It didn’t make sense.
My mind screamed at me to fight, to hate, to run. But my body betrayed me, responding to their touch with eagerness. And beneath it all, I felt ashamed. I was ashamed of how easily I gave in, ashamed of how quickly my fear turned into desire.
I resolved to not give in so easily next time. I would resist them.
Or at least try to.
I was at war within myself, torn between wanting to break free and wanting to surrender completely.
Had my suppressant sobriety made my instincts so powerful that I actually desired their touch? Sure, I found certain men attractive, but that was as far as it went. My sex drive had been nonexistent because of the suppressants, and as a result, I was completely inexperienced. Obviously, I had touched myself, curious and lonely, but it certainly did not feel as good as it had when Ryker had put his fingers inside of me, or better yet, his mouth on me.
I really,reallyliked it when he used his tongue.
In fact, I had felt nothing so good.
Ever.
Especially when he made my whole center contract with a delicious rolling pleasure. Was that what an orgasm felt like? My body had taken control, causing me to beg for it without even knowing what it was going to feel like.
As good as it had felt to experience my first orgasm, I was definitely still planning on escaping. I had no interest in continuing to be their pet. Cade was a control freak, pushing and pulling my emotions in a million directions, making my head swim. Ryker was clearly sexually deviant based on the things he was saying while he touched me, although I honestly suspected they both were.
If last night was any indication of what the future held, I wanted off this island, immediately! Punishments, forcedobedience, submission? No thanks. I wanted to go home. I missed my life that made sense. Back to my guitars, my paintings, my plants.
My poor plants!
If I didn’t water them soon, they would die. Well, maybe not the little cactus in my bathroom. Cacti were funny like that. They died when you tried to keep them alive, and thrived when you accidentally neglected them.
I slipped out of bed, looking down to see that I was wearing a new black T-shirt. This one was even bigger than the last, and didn’t have Cade’s whiskey scent. Instead, it smelled like a forest. Not pine or evergreen, but something woodier, musky and earthy. It reminded me of oakmoss as I breathed it in deeply, basking in the scent.
This newly gained sensitivity to scent was really distracting me. I wanted to roll around in the shirt, rub it all over my body, specifically between my legs, but I told myself to get-it-together, knowing I would not be alone for long. Instead, I needed to catalogue the room and get a sense of my surroundings if I stood any chance at escape.
Starting at the window, I threw open the curtains. The dormitory seemed to be on the third floor of a military barrack-style building. The building was U-shaped with a large courtyard in the center, which was teeming with soldiers. Circling the courtyard was a running track where groups of soldiers jogged in pace with each other.
In the distance, there was an asphalt parking lot lined with military vehicles. I could also see a towering chain-link, barbed-wire fence that ran around the perimeter of the campus. I tried to open the window, but it wouldn’t budge.
Next, I checked the nightstand. There was a glass of water on top with a note that said, “Drink Me.” I could almost hear Cade’s voice ordering me around.
I drank it,notbecause he told me to, but becauseIwas thirsty.
The first drawer had a few items of women’s clothing. An unexpected surge of jealousy coursed through me at the brief thought that they belonged to another woman, but that subsided when I noticed the tags and fresh scent. The clothes were new.
There were some simple lace underwear, a few pairs of socks, and two bras, sized to fit me. I cringed thinking about how they had gotten my bra size right.
The second drawer made my resolve to escape that much stronger. Inside were: a metal pair of handcuffs, a length of rope, a small egg-shaped vibrator, several plugs in various sizes, a ball gag, and finally a pack of zip ties.
No way.
I wasgonethe first chance I got.
I was not, I repeat,notgoing to let anyone use any of that stuff on me.
Despite my revulsion, a trace of curiosity rooted in the back of my mind. What exactly did they do with it all? How would they use it all on me? I felt wetness between my legs.Yeah, no,I couldn't go there right now; I needed to get back to trying to escape.
The other nightstand was empty in the bottom drawer, but the top contained a small cosmetics bag. All of the makeup items were new and expensive. I couldn’t have afforded any of it, and I didn’t even know where to begin when applying it to my face.Lily would have been over the moon to doll me up with these products.
Thinking about Lily made my heart pang with longing. I missed her, Alex and Malcolm. Hell, I even missed bitchy Harper, although I was sure she hated my guts after finding out what I really was. She probably attributed Billy’s interest in me to "omega black magic" or whatever else she could come up with.
Did they even know where I was? Did they even care? They were my only real friends, the only people who would know I was gone. Thinking about them and my new reality made me feel an immeasurable amount of loneliness and grief, which only fueled my will to escape further.
