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‘And is James now pulling his weight?’
She actually smiled, only fleetingly, but a smile all the same. ‘I don’t give him any choice.’
‘I’m pleased to hear it.’
Looking him straight in the eye, she said, ‘It’s down to you. And for that I thank you.’
‘You thank me?’
She nodded. ‘Our time together...it made me see how much of myself I’ve supressed over the years, always trying to mould myself into what I think other people need. Now I have the courage to just be me, and if I need help now I ask for it. I know I can’t fix everyone on my own. At least, I’m trying...’ Her voice lowered as she considered what she’d done just a week ago.
Still on her knees, Emily used her hands to sweep the scraps of thread and material littering the floor around her. All she could concentrate on was breathing, trying with all her might to control the acceleration of her heart.
She’d regretted sending the letter the minute it had left her hand and gone off with the courier.
‘I know about the letter you sent to my mother.’
She paused and dipped her head, closing her eyes. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said hoarsely. ‘I don’t know what possessed me.’
‘I do.’
She jerked to feel his warm hand on her wrist, opened her eyes to find him on his knees beside her.
He put his palm on her cheek. ‘You did it because you couldn’t not do it. You did it because you have so much love flowing in your veins that you can’t bear to see someone you love suffer, even if that person isn’t deserving of your love.’
The feel of his skin on hers was almost too much to bear. ‘Please tell me I didn’t make things worse.’ It was the one thing that haunted her.
He shook his head. ‘You couldn’t have made them worse.’
‘I just felt so guilty for suggesting you to speak to Marat—’
‘That wasn’t your fault,’ he cut her off. ‘You made a suggestion, that’s all, and I’m sorry for ever blaming you. I was hurting and full of guilt and I lashed out at you.’
‘But...’
Before she could say another word, he kissed her, a gentle pressure that sucked all the air from her lungs.
‘But nothing,’ he said, his breath hot on her cheek. ‘I made the choice to speak to Marat, knowing damn well what the outcome might be. The letter you sent to my mother made a difficult situation easier. She was prepared for me to turn up on her doorstep.’
‘I should never have interfered.’ She turned her face away, tried to break away from him.
Such was his strength that he pulled her down and onto his lap, holding her tightly to him as she tried to move away. ‘You’re not going anywhere.’ His large hands stroked her back with a firm tenderness.
‘I swore I was going to stop trying to fix people.’
‘But I love that you try and fix them.’
She froze.
‘It’s how you’re wired,’ he said gently. ‘When you love someone, it’s with everything you have. And I understand it now, because I know there is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for you.’
She raised her head to look at him.
‘I always thought love was finite, that people were born with a certain amount they could give. I believed Marat when he told me I was the cuckoo in the nest and that our father could never love me like he loved him. You’ve shown me how wrong I was. The love I have for you binds me more tightly to you than any drop of blood ever could.’
He traced a finger down her cheek. ‘I would give my soul for you and I can’t ever apologise enough for the way I spoke to you in my office. I swear on everything I have that I will never speak to you like that again.’
He meant it. She could see it in his eyes. ‘You were in pain,’ she whispered. ‘That’s why I wrote to your mother—because it hurt me to see it.’
‘Yes, I was hurting, but I should never have taken it out on you.’ He breathed in deeply, inhaling her scent. ‘I was scared. I’ve spent so many years believing myself to be unworthy of love that I couldn’t see past it. That letter you sent to my mother—I can’t tell you how that made me feel, knowing you had done that for me. If I could capture that moment I would cherish it for ever.’ Now his eyes burned into hers, searching. ‘You said on my yacht that if you loved someone you would cherish them for what they could give you and not what they couldn’t.’
‘I love you, Pascha. Sterile or fertile, it makes no difference to me.’
‘I know you do. If there’s one thing you’ve taught me, it’s that love is infinite. Andrei loved me, truly loved me. And if you and he can love this stubborn fool of a man then I know I can love a vulnerable child who’s desperate for a home.’
