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During the past couple of months, I felt her pulling away from me. I felt her slowly leaving my side. It was like her parents in a way, except our separation had been dragging on over those couple of months. It hurt, but I couldn’t make her love me anymore. I couldn’t push my love into her. I couldn’t manipulate her like a marionette.
The time I had been spending in the gym and dojo had been paying off for me physically, but I think mentally I might not have been as dedicated as I would have liked. I was there but Mandy wasn’t anymore. She kept going out with Grace, and I couldn’t blame her. Grace was her best friend and in need of Mandy.
But I wanted to be selfish.
I fucking wanted her to be with me.
* * *
I stopped in front of Mandy’s house and saw her standing there, looking so lost and sad.
I don’t know why but as I stepped out of the car and called to her, “Mandy!” I could feel our love starting to crack like ice. “What’s wrong?”
I started walking towards her, slowly at first but I was really scared to walk on further. The tears on her cheeks told me something was oh-so-very wrong and scaring her to her core.
The words that came out of her mouth were jumbled and rushed, and I didn’t believe what I thought I heard her say at first so I asked her to repeat it.
“I missed my period.”
I held onto her as tightly as I could, my arms wrapping around her as I tried to embody the stalwart man. I tried to be strong for her, but all I could think of was oh, shit.
I thought we were careful. I thought she was safe and on the pill. I knew mistakes could happen, but I really wanted to ask what the fuck she was doing. I had no clue how it could happen, was it a missed pill? I didn’t think she had taken antibiotics recently. Fuck, my thoughts were a thousand miles a minute.
“How…” I swallowed a couple of times to get my dry mouth to work. “How late are you?”
“A couple of days, at least.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Okay, well first things first.” I said as I steered her towards the car. Holding her as tight as I could, I felt her body trembling mightily. “I love you. And no matter what, I will not stop loving you.”
“I love you, Brett,” she said quietly.
Walking around the back of the car, I thought but did not say: Do you still? Do you still really love me? Will this drive us even further apart?
Getting into the car, I smiled to Mandy. I needed to shut up and do all I could to make sure she was supported. I learned my lesson after hearing Mandy speak about how horrible Grace felt and was treated by Carson.
“Let’s go get us a test. Though…” I said with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood. “I don’t think I can teach you how to study for this.”
“Oh, god. Seriously? That’s the best one you can come up with?” Mandy said with watery eyes.
“Well, I mean we… Yeah, I got nothing.”
Mandy snorted when I admitted defeat and reached out to hold my hand. It was a gesture I sunk my whole being into. I wanted to feel her hand in mine forever.
I smiled and tried to reassure her the whole way to the drug store, but I was not sure how I could face this with my parents. I knew they would be supportive of us and love our child, Mandy, and I all the more. But would they deep down be disappointed and feel like we failed them in some way?
Fuck, I didn’t even have a job. I had been fully accepted into college. What of our plans now? Were we even responsible enough to have a child?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. No, shut up, that’s what got me into this position in the first place. Fuck.
If I was being honest though, I had seen how Grace looked pregnant, and if Mandy was pregnant, holy shit, I might have a thing for pregnant girls. Or more specifically, a pregnant Mandy. Shit, do not get a boner right now.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
We made it to the drug store without me disturbing Mandy, and we bought two tests. She admitted she and Grace did five, but that was a bit over doing it.
Once we were out of the store, I kissed her on the forehead in the car and headed for my parents’ house. Her dad might have been home at hers, and right then we wanted privacy.
