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Happiness. Optimism.
A reason to go on.
I can’t hide in my room all day, and before I hear the shower shut off, I grab a different robe from the linen press, one that’s more her size.
The house is full of stuff like that, things I keep in case of guests.
Things that never get used.
Clutching the robe in both hands, I move to the bathroom door and put it on the counter through the steaming gap.
Telling myself not to look either, I find myself staring through the opening, her flesh-toned shape moving behind the steamed up shower screen.
Her head is thrown back like she’s rinsing her hair.
But once I see the shapes of both her hands start to circle that large chest of hers, I’m done.
I moan loudly, my hand quickly covering my mouth before I remind myself that it’s my house. That I actually want her to see what she’s doing to me now.
“Conor?” I hear her ask, startled but not scared.
“Uh, just left a fresh robe by the door for you,” I reply. Trying to sound cheerful but hearing the edge of need in my voice.
“Oh, okay. Thanks!” she chimes, and I see her hands again.
One circling her breast, the other sliding between her legs as she washes.
I could stay and watch her all day, nearly decide to but she shuts off the water and as much as it pains me, I give her the privacy she expects.
Once she knows how I feel, she can make up her mind about just how much I can watch over her.
But how do I feel?
What if she has a boyfriend? A husband even?
Fuck, I never even considered that for a second.
I stop on the stairs halfway down, a sudden sharp pain in my chest at the thought of it. At the very idea, she could ever be with anyone else.
Well, if there is anyone else, I feel for him. Because he’s about to lose her to me.
It shouldn’t eat at me, but until I can ask her about it, I find it just as hard to focus on making some food for us both as I did to even get dressed.
It all disappears though, the moment she comes down into the kitchen.
Valentine greets her at the door and she kneels down to pat his head. I watch in amusement as he licks her nose and paws at her like he’s a puppy all over again.
“He really likes you,” I observe, not jealous at all. In fact, if he didn’t like her it would probably make it easier because I wouldn’t like her either.
But I do like her.
I more than fucking like her.
“Umm,” I announce, suddenly needing to know now before it drives me completely crazy.
“You have someone you need to call?” I ask her bluntly. “Boyfriend… Husband?”
I don’t mean it to but it sounds more like an accusation.
Her brow creases and she stands up slowly, clasping her robe closed over her cleavage.
She shakes her head stiffly. “No, uh… Maybe my dad. I can go as soon as my clothes are dry,” she offers, suddenly looking awkwardly away. Her eyes darting to the floor and her whole face looking worried like she’s done or said something wrong.
It’s music to my ears though, and I rush over to her, startling her a little as I grip both her elbows with my hands.
“Your dad? So you don’t have…?” I half ask, just needing to hear it one more time.
“No, I don’t,” she says gruffly.
She turns away from me and hugging her elbows, follows the sound of the dryer, which I hear stop as she checks to see if her clothes are dry.
Valentine is giving me the look.
He always knows how to bring me down a peg with a single glance.
I return it with my ‘I know, I know!’ face, and sliding the pans off the stovetop, I make my way to the laundry.
She’s holding her wet bra and panties in one hand, checking the definitely still wet clothes in another.
“I was gonna put these in to dry too,” she murmurs, and I hear the emotion in her voice.
“I don’t want you to go,” I tell her quickly. “I just wasn’t sure if you…”
“If I what? Was actually involved with anyone?” she almost spits, turning to face me with tears in her eyes.
“I’ve heard it my whole life, Conor, and once already today from my dad. No I don’t have a boyfriend and no, I don’t really see how it’s any of your business either,” she manages to get out before turning away again, her shoulders jerking as she sobs.
Nice work Romeo, now you’ve made her cry.
On the one hand, I’m relieved. I can’t believe my good luck that she’s single.
On the other hand, I may have just burnt the only bridge that leads to my happiness with her by asking her so soon. So directly.
