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Five different tests peed on and all came back with the same result: Grace was pregnant.
And she was beside herself.
I felt inadequate and ill equipped to comfort her. So I just held her and hugged her, and told her I would be there for her no matter what. Grace cried and sobbed, asking what she was supposed to do now. And I didn’t have an answer for her. My personal situation being what it was, I felt like perhaps I was the last person who should give her advice. But still I was there for her, even if all I could give were soothing words and hugs.
Grace left after crying herself out. She wanted her mom, understandably, and knowing her mom myself, I knew she would be there for her. I shuddered to think what my own mother would do if the situation was reversed.
Remembering my mom, it struck me how I hadn’t heard from her all weekend. She didn’t even have the decency to tell me where she was. But then again, it felt like her. Selfish and only thinking about herself. And then I felt bad for thinking like that. Though it was true, it felt wrong to think like that because she was my mom. I’d just have to wait and see how everything played out. Hopefully, maybe, after some time my parents could work everything out. I’d never seen my dad so low. It was like he was broken without her.
Feeling entirely too melancholy about everything, and after such a fantastic weekend to boot, I stretched out across the bed and gave Brett a call, knowing just hearing his voice would cheer me up.
“Hey?” he answered with hesitation, as if he didn’t know what to expect.
“Hey, you,” I said back. “I’m sorry about today. Grace had some personal stuff going on and I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone. She just left… and I miss you…”
“It’s okay,” he said and the way he said it, I knew he understood. “I miss you, too.”
My heart did a little pitter-patter hearing he missed me back.
“You do?” I asked, and I rolled over onto my back.
“Yes. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re all I think about.”
I squeezed by thighs together, thinking about him and remembering our weekend together.
“Are you busy? Do you wanna grab a burger?”
“I’ll be over in ten,” he said then hung up.
Chapter Fourteen
Mandy
Senior year of high school was flying by so fast. It felt like I blinked my eyes and it was already Christmas Break. Grace ended up deciding to keep her baby, with the support of her parents, and thankfully wasn’t due until after the school year was over. It was even more important then that we spent as much time with each other and enjoyed our last couple of months as teenagers. Adulthood was looming ever closer, like a dark cloud over my head. There were important decisions I needed to make, like what I planned on doing with my life, but I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do so I just kept putting the decisions off.
My father was still struggling with his split from my mother, apparently she ran off to New York to finally pursue her dream of modeling or acting or something. At least that’s what she said in the Merry Christmas email I received from her.
And Brett and I were growing closer than ever. When I wasn’t spending time with Grace, I was spending my time with him.
We spent most of Christmas Break together, mostly at his house with his parents. My father was still drowning his sorrows in the bottom of the bottle, and I didn’t know how to help him because he wouldn’t let me. He all but practically kicked me out of the house anytime I tried to cheer him up.
But Brett’s parents seemed more than happy to have me around.
Brett’s house became a sanctuary for me, a place I could go to and forget the shit going on with my own broken family. They accepted me and cared for me simply because their son did. And I couldn’t help but grow to care for them in return. They set a place for me at the table every night before dinner, just in case I showed up.
The closer I grew to Brett, and the more my heart ached and swelled for him, the more I just longed to spend my time in his arms. We christened just about all of the corners in every hallway in the school with our make out sessions, and even a couple of broom closets without getting caught.
When we weren’t able to use his bedroom while his parents were out, we were giving the backseat of his mom’s Volvo quite the workout. There was just something about watching Brett fight, watching him get all pumped up and sweaty that really did it for me. I was usually climbing into his lap, shoving my hands down his shorts before he could put the car in park. And he was always happy to let me start by having my way with him before he pinned me down and showed me who belonged on top.
Falling completely and utterly in love with Brett was both thrilling and terrifying at the same time. How could someone make me feel so beautiful, so strong? Like I could conquer the world with their love… Yet just the fear of losing him, losing his affections or his attentions made me feel like I would break and fall apart.
I could understand my father’s devastation over my mother. They were together for a little over eighteen years. I was with Brett for only a few months and I couldn’t imagine ever losing him. And once I realized it, once I realized how much Brett was devastating me, I started to pull back. I had to protect myself.
The fucking irony in that, huh?
I don’t even know if Brett eve
n realized what I was doing, I don’t think even I was aware of it at first. But Brett was becoming a little frustrated with my unwillingness to commit to the future. He wanted to stay in town, attend the local college and continue training with his gym. I still felt like for me, I needed to head out to California to prove myself. That for some time at least, our relationship would have to be long distance. I was determined not to make the same mistake that my parents did by trying to settle down too soon. Brett and I both needed the chance to pursue our dreams before we committed to each other forever.
