Archi-fucking-bald.
I sigh and turn to walk away. “Ryder, please.”
He sobs, and I turn, confused. I look at him, really look at him. He’s lost weight, a lot of fucking weight. He has bags under his eyes, and his suit hangs off him and looks crumpled. I fold my arms across my chest. He steps closer to me, but I take a step back.
“What the hell do you want?”
“Ryder, please. I just want to talk.”
I huff out a laugh. “You’ve got nothing to say that I need to hear, Arch. Go home to your wife and kid.” I turn and walk away.
“Ryder, please?” I turn when I hear a thud as he drops to his knees. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be without you. I love you. Ryder, it’s still you. It’s always been you.”
“Arch, it wasn’t me a year ago when you tossed me aside, so get up off your fucking knees. You’re embarrassing yourself.”
“Ryder.” I turn as Jay jogs across the car park to me.
“You okay?” I nod and smile at him.
“I just need…”
“Arch, I’m gonna be as respectful as I can. Clearly, you’re going through something, but I’m not interested in anything you have to say. Actions speak louder than words, and you showed me exactly what you thought of me a year ago, so trust me when I say I don’t need to hear what you have to say now. I’m good. You don’t even factor on my radar anymore. So have a good life, Arch. Despite everything, you deserve to be happy, because I am.”
I turn to walk away again, and he whimpers from behind me. “You’ve met someone?”
“No, Arch. Turns out he was there all along.” I throw my arm around Jay and kiss him on the cheek as we go to walk away. Arch gasps out on a wrecked sob.
“He’s not even gay!”
“Turns out, I’m more gay than you’ve ever been. The difference between us, Archie, is that I will fight for my man.” Jay slides his arm around my waist, and we walk over to the restaurant. Today, we’re celebrating oursix-month anniversary. It turns out that Jay was my person all along.
Ryder
Chapter 46
Six months earlier…
I’m starting to feel more like me again. It’s been a while since everything went down with Arch. I just felt numb. Jay practically moved in and wouldn’t let me be alone, which I appreciate, but I have to start getting over him. All the wedding stuff has gone now, yesterday’s news, and I haven’t heard from him, which I suppose is good. It just shows that he never loved me, and I was just a phase.
I actually have a day off today, so I head out to the garage. I lift and exercise like a crazy person, which I’ve been doing a lot lately, but it helps, so that’s not a bad thing. It’s better than the spiral I went on just after. I haven’t been with a guy since him. I just can’t seem to go back to just fucking. I had a taste of what life could be like, and I want someone, but I don’t know if I have it in me to look for one.
When I’ve done working out, I start working on my bike. Bikes are my happy place, and although I don’t get to take her out as much as I’d like now I have my new bike, this bike is special. She never let me down and got me where I am today, and I’m so grateful.
I have a sponsorship deal with an oil and lubrication company, and a male underwear brand is in talks with the team and wants to sponsor a few of us. I never thought about modelling, but they seem to think I’ve got the ‘look’ they want, all bad boy brooding, and me being gay is a selling point, apparently.
I smile, thinking it all worked out in the end. I work on the bike the rest of the day when Dad pushes in.
“So, you had a day off from the bike shop, working and fixing bikes, to stay home and work on and fix your bike?” He laughs.
“Yup. And listen to how sweet she sounds.” I fire her up, and Dad grins, slinging his arm around me. He kisses the side of my face.
“You really are my kid, aren’t you?” He laughs. It’s true; we are so much alike, and I’m not sure if this is who I was always meant to be or if it’s his influence that’s shaped me, but I can’t argue that we are alike. I’m happy with how I turned out.
We head inside, and I head up for a shower. I scrub my aching muscles and head down for dinner. Mum does a roast, and we sit, chat, and just generally enjoy each other’s company. It’s nice to see them so happy. I load the dishwasher, and Dad flicks on the news. We sit to watch, and my stomach drops.
It's him. He’s giving a press conference to announce she’s pregnant, three fucking months pregnant. We’ve only been apart six months, and it stings, and the small wound that’s left rips back open. I grab my coat and storm out.
I hear my Dad call out behind me, but I just keep going. I head to the off-license, grab two bottles of Jack, and head to the park. I sit on one of the benches and just fucking drink. My mind’s reeling. Three fuckingmonths pregnant. He didn’t waste any fucking time. I really did mean nothing. He’s there living his best life, and I’m here falling apart like a fucking pussy. I close my eyes. I try to be a good man. I try so hard, work hard, and love hard, but right now, I can’t ever see myself being with another man. Maybe in the future, I will go back to just fucking around again. I’m good at that. It keeps them out of your heart, nicknames, no real names, just fucking. No hearts get broken that way.
