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It’s like she’s rehearsing lines for a play she’s not proud of.
“Jesus, Lola, this is insane.”
“I know,” I laugh, shaking my head. I can’t stop a smile from spreading across my cheeks. “But it feels real. It feels so right. It feels like I was destined to come here. It feels like Cupid shot me full of arrows. I know, I know,” I hurry to add.
Kayley’s lips are twisted in disbelief. I raise my hands, placating her.
“I’m not saying that’s what happened,” I murmur. “That’s just how it feels.”
“I’ve got a problem,” Kayley says after a pause. “I want to tell you you’re being tricked. I want to tell you that Dad is using you for sex, and all that stuff – all this craziness – is just part of a scam. But I’ve never known Dad to do anything like this.”
“What about me?” I demand. “Have you ever known me to act so crazy?”
“No,” she sighs, running a hand through her hair.
She drops back and drums her fingers against the table, her nails going tap-tap-tap like a countdown.
But a countdown to what?
“Jeez, Lola, I don’t know what to make of any of this.”
“Do you hate me?” I whisper.
She flinches as though I just struck her, and then she reaches across the table and takes my hand. She squeezes it firmly, staring at me with the same intensity I remember from the night my aunt died.
She was there, in the hospital with me, and now I see that same fiery passion.
“I could never hate you,” she says. “This is confusing. It’s crazy. But short of doing something completely morally evil – which I know you’d never do – I could never, ever hate you, Lola. You’re like a sister to me.”
“Even now?” I whisper, tears creeping into my eyes, a sob trying to break its way into my words.
I hate how easily my tears come, but I’ve never been able to correct it. It’s like the urge to cry just takes me over, mocking me when I try to fight it.
“Even now,” Kayley says, a sob of her own crackling through her words.
I stand up and walk around the table, lean down and wrap my arms around her. She turns and stands at the same time.
We embrace fiercely, the same way we have dozens of times. I squeeze onto her, afraid that if I let her go she’ll come to her senses and decide that she does hate me after all.
“Do you want me to come with you to meet Ryan?” I ask. “For backup?”
The truth is I just want to keep talking – to make sure that we’re okay – and this is the first thing that comes to me. I regret it almost as soon as I say it. The last thing she needs is to be reminded of all that mess on top of everything else.
“No,” she says, as our hug comes to a natural end. “I should get going, though. I need to get ready. I’ll be okay. I’m just nervous about what excuse he’s going to come up with. I would prefer the truth, you know. I feel the same way with you two. I wish you’d just told me the truth straight away.”
She turns and walks away, head bowed. I feel rooted in place, stuck, forced to watch her as she disappears around the corner.
We were going to, I want to call after her, but my voice won’t work.
I feel drained and worn out as if somebody has hollowed me out.
I miss Liam.
That’s the crazy thing right there.
I miss him in my bones.
Kayley doesn’t hate me.
That has to count for something, though, doesn’t it?
I drop into the chair Kayley was just sitting in and take a deep breath, telling myself that we can do this. We can get through this and come out the other side better than we ever were before.
But I’m not sure if I believe it.
Chapter Sixteen
Liam
I drive back toward the house, gritting my teeth, tension working its way through my body and my chest.
When the sheriff said that the front of the club had been vandalized, I’d expected more than some amateur spray paint across the sign.
I let him in so he could review the security footage, made a call to one of my fixers to get the sign sorted for tomorrow, and then got in my car and made the engine roar.
I can’t stop thinking about the way Kayley looked at me before I left, her eyes haunted, hate-filled, shimmering slightly as though she was trying to fight off tears.
I never wanted to hurt my daughter.
I feel like an evil sonofabitch.
I wish Hunter was here to keep me company for the drive home. I miss his reassuring breathing from the backseat, the groaning noises he sometimes makes.
I wish I could drive through some magical portal and return to last night. I can’t stop thinking about the way Lola flowered for me, the musical sounds of her moaning.
