mother, her hand came to rest in its usual protective position on her abdomen. "We're done here."
Chapter Seven
Thanksgiving Day was awful. And not just because of the usual pregnancy stuff. No, as far as Ava's mother was concerned, Ava and Ethan had broken up. In Margie Anderson's world, that's the way it was, even after Ava had made her intentions crystal clear the day at the clinic. If Ava didn't pretend that she'd cut off all contact with Ethan, her mother would make her life way more miserable than it already was. The only thing to do was to live a lie, and Ava hated every minute of it.
The trip to that clinic would go down in history as one of the worst experiences of Ava's life and as the darkest moment in her already-strained relationship with her mother. Apparently, her father hadn't been in on the plan. When they'd gotten home that afternoon and Ava had run past him to her room and refused to come out, he had asked his wife why. Ava couldn't help but hear the argument that followed.
"…just knocked on our daughter's door and she won't let me in. That's never happened before. What did you do?"
"I took her to see a doctor. She walked out. End of story."
"Try again."
"Excuse me?! I don't think I care for your tone, Evan."
"And I don't care for being locked out of our daughter's room! You can tell me now or I'll camp outside that door until I get the story straight from Ava."
"Oh, calm down. You won't be so angry when I explain. I just took her to the clinic we had discussed. If she hadn't chatted up another girl in the waiting room, we would have sat down to dinner tonight with this whole thing taken care of, like that." Ava could picture her mother snapping her fingers.
"Are you insane? Are you kidding me? Tell me you didn't do that. What the hell? I feel like I don't know you anymore. How could you spring that on her like that? How could you do that? Hell, we hadn't agreed to that, we'd barely discussed it and I've never liked the idea." Her father sounded agitated. He rarely cursed.
"What's there to discuss, Evan? It's the only way Ava will be able to get on with her life and hold her head up in this community."
"Oh, so you're concerned about Ava's reputation." His usually serene voice dripped with sarcasm. "At least be honest and admit that you're more concerned about your own reputation. This is our daughter we're talking about. Hell, it's our grandchild! You know I would rather her pursue an adoption than to end the pregnancy altogether." He went on to discuss the possible merits of open adoption. Photographs. Letters. Visits. Eventually, his voice softened to a more persuasive tone. "It would be the hardest thing she'd ever do, but we'd get her through it."
"You make it all sound so easy," she hissed. "Well, it's not—"
"Not now, it's not! Not after the stunt you pulled today!" There was a pause, then he continued, his voice thick with emotion. "That's our little girl in there…behind a locked door! She's scared to death but she won't let her own father in. I blame you for that. You've turned into a different person. What the hell has happened to you?!"
The argument had escalated from there and culminated in her father storming out of the house, although he returned about an hour later. Ava had unlocked her door by then, but when he knocked and poked his head in to check on her and say goodnight, she'd pretended to be asleep. She'd still been reeling from the events of the day and not ready to talk about any of it: her mother's betrayal, and the toll her pregnancy was taking on her parents' marriage, for starters. She took some comfort in knowing her father hadn't been in on her
mother's plan. But the one person she needed more than anyone else was out of reach. She missed Ethan, and the road ahead seemed more overwhelming than ever.
And on top of everything else, was she really supposed to be gaining this much weight? She no longer recognized her own body. Her doctor didn't seem worried. He hadn't mentioned it at her appointment, just jotted down notes in her file. Of course, she knew some women gained more quickly than others, but really? She felt sick all the time, and she was throwing up two or three times a day. She was hardly keeping anything down, so where the hell was the weight coming from?
This pregnancy stuff seriously sucked shit, and big time. She'd read online that some women loved being pregnant. Well, good for them. Unfortunately, she wasn't one of them—and even if she and Ethan had been married and this had been a planned pregnancy, she knew for a fact that pregnancy would still have been trying.
Ethan was home for the holidays, at least for a bit. He was only able to get away from the team for a few hours before having to go back and prepare for the game to be played on Saturday night. She didn't know how in the hell she was going to get to see him while he was in town, but she had to. She had to figure something out. It had been weeks and she was climbing the walls from what Hannah had termed 'Ethan withdrawal'. Ava had always laughed at how uptight and edgy some of the kids at school became if they couldn't find their cell phone or had to do without it for any length of time. She'd never tease them about it again. She understood exactly how they felt.
As she sat picking at her turkey and cornbread stuffing, Ty caught her eye. After giving her a thorough once over, as if to make sure she was okay, he smiled and then winked. There was something about that wink that made her love him even more.
