AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I know, hon, I know. But you have to understand, it’s not his fault. Yes, he’s a playboy, and yes, he’s good-looking and charismatic, but he can’t stop the ladies from throwing themselves at his feet.”
“Those women were not ladies.”
Pepper lets out a small laugh. “Okay, okay, but you get my point. Prescott is small, and there aren’t a ton of eligible guys around, you know? So those women wanted him. So what? He doesn’t want them. Don’t you think you should give him some credit?”
Annoyance makes my voice sharpen. “Don’t tell me you’re taking his side, Pepper.”
“Jessa, c’mon. I’m your friend. I’m just being reasonable.”
I close my eyes and plop back on my pillows. “Okay, say we got back together and we had a family for a little while. What if he found someone better than me down the line? What if he left us?”
“Then obviously, he’s a piece of shit, and you’re better off without him. But honestly, girlfriend, you can’t live in fear of something that hasn’t happened yet. He deserves the chance to be a father. Besides, I don’t even know where your scenario is coming from!”
I pause, feeling absolutely miserable.
“But it doesn’t feel like a ‘maybe’ to me, Pepper. It feels like a guarantee. Or worse, a side-effect of how charming and handsome and charismatic he is. If Sam left me, I don’t think I could survive it.”
“Yes, you could,” she says firmly. “For the sake of that baby, you can survive anything.”
I bite my lip to keep it from trembling. My buddy’s right, of course, and I hate it. But isn’t this why I called her? For a reality check? “Pepper, I’m so scared.”
“Oh, hon, I know. I’m sorry if I’ve been short with you.” She’s using a motherly tone on me, but it’s okay. It’s soothing and probably exactly what I need right now.
“No, no,” I reply in a small voice, “I’m the one who’s being a brat.”
“Well, maybe just a little.” Her teasing makes me smile. “Listen, Jess, you know I care about your feelings and I know what you’re going through. If my Rob were less of a grouch, I’d have to beat women away with a stick, and that doesn’t exactly sound like fun.”
I laugh and wipe away a stray tear. “You’re right.”
“I always am, don’t you know that already girlfriend? But will you think about telling Sam the good news? For me?”
“Yes. I’ll think about it.”
“Good. Now, make yourself something warm to drink, eat a cookie or two, and then go to sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
“Okay. Thanks for listening to me, Pepper,” I say in a small voice. “I really appreciate it.”
“Of course. Good night, Jess.”
“Night.”
She hangs up and I turn away from the phone. My friend must be exhausted, and I really shouldn’t have called her this late. After all, she’s got two little ones to take care of, and my call just added to her worries.
I grip my pillow and cuddle it close to my chest. I’ll follow her advice about getting something warm to drink, but as far as Sam is concerned, my mind is already made up. I don’t need him. Yes, the situation is difficult but with a sudden realization, I know that I want this baby. He or she was conceived in love, and although I miss my ex terribly, I don’t need him to make this work.
But even as my thoughts spin, my heart drops painfully. I still love Sam Nelson despite everything, and having his baby is simultaneously a sweet sorrow and blinding joy in my chest.
12
Jessa
* * *
Nine months later.
I’m as big as a house, my ankles hurt, and I’m totally over being pregnant. My mood changes at the drop of a hat, I’m even more scatterbrained than usual, I crave the strangest things, and I can burst into tears about anything—even billboards with puppies on them. The baby is due any day now, and my midwife, Felicity, is here to try and get my water to break.
“Walk a bit faster, sweetie,” she says. “We want your child to know it’s time.”
“Yes ma’am.”
I’m doing laps around my apartment. We pushed my couch as close to the wall as possible, and in its place is a small pool that Felicity helped me put together. It cost a fortune but I’m doing okay. After all, I haven’t worked in weeks, but my manager Chet still gives me a part-time paycheck from the Salty Lagoon. The bar doesn’t officially offer maternity leave, but as it turns out, he’s not as much of an asshole as I thought. Apparently, he has a soft spot for pregnant girls who are the same age as his daughter.
I’m grateful for the small wage, and for the help I receive from my parents and my friends. They are an endless source of encouraging emojis and hilarious memes. Pepper, more than anyone, goes above and beyond for me. She’s always ready to talk if I need it, and she’s given me a stash of newborn diapers and toys leftover from when her kids were small. My parents of course, want to shower my baby with gifts, but nothing they’re looking at would fit in my tiny apartment, so they’re holding off for now. Nonetheless, I’m planning on moving in with them when my lease expires next month because Dorothy and Fred have a lot more space, not to mention a backyard for when the baby gets older.
