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Roane took one of those habitual small breaths and leaned against the wall. He was across the room and yet, I felt suffocated by his presence. He was too close. He wasn’t close enough. I was on his bed. I wasn’t in his arms. I sucked in a harsh breath and shook my head. I couldn’t think like that—I couldn’t feel like that. It was wrong. Everything was wrong.
“I understand it, you know.” He sounded raw, scraped open.
Something relaxed inside of me. I didn’t feel so alone. “Understand?”
He moved closer. I didn’t see it, but I sensed it. I felt him move beside the bed, but he didn’t sit down. He stayed beside me, but just out of reach.
“You’re going through it again. You were empathic. You couldn’t control your gifts. I heard you with Kates, how horrible it must’ve been. I’m a vampire, Davy. I understand the complexities between Empaths and Vampires. I know you must’ve been tortured.”
‘Hey, little girl, little girl, little girl. Come out and play… come out and play. I have some toys for you.’
“Do you really?” I strangled out. “Do you know what he did to me? The things that he said and that was just… those were words. They weren’t even… do you really understand what he did to me?”
I looked up and was caught by Roane’s gaze. In the span of knowing him, he was usually so unemotional. There were times that I knew I’d infuriated him. There were times I’d been intimidated by him. I’d felt what it was like to be inside his arms, but I’d never seen this from him.
He was haunted.
“Were you tortured?” I don’t know why I asked.
“I did the torture, Davy.”
‘It’s about us not forgetting what we used to be. We used to be human.’
“That must’ve been….” I wasn’t sure what to say. That must’ve been hard for him? He did the torture and I’d been tortured. I was suddenly angry, really angry at him even though he hadn’t been my torturer. Not to mention that I wasn’t human anymore. Would I turn into the same monster?
“That’s not…” Roane stopped and turned away, but paused before he had completely turned his back. He raised a hand and ran it over his head.
I drew my knees to my chest and hugged them. I could see he was upset, but so was I. “I’m not human anymore, Roane. You can’t—” He couldn’t understand. He’d been a vampire for so long.
“What? I can’t understand? I have no idea what it’s like to suddenly wake up and not be human, with powers that don’t make sense. You’re right, Davy. I have absolutely no idea.”
I shrunk back from his stinging words.
Roane pressed, “I know more about you than you do right now, Davy. I know what the Immortal is. I know that you’re empathic and you’re still human. You’ve just got other juices flowing in your blood.”
“Can I get rid of them?” I kneeled on his bed. A part of me was desperate. I didn’t want this.
Roane sucked in his breath, but didn’t move away. He didn’t move closer either, but he couldn’t look away. I felt my power over him. It was blinding and I knew that he couldn’t turn away. He wanted to. A part of him really wanted to turn and walk away. He didn’t.
I moved closer, just close enough without touching him. If either of us moved an inch, we would’ve felt the other.... I wanted to feel him. I needed it. It was the same hunger that I’d felt in that professor’s office. Something inside of me—or maybe it was me—needed him. It was like I was starving for him.
Roane searched my face, but his eyes flickered and held on my lips. He wrung out, “You don’t know yourself right now. This isn’t what you want.”
“This isn’t what happened in the office? That was both of us.”
“You were starting to change. You weren’t yourself. You won’t be, not for a long time.”
“Are you trying to save me, Roane? Is that what this is? You’re trying to be compassionate? Maybe feeling your human self right now?”
I felt the whiplash from his eyes. He was furious, but he clenched his jaw tight. “You don’t want me to save you or you don’t want to be saved? You want me to be a vampire, Davy? Is that what you want? Maybe you want me to drink your blood? Davina.”
Davina.
Vampire.
I lifted stormy eyes to his. “You have this decree to stop yourselves from being what you are. It’s the same thing as Kates. She’s meant to be a slayer and that decree says she can’t be herself. You’re evil. Be evil and she can do what she’s supposed to do. She gets to kill you.”
His lip curled upwards, mocking and lethal. “And that’s what pisses you off, because you don’t know where you fit in. You’ve never known, have you? You’re a human. You’re not supposed to know about us, but you do. You’re empathic and that made you a freak. You found out things you weren’t supposed to and now what are you? You’re more of a freak than Kates or I will ever be. Only one can exist and you’re all alone.”
