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"Leaving?" No.
"Yeah," he said, his fingers running through his hair in agitation.
"Where are you going?" she asked, sitting up a little straighter, alarmed.
"North Dakota," he answered crisply.
"What?" she shrieked, stricken to the bone. She'd expected him to say Dallas or Houston or somewhere only a few hours away by car.
"Yeah. You can come with me if you want," he offered at once, concern radiating from his eyes. "I'll take care of you and the kid, I promise. At least until Ethan can take over. You don't have to stay here—you don't have to put up with this shit anymore."
A mess of emotion exploded in her brain. Her brother loved her—he'd take care of her. She'd be able to get away from her mother. She was grateful and she loved her brother for the offer. But North Dakota? How could she handle that kind of distance from Ethan?
"Why, Ty? Why are you leaving now?" she asked, unable to control the crack in her voice.
At her question, he plopped down on the bed beside her, not facing her, but next to her, staring toward the foot of the bed, the sides of their bodies touching. She felt his comforting warmth next to her as she laid her head on his shoulder, trying to hold back tears, waiting with anxiety for him to explain.
He sighed as he stretched out his legs and crossed his ankles. "I feel like a dick for leaving you. I want you to come with me but I know you won't move that far from Ethan."
"No, I can't. Why do you have to leave?" she asked again, a sob rising up her throat.
He reached out and clenched her hand, his thumb rubbing over her skin for a moment before he finally spoke again, with far more emotion than he'd ever shared with her. "There's nothing for me here, Ava. I've been at loose ends since I graduated. Everyone who ever meant anything to me has left town. Except you, of course, and Josh—and—well, I fucked that up, so I understand why he's still pissed, but son of a bitch, it hurts."
"But he forgave you," she said, unable to keep the pleading tone from her voice.
He squeezed her hand again. "There's a difference between forgiving and forgetting. He's a good guy but he's not letting it go. He puts on a decent, civil front when we're thrown together, but he never comes by anymore of his own accord. He doesn't call or text. But I get it," he continued harshly. "I fucked that up. It was my stupidity, and how do you think that makes me feel? Fucking up a lifelong friendship like that? It's hard on him, me being around. I feel like it would be easier on him if I just disappeared. Every time Hannah comes to see you, it's in her eyes, you know? He wants her to stay away from me. He doesn't trust me anymore and he probably never will."
Ava barely controlled her next sob. "I'm sorry."
He clenched her hand in his, so hard it hurt. "Yeah, thanks. But remember, it's my own fault. Josh is innocent in all this. Don't get mad at him on my account."
She licked her lips and mumbled, "I'll try."
"So yeah, I guess I just want to disappear so his life will be easier. He's had it rough, you know? Dude is the best guy I know. I love him and this shit hurts. It sucks and knowing that I was the one who fucked it all to hell and back?" He shook his head, anguish in the controlled movements of his body.
"But to leave? To go so far away?" She began crying in earnest. "I don't know if I can stand it."
"Ava—I'm sorry. But without Josh and Ethan—what do I have here? I get minimum wage at the lumberyard and there are no other jobs. The parents don't have money for college for either of us, and shit, I didn't make the grades, anyway. Even though I could have." He took a breath and then another. "Fuckup," he mumbled under his breath. "I'm a complete fuckup."
"No, you're not. You're a good brother and I don't think I can—"
He cut her off by squeezing her hand again. "Yeah, you can," he said, his tone turning stern. "Listen up. This is what you're gonna do. You're gonna take a deep breath and then another, and then you're gonna tell mom to fuck off. You're gonna tell her that you're keeping the baby and that she can get fucked. Understand me, Ava?"
Words got clogged in her throat. "That's—that's easier said than done."
"Yeah, well, I have faith in you. And anytime—I mean day or night, now or later—if you want or need me, I'll send you the money to come up. Anytime. I mean that, Ava."
The tears came harder. He meant his words. She knew he did. She cleared her throat as she wiped her cheeks with the back of a hand. "Do they know yet? Do Mom and Dad know you're leaving?"
He shook his head. "Not gonna tell 'em. I'm not going through a scene like that. There's not shit they can do about it. I'm nineteen and the truck's in my name. I'll send a text when I've crossed the state line."
"Why do you have to go so far away? Why can't you move closer to Ethan? How about Houston? They have jobs there and you could—"
He let out a rough, pissed laugh. "Houston's the last place I'd go. The last fucking place on the planet I'd choose," he said, confusing her. But she lost that train of thought as he continued in fierce determination, "I'm going to North Dakota. You ever heard of the Bakken?"
She shook her head.
"There's oil there—tons of oilfields. Money is being made, hand over fist. They say all you need to be is able-bodied and you can earn six figures. Six fucking figures, Ava. Can you even imagine? I'm doing that, I'm going. I'm strong. I can work hard. I'm sick of having no money, and I'm sick of having to live here."
Ava had no clue what to say. She was heartsick at the thought of him leaving. "I don't want you to go."
"I hate to leave you—it's fucking with my head that I'm leaving you. I'm a douche for taking off, I know. But you can come with me, I mean that." He turned on the bed to face her, grasping her by the shoulders, his fingers squeezing. "Just pack your shit. Do it right now. We'll have the fucking adventure of a lifetime, you and me. I don't know how exactly, but I'll take care of you—hell, I don't know how I'm going to take care of me. But I'm going to make it happen and you can come—I'll figure it out. You don't have to stay here and take this shit. I'm not taking any more of mom's crap and seriously, you should come with me."
Ava bit her lip until it hurt. This was her damn fault. It was her fault her brother was leaving. "She's been so hard on you and it's all my fault."
He let out a snort. "It's not your fault." He paused and wiped a tear from her cheek. "I blame Ethan," he said with teasing mockery, his expression softening.
When her face began to crumple again, he said, "Don't cry. Please, don't. This isn't anybody's fault. Life happens, you know? Someday, you'll think this baby is the best thing that ever happened to you. I'll be the favorite uncle and it'll be great," he said with a grin before his face became solemn. "It'll be worth it, Ava. Trust me, it will."
She nodded her head and took a stabilizing breath. With that, he readjusted their positions so they were sitting side by side again with her head on his shoulder. They sat together, savoring a few seconds of quiet peace between them.
"I wish you didn't have to go," she mumbled.
After a few seconds, he answered quietly, "I have to leave. I don't want to lay a guilt trip on you, because it's not your fault, but you don't know the half of it. Mom's gone bat shit crazy. She goes on a tear and reams my ass all the time. You're usually hiding out at Hannah's and don't hear her shit—and I don't blame you. But if she's not on your ass, then she's on mine."
Ava felt a fresh blade of guilt and confusion at the same time. "What's wrong with her? Do you think she's really lost it? And why? I know this is bad," she said, her hand going to her stomach. "But it's not the end of the world like she's making it out to be."
"No, it's not the end of the world. You'd think she'd start getting excited about the baby, about being a grandma, especially since you're showing now."
"But she's not," Ava answered on a deflated sigh.
"Nope. And I don't get it. I don't know, maybe she has lost it. But the situation's bad, Ava. I don't think you know all of it."
"What do you mean
?" she asked, her hand staying on her tummy in automatic defense.
"I can hear them argue through my bedroom wall, more every day. It's not good. Seriously, I don't think their marriage is going to survive."
At those words, spoken out loud, Ava was forced to think about what she'd mostly been avoiding: how her pregnancy was affecting her parents' marriage. She couldn't help but feel that everything was on her. It made her so sad. Just a few months ago, her family had been normal, loving, intact.
But now, she was miserable. Her brother was leaving. And she'd put such a wedge between her parents that they were having serious marital problems.
She felt horrible. Her poor father. She thought about his life for a moment. His teenaged daughter was pregnant and unmarried. His wife had become unrecognizable. Now his son was about to take off for North Dakota and he didn't even know that part yet.
She let out a sigh and hugged her brother close.
At least he was escaping from this hellhole. For that she was thankful.
****
It was a boy. The baby was a boy.
Ava walked from the clinic in a daze, clutching her father's arm for support. At least one of her parents cared enough to be with her during the ultrasound, even if he had stayed in the waiting room. And she knew her dad was still in a state of shock since Ty had left. If her own world had imploded, then her father's had done the same.
As Ava snapped the seatbelt into place and watched her father do likewise, she turned to him and whispered, joy overflowing, "He's okay. The baby's fine. They said he's perfect."
Her dad glanced at her and their eyes held. His fingers on the key paused before he'd even turned the ignition. "It's a boy?"
She nodded her head, tears welling but not winning.
