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“It makes you volatile. ”
“I’ve had only a little extra. To heal my rib…seeing as I couldn’t tell anybody. ”
He shook his head, exasperated. “I warned them against sending you on this mission. ”
I bristled, readying for the same old argument. “Because I’m too young?”
“Because you haven’t had enough training. Most girls experience their first mission as a part of the final test to become a Watcher. But you, you’ve been here one term, and simply because you have a facility with language, they’re sending you off, where you will quite likely get killed. ”
“Whoa. ” I actually took a step back. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. ”
His words shook me. Would I get killed? I told myself it was only that Ronan didn’t appreciate my skills.
But I knew someone who did—Alcántara. When I was with the vampire, I felt expansive and full of potential, like a seedling exposed to daylight for the first time.
It was unsettling that Ronan guessed I’d snuck extra doses of the blood. But how could it be a bad thing when I felt stronger than ever? I’d thrown myself into my physical training, working out harder than ever. I’d even mastered those stupid pull-ups. The blood brought me alive with a prickly, zinging feeling that’d put me more in touch with my body and the world around me. I was more attuned to smells, sounds, the sensation of bodies near in space. …
With that thought, I sensed them. Emma and Yasuo were approaching. Ever since my little talk with Emma, things had taken off between the two of them, and they’d become mostly inseparable.
I turned, and there they were, walking so closely, their arms were touching. Although it wasn’t exactly forbidden, outright PDA would’ve been pretty stupid. This was the Isle of Night, not the mall, and at the moment I was grateful for it. The last thing I needed was to see Emma and Yas with their hands in each other’s back pockets.
But what did his status as vampire Trainee mean for their relationship in the long term? Someday, would it be Yasuo who sent us on missions? How would they sustain a relationship then? I thought of some of the other guys…Kevin, Rob, Josh. Would they have the right to order us around one day?
Just the very notion rankled. And where was Josh, anyway? I realized I hadn’t seen him all week. “Where’s the third stooge?”
At the tone in my voice, Emma looked as if I’d slapped her.
Crap. Was Ronan right? Was I acting volatile? I’d immersed myself in my preparations, trying to impress Alcántara, but had my excitement about the mission made me lose sight of who my friends really were? Because that sure had sounded decidedly unfriendly. I cut a glance at Ronan, standing there about as readable as a sphinx.
My greeting put Yas on his guard. “Josh, you mean? He’s in class. ”
Ronan hoisted his bag higher on his shoulder. “Which is where I need to go. ” He gave me a weighty look. “Remember what I said, Annelise. Be careful. ”
I nodded, uncertain what to say. I’d been angry, but now I was just kind of disturbed. Was I too inexperienced, drinking too much blood, in over my head? Was I in danger? Though I had no answers, I was left with the sneaking suspicion that yes, Ronan might actually, honestly care.
My throat tightened with an unexpected surge of emotion. This was it. Ronan looked away, and hard as I willed it, he didn’t meet my eyes again.
Good-bye.
He walked away before I could manage the word, and I was struck with something sharper than anxiety, deeper than anger. Those feelings seemed stupid now—a silly, childish waste of energy. Was this regret I felt? Because chances were good I’d never see him again.
I’d gotten caught up in the mission when I should’ve been warier than ever of Alcántara—after all, he was sending me on an operation from which I might not return alive. My vanity and the vampire’s attentions had made me cocky, but I wasn’t invincible. Maybe I’d caught Alcántara’s fancy, but he could easily tire of me at any time. Tire of me and kill me.
I could never fully trust a vampire, or anything about a system where it was guys and guys alone who sat on the top of the totem pole. I was one of his favorites, sure, but that wasn’t necessarily a good thing. Any situation in which there was a high likelihood I’d end up dead was, by definition, not a good thing.
The magnitude of it all overwhelmed me. As did the nagging feeling that I’d messed something up with Ronan. We played for keeps on this island, and I’d taken his caution on my behalf for granted. His advice had been a gift, and I’d spurned it like an unruly child. But it was too late. There were no do-overs on Eyja næturinnar.
I faced my friends. “I’m sorry, guys. I think I’m just nervous. ” My voice was uncertain, and it gave truth to my words.
Emma loosened up at once and gave me an understanding smile. “Of course you are. When do you leave?”
I shrugged. “A few days from now. ”
“Have you learned where you’re going yet?” asked Yasuo.
Alcántara’s words echoed in my head: These things must remain between us. “I—I don’t know what the plan is. ”
They shared a look, and Yasuo said, “She’s lying. ”
