Shit!
That’s all the forgiveness I’m gonna get right now, and I should be grateful for it. She’s dealing too. Her baby girl is missing just as much as mine, and I can’t be some needy friend begging her to wipe my guilt away.
I fucked up.
And now I have to live with this ugly feeling in my chest.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I shuffle to the rec room and find Wily sitting on the couch, watching over the kids who are scattered around the room in little clumps.
Jane and Charlotte are coloring while Nichelle is playing Hungry Hungry Hippos with Seb and Olly. All three of them are giggling, but there’s a subdued edge to their play. I feel like one of them is on the cusp of losing it if something goes wrong.
Wily’s jaw clenches when he sees me, and I stop in the middle of the room, trying to analyze his expression and figure out if he’s pissed off at me too.
Does everyone blame me for this?
Does—
“I’m guessing you didn’t have any luck upstairs?” His voice is a soft rumble.
I shake my head. “The boys are still looking, though, and I’m sure Satch will join the search once Paris is down.”
Wily nods, running a tongue over his upper teeth.
Gripping my biceps, I can’t help a soft whimper, the tears I’ve been fighting suddenly flooding my eyes.
I cover my mouth with my hand just as Wily rises from his chair. Heading straight for me, he wraps me in one of his all-enveloping bear hugs. I cling to my brother, pushing my cheek against his chest and whimpering again.
“I screwed up so badly. If they don’t find those girls safe and well, I will never forgive myself.” My voice is all muffled by his sweater, but he still hears me.
“This isn’t your fault.”
“It is,” I argue. “Everybody knows it. They’re just too nice to say it to my face.”
“Blake, that’s not true.” He rubs my back, guiding me farther away from the children so they don’t have to witness my meltdown.
If the adults lose it, they’llreallyknow something is wrong.
Though they already do know something is really wrong. Portia made that abundantly clear to everyone.
It’s a miracle Nichelle’s not losing it.
Peeking around my brother, I spot her turning this way, then want to kiss Seb for quickly distracting her.
“Hey, Shelly. Look at this!” He pulls a crazy face, and she laughs. “Now you do one.”
“Your children are so amazing,” I whisper, giving Wily a tear-filled smile.
“Yeah, well, you can thank Satch for that.” Wily’s lips curl as he glances across the room and watches Seb entertain the little ones like a pro.
“That’s not true. You’re an amazing dad.”
“Yeah, I am.” He grins down at me. “I seriously love it, though. They make it easy to be a great dad.”
I huff and shake my head. “Parenting has got to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I really suck at it, Wiles.”
“No, you don’t.” My brother moves away from me with a frown. “Why would you say that?”
“Because I do.” I flick my hand up. “It’s hard and exhausting and demanding and relentless. It’s emotionally draining. Like all the time.”
