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Oh man, if you only knew.
“I know it’s a big deal, moving and all. But you made it through college, hardly even missed this old place after a few weeks,” he reminds me.
I feel myself squirming and casually peck his cheek before getting up.
“I may as well tell you, Dad. Nothing gets past you,” I hear myself saying.
He gets a knowing look and leans back, relieved I’m gonna give him something to make up for his night of worry.
“I kinda… met someone,” I tell him, turning my back and pretending to sort dishes when in reality I’m having yet another ‘What are you doing?’ moment.
He starts excited, “Honey, that’s great!” But then I can feel him frowning, long before I finally turn around and see his face.
“But, we’re moving,” he says flatly, poking a hole in my good news that I already know isn’t that good.
“I know,” I sigh and think of Conor straight away again. His house, Valentine. How perfect he is and everything else in his world.
“It’s nothing serious,” I lie, hoping it might at least stop my dad from reminding me that I don’t have anyone for a change. But it has the opposite effect.
He wants to know everything, I can tell.
I’ve gone from the girl nobody wanted yesterday to the girl who stayed out all night.
“Well it sure sounds serious,” he says firmly, his voice getting darker. “Serious enough for you to be out all night the day before we’re due to move, Rachel. That sounds pretty serious to me.”
Straight away it feels like yesterday morning all over again, before I walked out and went for a walk instead of arguing.
Yesterday dad apologized straight away and I kinda punished him by walking out.
Today he’s not saying sorry, he’s fuming all of a sudden. Wanting answers I can’t give him.
Answers I can’t even give myself.
I wish there was someone I could tell all this to, someone who could listen to my being torn between wanting to stay with Conor and wanting to stay with my dad.
Family over my feelings, but now it feels like I’ve blown both chances, made one angry, and walked away from the one man who wanted me to stay.
Can’t walk out again today, I just got home. And I don’t feel like arguing either, I feel low enough as it is.
“Why don’t you go lay down for a while, Dad?” I suggest. “I don’t feel like fighting. I met someone, it was no big deal and I know it won’t work with the move, so…?” I shrug, relieved when he silently agrees with me.
He’s worse than I am when I’m tired, grouchy as hell, and totally unreasonable.
“I guess I should get some rest,” he admits.
“I’ll wash up, and then pack up some more dad, you go rest,” I tell him, grateful when he’s gone because I don’t have to keep up the front anymore.
I sink down into the kitchen chair and cover my face with my hands, silently crying for what I’ve left behind.
Crying for what I’m moving away from and most of all, crying because I know I’ve made the wrong choices already.
After a time, I’m convinced I can hear Valentine barking, I get up and rush to the front door but there’s nothing outside.
I strain to hear him, but it’s just the wind and the cold.
The snow that’s starting to fall.
Conor? If I could take it back, I would. I hope you don’t hate me for this, but I didn’t know what else to do. If you can fix this, then fix it. One more hour without you is too much.
Chapter Fourteen
Conor
I can’t decide which feels worse. Missing her the moment I hear the cab pull away, or not having Valentine near me while he sits at the front door pining for her too.
I call him from my office but he only whines and growls, telling me what I already know.
I messed up somehow. I blew the one chance I had.
Valentine doesn’t bear a grudge though, and after a while, he feels my emotions enough to come try and cheer me up.
I’ve been staring at my open laptop for an hour, vacantly assessing some digital floor plans but having no real plans of my own.
No idea how I could even try to get Rachel to come back.
I didn’t even get to ask where she was moving to. It occurs to me that I could and would definitely move in a heartbeat if it meant I could be closer to her.
They’re not moving to another country as far as I can tell. I could take Valentine with me, move anywhere. I work mostly from home anyways.
The thought pleases me, I even feel my mouth twitching into a smile.
The old Conor Fox thinking is starting to come around again.
I always get what I want in the end, and I don’t plan on letting someone as special as Rachel slip through my fingers just because she’s moving.
