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It’s afternoon by the time we’re both sated. Spent. I’m the happiest man alive, a king who finally has his queen.
But has it come at the cost of my greatest friend? Do I have to lose Valentine so I can win Rachel?
The thought makes me feel heavy inside, and I wish I could have it both ways. Rachel and my best buddy by my side.
But I know how life works sometimes. You can have whatever you want in this life. I know that much from my own experience.
But when you take something from a certain place, something else is usually removed without your say so, filling the gap created somewhere else.
It’s nature’s way of balance and today if that’s the case.
It sucks.
I try not to dwell on it, but Rachel sense it, can read my thoughts as much as if I said them out loud.
Her hand traces through my hair, her other one drawing light circles on my chest.
“He’ll come back, Conor. And I’m not just saying that I really think he’ll come back,” she tells me, whispering the last part, pulling my head onto her chest until I relax. Hearing her heartbeat.
I hope she’s right, and I hope Valentine feels the same way. Wherever he is right now.
Where the hell could he be?
It’s an uninvited thought but it’s one I can’t stop replaying.
Having Rachel to lie with, feeling her soft touch on my hard body is soothing. It takes away some of the pain, but I know I’ll never rest until I get to the bottom of this.
“It’s only been half a day so far,” she reasons. “Give him time. Let him come back to you in his own time,” she says tenderly.
“Come back to us,” I reply. “Let him come back to us,” I repeat, letting my hand move down to her belly, feeling her, her warmth, and her smoothness.
“To us,” she agrees dreamily, and in no time at all, as much as I try to fight it we’re both fast asleep.
Chapter Nineteen
Rachel
Knowing how little sleep Conor got last night on the same couch, I doze for a while but have to get up before he does.
I need the bathroom, plus as much as I love it, having a two hundred and twenty pound slab of a man lying mostly on top of me is a short term thing at best.
Sliding out from under him, I feel his heavy arms reaching to pull me back in his sleep as he sighs deeply. It’s tempting, it really is, but I have other priorities right now.
“I’ll come back in a minute,” I whisper to him, pecking his cheek and feeling like skipping to the bathroom.
My legs have other plans, and halfway down the hall, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to walk properly again.
The man knows how to do one thing right, that’s for sure.
Finding another robe in the bathroom, I snuggle into it as I wish for matching slippers. No luck, but I make sure I scan the back yard and peer out into the gray-blue light of the afternoon, still hoping that Valentine will magically appear.
It’s been a twenty-four hour period of miracles, so I shouldn’t cancel out the possibility.
I can’t for Conor’s sake, I still do believe Valentine will come back somehow. I just know he will.
I shiver from the cold, but mostly from the realization that things can change so suddenly.
Yesterday morning my life had little meaning. I was about to move just so I could tell myself I had somewhere to live.
I was a virgin college graduate with no real prospects and I’d never even seen a real life penis or a dog that looked just like a wolf.
I’m still the same college graduate, but I’m a woman now. I feel different and my life has taken nothing short of a pretty dramatic turn.
I worry about what my dad will say or do, but that’s mostly out of habit.
Deep down inside, I know I love Conor and that he really does love me. It sounds corny, but sometimes corny things happen if we let them.
If I’d kept running, if I kept telling myself that I couldn’t or shouldn’t be with Conor, for whatever reason, then I never would be.
I’d live the rest of my life wondering, wishing, and punishing myself for not doing what I felt was right even though it was corny and felt impossible.
A smile plays on my lips now, not just because of how things have worked out, some good and some not so good.
But tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and for once in my life, I have a reason to be excited about that.
I’d love to plan something special, to show Conor just how much I care. How much I do love him, but the word Valentine in the same thought puts a cloud over everything again as I stare out into the yard.
