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‘Listen to me,’ he said urgently. ‘The very fact you feel such guilt proves you are nothing like Neysa, so put such thoughts from your mind. You would never hurt anyone, not on purpose.’
‘But that is what I’ve been doing!’ she cried. ‘I’m exactly like her.’
‘No! All you inherited from Neysa was her looks. Everything else came from Elaine and the rest of your English family and the goodness that is you. You are a good person—the best I know.’
She didn’t look the slightest bit convinced by anything he’d said. Helios’s mind worked frantically as he tried to think of a solution whereby Amy’s guilt could be obliterated. But nothing came to him. He had to marry someone of royal blood to secure the Kalliakis line.
He was hurting her, the last thing he’d ever wanted to do. Not Amy. Not her. Not ever.
His father had done more than hurt his mother physically; the destruction had been emotional too. Helios had always known he would never follow his footsteps on the physical side, but to discover he was guilty of an emotional destruction every bit as great...
Something that felt suspiciously like panic clawed at him, biting and contracting through every part of him, converging in his stomach into a pain so acute he wanted to shout out with the agony of it all.
His relationship with Amy was long past being the light, playful interlude it had begun as. Along the way it had developed into something so deep he feared he would no longer be able to see the light if they went any further.
If he had the slightest ounce of decency he would let Amy go before he destroyed her completely.
CHAPTER TWELVE
FOLDING HIS ARMS across his chest, Helios stared at Amy, wondering how he was going to cope without seeing her beautiful face every day and making love to her every night. She was so much more to him than just his lover. She was his best friend, the first true friend he’d ever had. She’d been brought into his life not through her own wealth or social standing but simply by being Amy.
Amy gazed back at him with the same intensity and attempted a brave smile. ‘Do you think there’s a parallel world out there, where we can be free to be together and love each other?’
Love?
She must have registered the shock in his eyes at her use of the L word for she laughed wanly. ‘Oh, I do love you. Very much. More than I ever knew was possible.’
He stepped out of her reach, backing himself against the kitchen door. He didn’t know how to answer. He couldn’t think.
His private phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and rejected the call without looking at it.
‘Love is not something I have ever required,’ he finally said, his brain reeling as much as his body.
‘I know that.’ Her chin wobbled and she took deep breaths, raising her eyes to the ceiling.
‘Theos, Amy, you...’ He blew out a long breath as his brain scrambled to unravel itself. ‘I’ve always known I must marry for duty. Love isn’t something I’ve ever expected or thought about. It has no place in my life, you must see that?’
‘Yes, I do.’
Of course she did. Amy knew his full ancestral history better than she could ever know her own.
‘If you love me then how can you leave me?’ he asked, still shell-shocked at her declaration but grasping at straws.
‘Because I want to be able to look at my reflection every day and not throw darts at it,’ she answered with a choked laugh. ‘And my leaving isn’t just to do with Catalina.’
There. She’d finally uttered the Princess’s name aloud.
‘I might have been made from a dirty secret but I don’t want to live my life as one. You’re right that I’m not Neysa, and I will not allow myself to be like her. Even if you wanted it—even if you loved me—you’re not in a position to give me the commitment and fidelity I need. I want to be yours. Just yours. Openly yours. With the whole world knowing we belong together. I can’t make love with you while you’re sleeping in the bed of another, and I can’t make love knowing I’m good enough for sex but not good enough for for ever.’
What she didn’t say was that Helios had lodged himself so deeply into her heart she doubted there was room left in there for any other man to find an opening. Her heart belonged to him now.
She should have left weeks ago. The physical pain she’d experienced when he’d told her of his intention to marry as soon as possible should have acted as a warning. If she’d gone then she would have left with her pride intact and her heart would still have enough room for someone else.
His face contorted. ‘Don’t you ever say you’re not good enough.’
