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Intense was definitely a good way to explain it. I didn’t know what we were doing, but it sounded like it was new to him too.
“So with other girls you never...” I didn’t even know what to say. Bossed them around? I knew the paddle stuff was all new so I didn’t have to ask about that.
“No, it was all normal. Bland.” He rubbed a hand across his chin. “With you I feel more possessive. I want to protect you any way I can. At the same time, there is this fierceness behind it.” He took a deep breath. “Like I want to own you too. I want you to be entirely mine.”
“Who else’s would I be?”
He shook his head. “You know the way we are together. There’s this strong connection and attraction between us that kind of takes over. I’ve never done those kinds of things with anyone else—and I can’t think of doing anything else with you.”
I nodded, nestling closer to him. “I know what you mean. Whatever it is, I like it.”
“I know you do. And you’re so willing to listen me. I have to remember that and be responsible. Remember not to take it too far.”
“You’re a good guy, Ian,” I said, feeling my eyelids growing heavy. “I trust you.”
He moved his head closer to mine, inhaled my hair. “And I trust you. I want this with you. I want you to be my girlfriend. Officially.”
My eyes flew open. That I did not expect. “But what about your position as RC?”
“I don’t care.”
I tried to sit up, but he held me down. “I know I made you feel bad about Vanessa, but I never expected that. I’m okay with keeping it quiet for now.”
“Don’t worry about me—I’m being entirely selfish. What we did was amazing and I’m not letting it happen with any other guy. This is all about staking my claim,” he added with a wink.
“I’m not interested in anyone else but you.”
“Good, then it’s settled.” He wrapped the blanket tighter around us as if signaling the end of the discussion.
Too tired to argue anymore, I closed my eyes. Before I knew it, I’d drifted off to sleep, still nestled into Ian’s side.
Chapter Nine
I awoke in the middle of the night in an unfamiliar room. My heart leapt to attention until my eyes adjusted and I could just make out Ian sleeping peacefully beside me. He looked gorgeous when he slept, too. Like some Greek sculpture with perfectly chiseled features and long dark lashes that fanned his cheekbones.
Carefully I released myself from his arm and felt around for my clothes. There was no way I was spending the night here—Melissa would get beyond suspicious. Best idea was to sneak in while she was asleep and pretend I came home late after studying. So I changed and tip-toed out of my room, remembering to grab my bag from the top of his desk before I slipped out of his room.
This made my second walk of shame. Even though Ian said he wanted to date, and tell everyone too, I wasn’t sure that was the best idea, and not just because of his job. The truth was, I hadn’t fully processed what had been happening between us yet.
Trying my best not to rattle the keys on my chain, I unlocked the door to my room and went straight to bed, not bothering to brush my teeth. It was almost 3 a.m., way too late to claim I’d been at the library, so I’d have to hope Melissa slept through my entrance.
If Ian had his way, I wouldn’t have to sneak around anymore.
In the safety of my own bed, I let myself consider the night’s events. Tonight made twice that Ian and I had experimented with things outside of what was considered the ‘normal’ realm of sex. And both times, my body had responded like it never had before. As a virgin with my only sexual experience being an attempted forced blowjob, I’d had no idea what I liked. I knew part of my reaction to Ian both nights was due to my physical attraction to him, but I also suspected there was something more to it. Something darker. I liked the way he commanded me, the way he made me want to do anything for him.
Perhaps that was part of the reason I wasn’t sure about dating him: if we continued down this road, things would grow more intense. What if we couldn’t handle it? And then eventually the intensity might sputter out, leaving us with nothing in common. I realized I was more afraid of not living up to the intensity. Dating and then breaking up in front of our building and all the other Ian fans on campus could wreck me. I was the type of girl that liked to blend in.
So when he called me the next morning, I didn’t pick up the phone. I also didn’t respond to the text that came in afterward and made myself scarce for the next few days, hiding out in the Social Sciences building where I knew he didn’t have any classes this semester. In case he stopped by my room, I spent the evenings out too, coming home late to avoid Melissa. I even managed to avoid him over the weekend. It wasn’t until Sunday night that he finally tracked me down.
I was studying in a corner cubicle on the sixth floor of the library when my phone’s screen turned on, Ian’s name flashing silently. I hit the button at the top of the phone to ignore the call. A second later, a text came through.
Busted.
I whirled around in my seat to see Ian leaning against the bookshelf behind me, arms crossed. He did not look impressed.
“What do you expect?” I bit out. “We’re in a library.”
The guy studying in the cubicle next to me shot us a glare, and I returned the favor before getting up and leading the way around the corner bookshelf. Here Ian and I were completely alone. On one side of us was a concrete wall with a window and on the other was the book stack.
I pivoted to face him, crossing my arms. “How did you know I was here?”
“My buddy saw you climb the stairs to this floor.”
My mouth fell open. “How many ‘buddies’ do you have keeping tabs on me exactly?”
“Relax. I came in here to study myself and he mentioned he saw you.” Ian paused before adding, “All the guys know how I feel about you.”
“Oh.” That was actually kind of sweet.
“So I wandered the floor until I found you tucked away in the most remote location of the entire library. Talk about depressing. Why are you avoiding me?”
“Maybe I just came here to study. Ever thought of that?”
His eyes narrowed at my sarcastic tone. “Careful.”
I looked down, feeling the heat grow between my legs at his simple warning. Why was he able to do that to me?
“Try again.”
I raised my chin. “It’s my first year. I’m worried about falling behind.”
“Bullshit,” he said with such ferocity, I knew my fellow studier and half the floor must have heard him. “Tell me what’s really going on, Lex.”
My eyes dropped to the floor. What was I supposed to say? How could I possibly explain my fears to him? It seemed easier to just end it now, to just pretend that I needed to focus on my studies. But he wouldn’t believe me.
So I said, “I’ve just been figuring stuff out.”
His jaw clenched as he understood my meaning. “What happened to the girl from last night, the one that said she likes it?”
I blushed and glanced down the stacks of books even though I knew no one would come. “I never said I don’t. I just don’t know if I should.”
He raked a hand through his hair. “You’re feeling ashamed. Don’t.”
I snorted. “Easy for you to say. You weren’t the one with a paddle inside you or bending over to show off your…” I flushed and shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Too bad.” He stepped forward, forcing me back against the wall, his hand slamming against the concrete beside my head. “Because I want to talk about it. You’ve been avoiding me for days. I get that you’re scared and this is all new to you, but it’s new to me too.”
I opened my mouth, closed it. Now was probably the time fess up about how inexperienced I was, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It felt embarrassing to mention that after everything we’d already done.
“You said you trust
me, Lex. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. We can start from the beginning and keep it simple.”
I shook my head. “No we can’t.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because you bring out another side of me!” I closed my eyes and lowered my voice to a fierce whisper. “I’m not that girl. I don’t just do whatever a guy wants me to do. I don’t act like a…”
“Like a what?”
