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“Whom.”
“What-the-fuck-ever.”
Raul smirked and took a drink of beer. “Seriously, though. You said you feel like you’re going to come unglued whenever she talks about going back to Dallas. You’ve already practically moved her into your house.”
“Yeah.”
“Does it irritate the living hell out of you to think about having to sleep without her?” Raul asked.
“Yeah.”
“Do you get pissed when you think about her with someone else?”
“Fuck yeah.”
“So pissed you feel like your blood’s gonna boil over if you don’t get to hit the other guy?”
“Yeah.”
“And do you have an all-consuming need to keep her safe? Make sure nothing can ever hurt her?”
“Yes.”
“And do you feel like she’s yours, and you’d doing anything in the fucking world to keep it that way?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, that something that you need to do? To keep her yours? You have to shackle her.” Raul watched John with a steely-eyed accuracy. “You have to marry her.”
John watched his friend take another drink of beer and look over at the three women where his attention centered on Elaina.
Raul made it sound so simple. But John wasn’t so sure. “You think she’d marry me?”
Raul’s introspection had suddenly ended and he reverted back to his normal personality that John recognized so well. “Don’t know. With your butt-ugly face? Doubtful.”
“Asshole.”
“In the flesh,” Raul agreed without taking his eyes from his wife.
****
Another week slid by and Sarah began counting the time she had left in not only weeks but in days. July was sliding to a close and August was fast approaching. The closer it came, the sicker she felt inside.
There was little doubt left in her mind that she was in love with John. And in love in a way she’d never been before. Besides that one time when they were making love and he’d told her he didn’t want her to leave, nothing else had been said about her staying.
She kept replaying over and over in her mind how Jaime had said that she had heard that John never wanted to get married again.
And Sarah couldn’t give up her job in Dallas for anything less than love and commitment.
She needed financial security and her job in Dallas gave her that. Oh, she had the job that John provided, but it wasn’t the same. It didn’t offer insurance or any other benefits, other than those she received from sleeping in his bed. And she couldn’t count on that to go on forever. If they had a fight, or broke up, then she would probably have to quit. She couldn’t see herself going on working for him if that happened.
Her stomach was in a constant knot because the closer it came to the end of summer, the more she worried. She had come close to telling him she loved him several times. But something always stopped her. It was probably that old idea that said a woman shouldn’t chase a man. Maybe it was stupid, or wrong, but she couldn’t help it and she always kept her mouth closed. She didn’t want to love him if he didn’t love her, but wasn’t that the way it always was? Somebody had to be the first one to put it on the line.
She knew he cared for her. She’d even go so far as to say, cared for her deeply. He always had a certain look in his eyes, he touched her in a certain way, he seemed to breathe easier when she was in his arms at night.
But was it love?
The lust was definitely turning into something more.
At least on her part.
And she didn’t want to go back to Dallas.
So much so that even thinking about it was causing a hole in her heart.
Her mind in turmoil, she looked down at her cell phone that was ringing on the side table. She picked it up and frowned. Why would Randall be calling her now?
****
John finished unloading the heifers he’d brought back from the auction in Del Rio. The drive had been extremely long and he was as tired as shit. And grimy and sweaty, too. The ranching that had started out as a hobby after he sold his business was growing in leaps and bounds. He needed to scale back, not increase the size of his operation. The problem with that was he was addicted to work. He craved being busy, and he didn’t know how to do anything in half measures.
His mind turned to his woman. He wanted a shower and Sarah, in that order.
Not in that order, but he’d make himself take a shower before he pulled her under him. He hadn’t expected to spend the night in Del Rio, or he would have tried harder to get her to go with him. But she’d seemed hesitant to go, almost like something was troubling her, and he didn’t want to push her.
So, he’d gone by himself and gotten stuck there for a night before he could get all the papers in order.
He slammed through the backdoor and walked into the kitchen where Beth was pulling a cake from the oven. “Where’s Sarah?”
“And how the heck are you, John?”
“I’m fine.” He took a deep breath and attempted to keep the impatience from his voice. “Good to be home, Beth. Where’s Sarah?”
“She left.”
“How long ago?”
“About three hours ago.”
“I’ll grab a quick shower and go pick her up. What’s for supper?”
John stilled as Beth turned to face him. Her expression was sending a spiral of panic down his spine. “She’s not home, John. She left for Dallas in a hurry after she got that phone call. I thought you knew that.”
John felt the hairs on his neck rise as his mouth twisted in a cynical line. An edge of emptiness hit him in the gut. “No. What phone call? Do you know who called her?”
“Someone named Randall. I heard that much. But that’s all I know. She told me she was leaving for Dallas and that was that.”
John gritted his teeth as pain, sharp and primal, radiated from the area of his chest and spread though his entire body. “I guess that’s that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Guess I’m out and Randall is in.”
“Bull crap. Don’t tell me that. That woman loves you. Anyone can see it as plain as the nose on their face.”
“She doesn’t love me. If she did, she wouldn’t have run off to him just like that. Besides, she’s never told me she loves me.” John didn’t know why in the hell he was telling his housekeeper any of this. Sarah had fucked him up entirely. She’d made him crave human emotions that he’d never needed before. And now he was opening up to his damn housekeeper. Fuck. He was fucked-up, all right.
Beth was looking at him as if he’d lost his mind. She put her hands on her hips and demanded, “And how many times have you told her that you love her?”
“Haven’t,” John answered as succinctly as possible, trying to get his control back.
Beth rolled her eyes heavenward. “I wonder how I knew that?” She glared at him and when he didn’t say anything she continued, “But you do love her, right?”
His eyes narrowed into slits as he stared at his housekeeper. “That’s not really your damn business, Beth.”
In a flash, she reached over and hit him with the wooden spoon in her hand. John stiffened in shock. “Fine. Don’t answer me. But answer your damn, stubborn self. Do you love her, John? Because if you do, you need to call her. Now. Find out why she left. You know, if you got your head out of your ass for a second, it might occur to you that she might need help. Something bad might have happened, you know.”
His housekeeper’s words jerked him to attention. Well, goddamn. Now which would be the fuck worse? Her leaving him for another man? Or something bad happening that might have upset her so much she ran back to Dallas? Something that might have put her in danger?
He didn’t waste anymore time and pulled his cell phone from his pocket. As he slammed from the house, he called out to his housekeeper, “I’m going to fire you some day.”
“Hmmmph. I’m going to quit some day.” He heard the wo
rds as he stepped off the porch. At least some things in his life were a constant.
He walked over to a shade tree and pressed the single digit necessary to dial Sarah. The call went directly to her voice mail and tension gripped him as her cheery voice told him to leave a message. “Call me, goddamnit.” The words were ripped impatiently from his throat.
He began taking quick strides to the barn but then thought better of it. He had no damn idea how long it might take her to call him back, if she even called him back. There was no fucking way he was going to sit on his ass all day and not do something about this shit. He wasn’t going to waste another second hanging around here when the miles were ticking by on her odometer.
He turned around and headed back to the house. He pressed another button while he walked. When the kid who worked for him part-time picked up the line, John made the conversation quick. “I need you right now. You come take care of my cattle for a week or so and I’ll take care of that first semester of college you’ve been saving so hard for.” When he received an affirmative answer, John pocketed the phone and walked through to the kitchen where he faced Beth.
“I’m leaving in ten minutes. Can you pack me some sandwiches and water bottles?”
He watched as a smile encompassed her entire face. “You got it.”
“Thanks.”
Chapter Ten
Sarah stopped at a service station and filled her gas tank. Worry had invaded her brain earlier and wasn’t giving her a respite. On top of the situation at her condo, now she was going to have to deal with John. An angry John. The tone of his voice in the message he’d left her had cut her to the quick. She’d been handling her own problems for so long now, she hadn’t thought too much about waiting around for him.
Besides, it wasn’t like they were really a couple. What they were sharing was really only a summer fling, wasn’t it? As much as she wanted it to be more, the concept of him actually making a real commitment to her didn’t seem probable and she needed to get a grip and realize that the end of summer was practically here and she needed to face facts. Her life was in Dallas and she needed to go home and take care of her responsibilities there.
But she needed to call John back first while she was making this quick pit stop. It rang only once before he picked up and his voice gave her no comfort. “Where the fuck are you?”
“On my way to Dallas.”
“I realize that, Sarah. Exactly, where are you at this moment?”
“I’m in Austin. At a service station on I-35,” she said.
“Why the hell did you leave?”
