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Did she?
No, of course she didn’t. Pepe might be able to reduce her to a quivering pulse of sensation but that didn’t mean she was falling in actual love with him.
Did it?
‘I need to leave,’ she said, blurting the words out.
Whatever her feelings for him and whatever they meant, nothing could come of them.
Pepe stilled then cast an unreadable eye on her before getting his coffee. When he rejoined her at the balustrade he stood a good foot away from her.
‘I’m going to appeal to your better nature to do the right thing and give me some money now so I can return to Dublin and find a home to raise our child in.’
‘And if I don’t?’
‘Then I guess I’ll have no choice but to stay. I know I was going to leave last night but I was so...’ she almost said devastated ‘...upset that I wasn’t thinking straight. I guess my hormones were playing up too, making everything seem ten times worse than it really was.’
Her hormones had had nothing to do with it. The white-hot jealousy she had experienced at the party had been all her own. She would rather chop her own ears off than admit it.
She took a deep breath before continuing. ‘Even if I had been able to leave last night I would probably have come back like a dog with its tail between its legs. Nothing’s changed. I’m still skint. My return ticket from Sicily is worthless here, so I have no way to get home until my wages from the auction house get paid into my account. But, Pepe, I can’t stay here, especially not now.’
For the first time since joining Cara on the balcony, Pepe felt the chill of the air. He stared ahead at a young family who had been enjoying a bike ride. The parents had now dismounted and rested their bikes against a large tree, the father in the process of getting the toddler out of its seat.
Once he had dreamt of him and Luisa having such a family, had allowed his hopes and dreams to fill.
‘Why are you so keen to get away from me?’ he asked bitingly. ‘Did I not satisfy you enough last night?’
‘No, it was wonderful,’ she said wistfully.
‘Then what is the problem with staying here and sharing my bed?’
‘Because we both know it won’t be for ever. Chances are you’ll be sharing it with someone else long before our baby is born.’
Imagining someone else in his bed drew a blank. It had drawn a blank since Dublin.
Until he and Cara were able to work through this strange desire that burned between them, he had the most sickening feeling he would never be able to move on.
‘And what about you?’ he asked more harshly than he would have liked. Something akin to panic was nibbling at his chest. ‘How do I know you’ll take care of yourself? How do I know you’ll do what’s right and what’s best for the life inside you?’
He heard her take a sharp inhalation, but when she finally spoke her tone was a lot softer than he had been prepared for. ‘What happened, Pepe? What happened to turn you into such a cynic that you believe me capable of harming our defenceless child?’
‘Because it’s happened to me before.’
He could feel Cara’s eyes on him, could feel her shock. He kept his own eyes firmly fixed on the family in the distance. He had no idea where the parents had produced a ball from, but they were playing a game of what looked to be catch with their small toddler.
‘I’ve not always been a cynic. I once believed in love and marriage. I was going to marry my childhood sweetheart.’ He wasn’t aware of the pained sneer that crossed his face. ‘Once, just once, we failed to use contraception and Luisa fell pregnant. I was eighteen and she was seventeen.’
He could feel Cara’s eyes still resting on him, took a small crumb of comfort that she didn’t immediately start peppering him with questions.
His throat felt constricted. This was something he had never discussed before, not with Luca, not with anyone. But he owed Cara the truth, because somewhere, hidden deep inside him, was the knowledge that it was his baby she carried, a truth he dared not utter in case, by saying the words, it brought the whole thing crashing down.
‘I was delighted at the prospect of becoming a father. I was...’ He shook his head at the memory. ‘At the time, my head was all over the place. My father had just died from a heart attack and I didn’t know how to handle it. But then Luisa told me she was pregnant and suddenly there was proof that life did have meaning and that miracles did occur. Luisa and I had spoken of marriage many times and, to me, it made sense to just bring the whole thing forward. I wanted our child to be born a Mastrangelo with parents who shared the same name.’
