Something is wrong with Lily.She doesn’t smile like the other children.Doesn’t laugh.At first, I thought it was grief because of Dustin.But…
Is it something more?Is it…because of me?
Did I mark my daughter before she was even born?I…
I am sorry.I have never said those words out loud.Not to anyone.I don’t regret the things that I do.There is no point in regrets but…if I made Lily like me, if I did this…
I am sorry, my darling.
My beautiful, serious Lily.
Dear Diary,
Time rolls past.It won’t slow down.Lily has grown up—a beautiful teen now.Still, far too serious.No dating for her.No silly parties.Hardly any friends.I ache for her.For the life she should’ve had, and I know…I see the way she watches me.
She realizes what I’ve done.She must.Does she think I’m a monster?Is she afraid of me?
She shouldn’t be.Not ever.Lily is the only person in this world I would never, ever hurt.She is my daughter.She is my light.
She is the one good thing I have in my life.
I…love my Lily.Love.Maybe I don’t love her the way other mothers love their kids.So easily.So freely.But I love her my way.
I would do anything for her.Iwilldo anything.I am going to marry again.David.David Warren.He dotes on Lily.Watches her so closely.Is so very interested in her life.He will make a great father to her.He will be perfect.
I will be perfect…just you wait and see…
Atlas closed the diary.He stared into the flames of the fireplace.Lily sat in the nearby chair, silent.She’d been silent as he read the entries.“David wasn’t perfect.”
“No.”Quiet.
He watched those flames.“Do you want the diary back?”
“I want to burn it.It’s time to let the past go.”
He offered her the diary.She rose, came to him with soft steps, and she took the diary from him.Their fingers brushed, and he felt the surge through his whole body.
My Lily.
She tossed the diary into the fire.The flames bent, then danced.Ashes flew into the air.“She loved me.Magnolia wrote the words in her diary, where she thought no one would ever see them.True words.She wrote down her confessions about her crimes.Her truth about loving me…even as she feared something was wrong with me.”
“There is nothing wrong with you.”He caught her hands in his.Pulled her closer.“You are going to marry me.We are going to have a great life together.”
She seemed to be holding her breath.“And what about children, Atlas?Do you want them?With me?Or are you afraid of?—”
“Hell, yes, I want children with you.You will be an incredible mother.Protective, kind,loving.”How could she not see this?“You have so much love to give, Lily.I am not my father.You are not your mother.We are different.We will have a family.Ourfamily.I will spend my life protecting you and our children.”Giving them every single thing they wanted.
You are my life, Lily.
An obsession?Yes, but so much more.So very muchmore.
He’d turned off his emotions for most of his life.Turned them off, turned them on.
But with Lily, there was no turning off or on.There was simply just being.Loving her.As basic as breathing.
She’d been right before, when she told him thatmaking lovewasn’t about gentleness.Being in love wasn’t, either.It wasn’t some sweet, tender rush of emotion.He’d been wrong to think that it was.Being in love—for him—was dark and consuming.A feverish intensity that consumed and compelled.That drove him to be better, to do better, to prove that he could be worthy of her.
To prove…
