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His face contorted to a mask of fury, and he began walking around the bed toward her. Jessica was too mad to be scared, and she stood her ground, giving him a withering stare as he approached her.
His hands landed on her shoulders and his fingers bit into her flesh. "You're not fucking going anywhere with anybody. Get that through that thick skull of yours."
"Are you going with her?"
"Yes."
She dipped her head as if her answer was inevitable. "Well then, so am I."
His lips thinned in mounting rage. "I don't pay you to date other men. I told you how this would be when we started. You don't go anywhere with anybody but me. Nobody gets near you. That's the deal. I pay you. You're mine. My rules. End of fucking story!"
As his fingers bit into her, his words pierced through her heart, and she felt her stomach fall and all her hopes and dreams with it. Her anger slowly melted away and only sadness remained. It was over. It had to be over. She couldn't let him treat her like this, so it had to be over. Tears came to her eyes, but she didn't care. She'd already humiliated herself to the fullest by telling him she loved him. So a few tears in front of him meant nothing in the long run.
She forced herself to calm down and impose an iron control over the havoc that bled through her system. "I don't want your money anymore, Connor. It was a mistake to begin with, one I deeply regret and probably will for the rest of my life. But at least now I know how you really feel about me . . . I'll never be more to you than . . . " She shook her head. ". . . never mind." Her voice fell flat as twin tears spilled over.
He stared down at her, his expression inscrutable, and his lungs filled with a deep, hissing breath. "You can't change the rules just because things aren't going the way you want them to. You can't just blow me off. For one, you belong to me." His hands tightened and his voice sharpened with anger. "You're mine, Jessica, and you need to understand that shit immediately. Secondly, you don't have enough money even with the job." His voice became a snarling menace and Jessica inhaled sharply and forbade herself the luxury of closing her eyes to shut him out as he continued, even more hotly, "And in addition to all that, I signed a goddamn six month lease for you!"
"Let me go," she demanded in a flat, toneless voice.
"What?"
"I want to step away from you. Let. Go. Of. My. Arms." Determination reinforced every syllable she spoke.
He muttered a string of curses, but lifted his hands from her in an exaggerated motion and she stepped back from him immediately. "I'm not going to screw you on the lease. I can't do anything about your signature on it, but you don't have to pay for it anymore. I've got a roommate lined up for the fall semester, and I have enough money to make it until then. I've also been applying for every scholarship that I can get my hands on, and I've had some success. So, you're off the hook."
The look on his face didn't indicate in any way that he was pleased by anything she was saying. His features hardened into a hostile glare and he studied her contemptuously. "You've been a busy little girl, but you're not going to control me, Jessica. Don't even think it."
"I'm not trying to control you. I just don't want to take your money anymore. I don't want anything else to change . . . not between us. I don't want to break up, but it sounds like you--"
He cut in viciously, "We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, or any such shit . . . so don't say juvenile crap like breaking up. Don't be ridiculous."
As his words sank in, she was pierced to the quick. Wow. So now he was trying to hurt her. Not just hurt her by accident or chance or by doing stupid stuff members of the male sex were known to do, but intentionally. He was intentionally trying to hurt her. And he didn't choose just any old day, nope, not Connor. He picked the day she'd told him she loved him. So the hurt was magnified ten-fold. Pain squeezed her heart, but luckily, her pride chose that moment to kick in.
Jessica crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the bureau. "I guess that's it, then. There's nothing left to talk about. I'm not going to let you pay me for sex anymore, and you don't want a normal relationship."
"A normal relationship," he sneered. "That's what you want?"
"Yes." She'd never get what she wanted if she didn't speak up so she lifted her chin.
"How exactly do you see this 'normal relationship', going? What exactly do you want?"
"A committed relationship--"
"I gave you that!"
"Until you decided you wanted to go on a date with someone else, but won't let me do the same! That's not equality. The relationship needs to be on equal footing. You don't make the rules; I don't make the rules. We make the rules. And we don't go out with anyone else."
"What else do you want?"
"Nothing," she shrugged as nonchalantly as possible and then just went for the rest since she'd already spilled the beans anyway. "I just want someone to love me as much as I love him."
"You're trying to control me, Jessica."
"What is this damn hang-up you have about control? Something your wife did to you?"
"Don't. Go. There. Ever."
"Whatever, Connor."
Silence, heavy and thick rose up between them as they studied each other. He looked deep in thought, so Jessica stayed quiet and allowed him some time. When he spoke, his words sounded lifeless and deflated. "I'm not ready to give you what you want. It's too soon and I'm not . . . "
"That's fine," she said as gently as she could manage. She tried to remember that he'd only recently lost the love of his life and her feelings weren't the only ones that mattered. She did care for him, very much, and Jessica knew he was fighting some kind of inner demon. "I hope you find what it is you're looking for." She wasn't going to prolong this. She'd made it this far without falling on the floor and crying her eyes out but she knew that she couldn't hang on for much longer. Walking from the bedroom, she went and stood by the front door. He followed her partway, and stood just inside the living room. "It was nice knowing you." She bit her lip. "Thanks for everything."
"Are you being sarcastic?"
"No. You helped me when I needed help and--" Her voice cracked and she stopped talking.
Connor came up beside her and lifted her chin. "This isn't over. I need some time." His eyes turned hot and then cold again as his gaze filled with hostility. "But I'm going to tell you one thing and you better listen and listen good. You best keep those pretty little legs closed, understand me? If I even so much as catch a hint that some dude's sniffing around you, there'll be hell to pay."
"You're telling me to be faithful?" she asked him incredulously.
"You better believe it."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Are you going to be faithful to me during this . . . this time apart?"
He took her face into his hands and sank his fingers into her hair. His eyes were hot on hers as they swallowed her whole. "I don't have much of a goddamn choice in the matter. I couldn't get it up for anybody else even if I wanted to." His fists tightened around her skull. "And. I. Don't. Want. To."
Jessica's heart went haywire and her breath caught in her throat as hope, sweet and tempting sent butterflies soaring under her breastbone. But she had no time to think on it because Connor's mouth landed on hers, and his tongue pushed between her lips, and he took a kiss that rattled her brain and set her back to the moment when all she could think about was telling him she loved him. What remained of her pride disappeared, and she whispered, "Don't go to that stupid wedding, please don't."
He pulled away from her, pinched her chin once more and said, "Remember what I said. Legs closed." And then he walked from the apartment.
Jessica leaned against the door after he left and shut her eyes. She took a deep, sustaining breath. So maybe it wasn't over after all.
Chapter Eleven
Their confrontation had happened late on Sunday night, and luckily, work on Monday kept Jessica so busy that she didn't have time to dwell on her bruised and battered heart. She'd gotten
very little sleep the night before, mostly tossing and turning, and only when she walked out of the supermarket on Monday night, did it occur to her that she'd have to catch the bus and then walk in the dark the rest of the way home.
But that thought had barely registered when she saw Connor leaning against his car in his customary parking space, obviously there to pick her up. Butterflies whirled in her stomach and she found herself short of breath as she walked toward him. In the fifteen or so seconds it took her to cross to his vehicle, her very vivid, romantic imagination had him pulling her into his arms, begging her forgiveness, and then bending down on one knee, confessing his undying love and proposing marriage with his hand over his heart.
